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Partnerships & Alliances - how do you fight back?

IAMGOOD's picture

Submitted by IAMGOOD on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 7:51pm

Forget the courts as an answer. I would like to make that clear right from the beginning of this blog. The courts don't see "under the radar" parental alienation especially when this alienating parent knows exactly what they are doing wrong. How do I know they know? I know because they cover up and lie about their own behavior. My husband's x-wife knows she is wrong as evidenced by her lies.

Now add this to the scenario. You have an x-wife that is determined to prove that she was justified in leaving her husband for another man by proving that he is a bad father & bad son. Yes! My husband's mother has bordeline personality disorder. She has a history of relationship burning including her own mother she didn't speak to for years as well as her own daughter that she caused so many alienation problems with her daughters children that her daughter ended up not speaking to her mother for 2 years. My husband's mother is one of the most destructive people I have ever met.

When my husband and I decided to blend our families and move in together, his mother decided she was going to team up with m husband's x-wife that she previously HATED and they formed a destruction alliance.

My stepson has been brainwashed, poisoned and these two woman will not stop until he chooses sides.

We drew up a legal letter for counseling & finally the x-witch agreed to bring him. The two parents go together once a week and my step-son goes alone another day of the week. It's been several months.

The counselor is slowely starting to see the pattern. I joined in on the counseling and I take notes and bring up actual events that occur that show the counselor the undermining, alienation. This has been hard work. The x-witch stopped going for 2 months and made up excuses becuz the heat was on in the sessions. I hope she doesn't bail.

The counselor catches her in lies. I don't know where this is headed but it is all consuming & we are fighting hard!!!!!

I worry my step-son is being coached to get on the stand and tell a judge he doesn't want to be with us. I hope the counselor has enough documentation to prove that he needs to be with us.

So difficult!!!!

Comments

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Fri, 01/25/2013 - 10:01pm

I am so sorry you are going through this..It is the worst kind of situation. I believe you are on the right track with counseling, and hopefully she does bail? what does it say about her conduct? or her ability to parent? As for the worst mother in law in the whole wide world, your husband should tell her to go straight to hell. Any mother that takes sides with an ex is a menace to society and needs to be treated as such. Does MIL have a husband?

How old is your ss? Is bm still with the other man she left your husband for? I think you are doing all you can, and are moving in the right direction. Sometimes all you can do is take a back seat. Don't be a part of the drama, and your husband should not have to continually defend himself against a lying tyrant that had an affair on him. Maybe she feels guilty about her decision and trying to put the blame on him.

IAMGOOD's picture

Submitted by IAMGOOD on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:54am

Step son is 15. Mother in Law is married for over 40 years and her husband is verbally abused and he is afraid of her and at age 68 still works full-time to stay away from her.

Yes, bm is still with the other man. It was her best friend's husband and this man was also my husband's friend. This woman has tremendous issues and it just a liar & a cheat. I don't understand her at all. She harrassed me from the moment I moved in here & it took over 1.5 years to get her completely away from our home. She used the kids daily to find reasons to come here. Tried everything she could to keep the same bus stop even and moved 3 streets away in a bigger house the 2 of them "rented" and thankfully since had to leave 6 months ago. They are now 3 miles away.

YES, she is trying to pin the blame on him and is knowingly doing "under the radar" activity to poison the kids. She also gets a chunky child support every month but does not buy the kids any clothing. The courts suck. Sorry - but I have heard so many nightmares & rush decisions with judges just not knowing the inside track. I can't rely on my husband to put up a good show in court as he is so not a politician. If they tried him for murder and was totally innocent as he wouldn't hurt a fly he would still incriminate himself somehow.

My SD is not falling for it. However, the witch still works on her from time to time.

It is the worst! Thank you silentnites.

IAMGOOD's picture

Submitted by IAMGOOD on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:57am

thank you. Yes, we keep plugging away with his son cause we can't give up, but, it could end up a lose-lose.
NO - thank you for saying I am not his secretary. YOu hit the nail on the head with that one. My husband needs to step up and becuz he has allowed to much to go on from the beginning this has happened.

They have ganged up against him.

He is a casualty and I hope someday he can see that.

IAMGOOD's picture

Submitted by IAMGOOD on Mon, 02/25/2013 - 1:55pm

Thank you StepAside for your advice. Yes. I go to counselor to point out events. I am not my husbands secretary nor his campaign advisor. I totally agree that he should be driving the train. And I like the quote. Smile

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 9:21am

I'm fairly pessimistic after what FDH and I have been going through with the Bottom Feeder and the skids. The counselors, their MAIN concern I have learned, is protecting themselves from a lawsuit. They will say BM does this but FDH they just aren't sure about, it's like they don't care what's best for the kids, just not getting dragged into court. I can understand this. But what I can't understand is that as the alienation gets worse AND IT WILL GET WORSE...they seem to retreat into neutrality even more. They don't want to be the party that has to get in front of a judge and make a statement. My suggestion if you feel strongly enough to take this route is to pay for a GAL, pray you get a good one, and document everything. As BM starts to get caught more in her lies and her web of being in control unravels, she will unravel and you need to be strong and make sure you have as much knowledge as possible to help SS. Good luck. It has taken seventeen months for my states court system to see the alienation and lack of care for the SS's by their BM, and our fight is not over.

IAMGOOD's picture

Submitted by IAMGOOD on Sat, 01/26/2013 - 12:00pm

Good luck there with your battle. Cooler heads prevail. I have seen people lose no matter what they do because the BM LOVESSSSS the kids and the BF God knows just can't love the kids as much - per some lawyers.

I have been told the GAL often shoots ones own foot becuz it is expensive & people can "sold" by BS stories - results vary by who you get - and his X and her new husband are con artists & liars. They are 2 cheats in a pod. Two narcisists.

My SS is too old - age 15. Deal is done. Just have to manage as it is & hope for the best & continue to work with the counselor.