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OT rant: over 50 RSVPs didn't show up to the shower

I love dogs's picture

My dad offered to pay for it (about $5000) and we had so many empty tables and extra food. Thank goodness my dad is well off because the money didn't matter to him but DH and I were disappointed. Yes, we had fun, but even one of our close friends made a comment that when the bar tab ran out ($1000) that people started leaving. 

The entertainers were great and the food was delicious but come on, people! Sending me texts at 7pm telling me you can't make it? Money had to be spent to hold your place! We did get a good amount of baby gifts so we're going through those tonight when I get off work but frankly, our feelings are hurt.

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tog redux's picture

Apparently it's common nowadays to either not RSVP, or not show up if you do RSVP. 

Do you think people realized what a big event it was? I don't think I've ever been to a baby shower that had more than 10-12 people there, in someone's living room. For those type of showers, not showing up would not be a big deal.

beebeel's picture

We had one big baby shower, but I don't think we had more than 35-40 people total. Most of the guests didn't stay very long...it's a shower. We didn't invite everyone we knew, but limited the invitations to people who would actually be involved in our child's life.

I'm betting lots of people were burned out from Thanksgiving festivities and laid around nursing their food hangovers.

DPW's picture

I understand the feeling. I once was hosting an evening at my place for approximately 20-25 people who had RSVPed. I had spent weeks planning and in order to make the evening special, spent a lot of money making everything "just right". 

Two people showed up.

This was over 20 years ago now, but I have not forgotten about it everytime we consider entertaining. I avoid flaky peeps now and if you pull a stunt like this with me - cancelling last minute without a valid reason or even notification to us - you're off the invitation list for future stuff. I get it, shit happens, but there's also a lot of work involved in hosting people and frankly, I'm just too old to deal with flakes.

Sorry you had to go through this. It was like a kick in the gut for me. Focusing on the other fun stuff with the baby coming should help distract you from all this. 

DPW's picture

Oh, and...

Interestingly enough, SO's mom bailed on us right before she was supposed to show up for dinner after we spent hours scrubbing the house for her arrival and making a huge meal. She simply just... didn't... come... Thankfully the effort wasn't wasted as others were coming to our house as well that evening but I was livid with SO's mother for her bailing. Flakes, I tell ya. The second time, many months later, when SO approached the subject of hosting family dinner and inviting his mom again, I told him that if she bails, there's going to be consequences; that I wasn't going to put in all this work to get everything to "MIL" standard and she doesn't show up again. 

She showed up but you could tell she was uncomfortable. I didn't care and proceeded to have myself a great time!

ndc's picture

Wow, how many people were you expecting? 50 no-shows is huge!  I've never been to a shower that had close to 50 people total!  I suspect it had something to do with being on a holiday weekend, but there's no excuse for such rudeness. I hope you had a great time in spite of that.

momjeans's picture

RSVP is a lost art, I swear.

People will reply and then be a no-show, or not reply and show up.

I’m dying to know how SM and SD acted. 

twoviewpoints's picture

I'm sorry. Yeah, a whole lot of expense and time invested and then to get a bunch of no-shows. 

Maybe the price tag for a baby shower has something to do with what Sm was so out of sorts about on Thanksgiving. Your Dad being well off or not, that's still a bit pricey for a baby shower. Most people, as state by others above, think of baby showers being a bit more personal and a smaller setting. While it sounds like you planned a great time, it seems more as if a special birthday bash or a small wedding reception (open bar, entertainment). 

I've held and attended baby showers over the years, but never one with intentions of inviting 150plus guest. Mostly home setting with a couple dozen tops guest or a few have been at a local cafe that specializes in homemade breads for sandwiches an fancy muffins an cupcakes in their small 'event' side room(yeah mostly just for females type ones). When my niece was about to have her little one five years ago, she one a few showers. One hosted by her co-workers, one by her girl friends and one by her now exMIL which was for family, aunts, grandmas and exMIL's church ladies. But each one was like 12-15 guest.

I guess I'm just old and a traditionalist, lol. 

So did everybody behave? Did SD manage to show? 

I love dogs's picture

We got married only recently (despite me having always called him DH) and the shower was also a wedding reception. The no-shows understood what an event it was and as I said in another post, my best friend spent $400 on cake alone since it was her gift to us.

Everyone was behaved, didn't really talk to SM and SD and DH made up so SD's friend was allowed to come and sleepover. SD had a blast, actually. The DJ is a close friend of DH's and teaches kid's classes and SD is very interested. As most of you know, SD isn't interested in much so since she is (for now) I told DH to jump on it.

STaround's picture

On 10/10/2017, you wrote that you and DH were married in a courthouse 7 years ago.  You can call your party a wedding reception, but some guests may not have realized you had been married for 7 years, and felt they were misled.   Some guests may have known you have been married.  I am very sorry people RSVPed and did not show up.  That was wrong.  But this party was set up in a way that the more people figured it out (the over the top registry, even if you chose to call it "optional", a wedding reception when you have been married several years), the more people it would rub the wrong way.   

Letti.R's picture

How many people did you invite in total?
50 no shows is a lot.
Largest baby shower I ever went to is about 25 people.

Not going after RSVP'ing is plain rude.
Although I too I did it once - but sent an apology to the bride on that day.
My bloody geyser burst on the morning of the wedding and part of my house took a shower...
Reason enough to not go as I had to get the roof fixed and mess cleaned up asap.

 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Ugh! I'm so sorry about that!!! BUt I'm glad you still had fun! People are fickle and flakey most of the time. So it's good you got what you did at least!!!

Disneyfan's picture

If that many people didn't show up, there's something else going on than just being rude.

A huge baby shower, tied to a wedding reception (after the couple has been living together for years), with pricey registry items, comes across as a gift grab.

Having a huge shower on a holiday weekend, a few weeks before Christmas may have also played a part in the number of no shows.  

I love dogs's picture

It was over a holiday weekend because my family was able to come to town to celebrate. We didn't expect wedding gifts, it was just a diaper party. Regardless of us living together, we wanted all of our friends to come and like I said, 50+ RSVP'd then no-showed.

Also, Xmas is one month before the due date which is when we would normally have the shower so there's no way we can win. What should we do? Not have a shower because it's around the holidays? Either way, you'll call it a "gift grab".

Disneyfan's picture

Didn't you post that the crib was listed on your registry?  If so, that's more than just a diaper party.

There's no way 50+people just blew the event off after sending a RSVP.  Something occured to make that many folks rethink attending.

I love dogs's picture

As I said, I got a lot of last minute declines AFTER everything was paid for, including yesterday. Yes, there was a registry that was optional and most people brought bags that I assume are clothes and such so the registry barely got touched. We also got at least a dozen boxes of diapers even though diapers were specified.

Disneyfan's picture

It's not the date that gives off the gift grab vibe.

It's the excessive number of guest invited, planning your own shower... gives off that vibe.  The fact that you don't know what's inside some of the gift bags makes it appear like you didn't even bother to open the gifts at the shower.  It kind of looks like the focus was on the gifts and not celebrating the Little One with your family and friends.

 

 

tog redux's picture

Well, I think people are trying to point out to you a reason that so many people didn't come, and why they left when the booze well ran dry... that this was an event that was very exciting for you and your family, but not so much for the other 125 invitees.

That being said, I think it's rude to RSVP and then cancel unless you have a very good reason - illness, family emergency, etc. People should be aware that you have already paid for the event, unless they've never had such an event themselves and don't realize it.

SMB91's picture

for our wedding we wanted to keep it very small and only invite family and close friends. Almost everyone on my side of the family got back to me ASAP RSVPD and only 4 people did not show one couple because their baby sitter bailed on them and their daughter was sick.. understandable and they did send a card along with my aunt and uncle who couldn’t make it as well. But my husbands side was a different story, he wanted to invite over 50 people had people finding out we where planning a wedding and felt obligated to invite people he really didn’t want. So we end up inviting a bunch of people on his side I knew damn well didn’t want to go and lo and behold everyone wasted our time and money by RSVPing couldn’t be bothered to show..bad. So my parents who forked out the majority of money for everything where upset. Rightfully so. I see this way to much and it makes me sick. If I RSVP to any event and somehow cannot make it I give them advance warning and still send a gift or card. But most of the time I make it a point to at least stop in wish my what Evers to them and make at the very least an appearance. People suck! 

Thumper's picture

150 guests invited to a Baby shower is obnoxious amount of people. A baby shower with booze is even worse.

It's awful when you realize very few people have a shred of good manners. Next time keep the invites small...to people who you really know well and who will be there in a pinch when YOU crying on the phone to them....YOU just need to take a shower, the baby is crying and you can barely walk to the pottly. ALL you want is 10minutes in a hot shower with out your boobs leaking milk, feeling like two cinder blocks are strapped to your chest.

THOSE are the people you invite to your baby shower...not the other nincompoops who could care less. Frankly those who were a no shows have told you they dont give a hoot. Listen to them ILOVEDOGS.

 

JMO

Livingoutloud's picture

1. Holding a huge wedding reception after that many years living together and after already being legally married  is tacky. I don’t know anyone who does that. 

2. If it wasn’t reception but was just baby shower then I don’t  know anyone who invites that many people. 150 people? It’s typicslly for close friends and family. Intimate event.

3. Expecting mother planning her own shower is strange 

4. even if people didn’t use registry and bought different more reasonable items, still you had registry for that many people and that many gifts? Crib? You wanted guests to buy a crib? If it was diaper party then why registry? If all 150 people brought a gift, that’s crazy!!!

5. You had that much alcohol there? Who decided on that? It’s supposed to be a baby shower. It’s about a baby and expecting mother! Who are these people who needed to be drinking at that? 

6. Guests were less than classy with not showing up or showing up and leaving after consuming  sufficient amount of alcohol but I’d say the whole event seemed catered to these kind of people. The only baby showers I’ve been to had no alcohol or maybe mimosas or something. Not the full bar. Why not have nice event for family and close friends. Why have all this big party and between major holidays? 

7. You didn’t open gifts? It’s impolite. Just as impolite as people not showing up. 

I honestly can’t wrap my mind around all this. I’ve never ever heard of anything like this. 

Livingoutloud's picture

I just saw that you got married 8 years ago in a court house and your parents were upset you didn’t have a reception so you decided to do a reception now for 8 year old marriage. It could be that people didn’t show up when they realized it is a reception 8 years after the actual wedding. This kind of stuff usually rubs people the wrong way. 

Disneyfan's picture

Wait a minute.  Today the OP said they got married recently. 

'We got married only recently (despite me having always called him DH) and the shower was also a wedding reception. The no-shows understood what an event it was and as I said in another post, my best friend spent $400 on cake alone since it was her gift to us."

Both sides( the guests and the hosts) sound a bit shady.

 

Livingoutloud's picture

Dates of marriage might be conflicting because I love dogs might want to conceal or make up facts for anonymity reasons, which is understandable and also to conceal the facts from her previous accounts and that’s also understandable. But perhaps people irl are also getting conflicting info. And it’s kind of shady. Even if they were never married until now, the whole event unfortunately made no sense.

As someone posted that’s what maybe bothered SM. I’d not mind my DH wanting to pay for kids events at all. But not 150 people at baby shower and if he said he is paying 1k for booze at SK’s baby shower I’d be a bit taken aback. That money could be put to kid’s college fund or nice vacation with a kid or anything else meaningful. Not booze to celebrate birth of a baby.

I hope lovedogs writes thank you cards to those guests who did come and did bring gifts. Baby clothes and diapers will come very handy 

shamds's picture

I think its important when sending the invites that you make it clear they rsvp by certain time and to be sure the ones who rsvp, re-ask 1 week or say 3 days before and make sure the reason why you are asking for ravp confirmations and reconfirming is because of the catering and bar tab to make sure you have arranged adequately. If anyone confirms and reconfirms but doesn’t rock up with a legitimate reason like child in hospital or gave birth or parent died, i wouldn’t invite them in the future ever again

hubby has an adult niece who is so rude, never confirms or rsvp or answers like the other family, then 24 hours before our party, her husband who works nearby to hubby will ask if she can come. She thinks the world revolves around her and that to confirm or rsvp is beneath her..