Getting in my weekend visitation "mood"
We haven't had SD in 2 weeks because BM planned their trip to Disney on DH's weekend (of course, what's new?) so visitation is being made up this weekend.
I tell DH that I want to have a couple's date with our friends since tonight is the only night they can get a babysitter. I want to see 'Happy Death Day' which I'm pretty sure is rated R.
I text him this and he says "I'm getting SD12 on the way home but I'm sure she'd like to see a movie." Ummmm.. No!
Ugh I know I'll warm up to her when she's actually over but I was enjoying half a month being completely child-free. A girl can dream. Sigh.
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I agree she shouldn't be
I agree she shouldn't be going on your guys date. (Its PG-13 by the way.)
At the same time he gets his daughter. Who he seems for a very minimal amount of time. He may not want to sacrifice that time.
We'll have people over at the house when we have the kids but there's no way of ask my partner to leave the kids unless we absolutely have to when he only gets them 4 nights a month.
Ugh! I feel your pain.
Ugh! I feel your pain. Whenever we were invited to do things on Skid weekends that were primarily for adults, DH always thought "we'll bring the kids". This was after I told him that we were invited, but wouldn't go because we had his kids, so it wasn't like I was even pushing him to go. He just assumes everyone else will love to hang out with his kids. Now, we don't get invited to some of those things anymore. I've tried to convince DH that other people don't want to hang out with his kids (especially since his kids are not overly social with other adults), but he just can't hear it.
Do you have any in-laws who can watch SD while you and your DH go out? We've used MIL on occasion to babysit when DH and I had something we needed to do on Skid weekend. She's happy to see the kids and the kids enjoy spending time with her. We have to use her sparingly, however, because she has a tendency to think that I'm trying to exclude the Skids from our life. She also has a tendency to flake when she disagrees with us doing something on our own, but is too passive aggressive to tell us that she doesn't want to babysit. Usually when we use her, we tell her that we're in this bind because BM switched her weekend.
We don't have to go out
We don't have to go out tonight but I've had an especially stressful week and I just wanted to unwind childfree but I understand his obligation to be 'dad'. Maybe I'll invite my girlfriend out and leave DH and SD at home. I was just getting used to not seeing SD and was honestly enjoying it. I'll just have to hear how great BM is for taking her to Disney for Halloween.
I think this is your answer.
I think this is your answer. DH gets to be dad for the night, SD gets to brag to him all about her trip with mommy,, and you get a nice cocktail out with a friend which also buys you one more evening of peace. Win, win, win (:
Not that we don’t use babysitters sometimes too, but SD is here 50/50 and we’ve (or rather, DH) finally realized that’s just part of life. Sometimes she has to be with a babysitter and watch us go out as a couple. But if he’s only got 4 nights per month, I could see how this might be difficult for him.
But anyway I know that dread feeling - even though I never have kid-free time anymore. Skid-free time is just lovely.
Ugh. I feel for you, OP. I
Ugh. I feel for you, OP.
I remember the days of living in the same town as BM and skid. I felt the same way, come Wednesday and every other weekend. Pure dread. Then I started engaging in things to get me out of the house more. Like Yoga class, bike rides, and shopping.
It was always a major bummer to have plans and get that call too. The one where DH would lovingly (sarcasm) insert how he was getting skid on the way home. I’d usually hole up in our room with a movie and some knitting for the night when that happened.
Lately since we live 5 miles
Lately since we live 5 miles from BM, the skids have been finding their way to our house almost daily. I'm always waiting on a call every day canceling whatever we had planned because skids want to come over.
What is the custody
What is the custody arrangement? BM lives closer than that but won't allow SD to spend extra time with us unless it suits her.
i remember the feeling. we
i remember the feeling. we wouldn't make plans with other couples, but i'd have in mind a certain way to spend an evening. i'd pull up to the house after work, open the door, and BAM the three boys were there. it took dh YEARS to finally understand that it wasn't cuz i hate his kids (i dont!) it was just that i was not mentally prepared, and it took me a bit to readjust my mindset.
THEN we got the kids full-time......
oss19 moved out 2 1/2 years ago, and kaos14 moved out in july (he was in need of *constant* parental supervision). so now it's just me, dh, and lurch17. dh and i went out for a few hours on sunday (for the first time in literally YEARS) and it was FABULOUS. kaos wasn't blowing up his phone like he used to do. lurch got called and told "we'll be gone for a few hours. there's pizza rolls in the freezer if you get hungry." dh was the one who pointed it out to me how freeing it felt.
adults do need time to recharge, so you go ahead and make those plans with a girlfriend to unwind and your dh can have some quality time with his daughter.
I just wish we had her full
I just wish we had her full time or not at all. BM messes with her so much and there's zero consistency with discipline/ routines/ emotions, etc. I came home and started doing chores since it calms me down and my bathroom is long overdue for a deep clean anyway. Pups got walked and are napping.
I'm trying not to drink but a bottle of wine or coconut margarita would really put a cherry on top of the start of a relaxing weekend. I'm just trying not to focus on all of the things I'm not doing and focus on what I can do.
Ohhhh, I can relate to how
Ohhhh, I can relate to how much I used to hate visitation weekends! Life--and our home--as we knew it was turned on its head, starting with the moment SSs walked in the door and changed the TV station from whatever I was watching to cartoons. Now that my SSs are 23 and 21, I admit I don't miss those days and would not go back there for anything!I think most SMs if they're being honest. The good news is, this, too, shall pass!