Homework and visitation question
DH has ss two to three days/evenings during the week and e/o weekend. This is not including holiday time. We had this problem with BM the last two years but dh doesn't remember. SS has a planner that he has to use every day to write down homework and what he does during class. This planner also needs to be signed by a parent every day for "participation points". BM has this fabulous habit of not doing any homework with ss during the weeks that we have him for the weekend. In September Dh read a note sent home from ss teacher stating that each day 30 minutes of reading must be done and some homework on this online portal are to be worked on for practice. Just last week all heck broke loose because SS told dh he had no homework. DH, believing ss is just a "perfect angel child" believed him and didn't check his backpack. Monday visitation rolls around and dh gets screamed at by bm because apparently she was up with ss until 10pm doing homework after drop-off. DH didn't know ss had homework and couldn't believe he was "lied to" and spend the following week moping about his "lying child" instead of taking responsibility as a parent and coming up with a homework time game plan.
On dh visitation time he freaks out about ss homework because it "takes away time from my visitation". On weekends when bm doesn't do her share of homework, sometimes a good chunk of Sunday is spend sitting at the dinning room table doing homework. I'm talking 3-4 hours worth. One particular day during the week dh only has ss for 4 hours. On these days he doesn't make ss do his reading. I have never seen him sign into the homework portal. I know it's not my child, but do I bring this to dh attention? It can't just be all "tablet time, fun and games" when he is at "dad's house". I see this becoming a HUGE problem as ss gets into the higher grades. SS also doesn't clean his room at all before leaving during the week because dh is worried about "his time". When dh has him clean it, he helps him. This child is 10 years old, he has no chores, no responsibility, I'm worried how this is going to go if dh tries to enforce rules later on when there aren't any now. We can't even get ss to stop throwing his disgusting toilet paper in the garbage instead of flushing it. I'm seeing a storm coming. Do I just prepare myself for the worst and keep my mouth shut or try to intervene?
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Comments
homework takes away time from
homework takes away time from his visitation?
DH does realize that visitation doesn't mean fun times, it means parenting time, right?
Part of parenting is homework.
You would think.... I'm
You would think....
I'm getting tired of feeling like the only adult in the house.
He's okay about doing it on weekends (provided ss tells the truth about what needs to be done) but weekdays are a bust.
I simply couldn't deal with a
I simply couldn't deal with a man who is this irresponsible in so many ways. I'd go insane.
well in my view... DH is not
well in my view... DH is not too worried about it, why should you?
Simply tell DH - you are his father not his freaking buddy, so be a father or do you want your child to work at the refuse removal dump one day?
Then wash your hands and walk away
Nope. You do not become the
Nope. You do not become the no fun house. They do the homework that is assigned on his nights only. BM is responsible for the homework assigned on her nights. We went through this and we're stuck in the house for the entire weekend while they struggled through an entire week's worth of homework. I finally put an end to it. If BM didn't give a rat's tush how they did in school, DH wasn't going to spend his time being the mean dictator. It was a deliberate ploy on her part to ensure they were miserable with him.
If DH would nip it in the bud
If DH would nip it in the bud NOW, i.e., "No tablet/DVD/XBOX/etc. until daily homework is done" on the daily, teen years might go well. If not, allll that you imagine. My DH is now, senior year for SS17, the only one checking grades, attendance, & emails from teachers, because that's the only way for me to not be the de facto conflict (= remain disengaged).
Home work is done as soon as
Home work is done as soon as we get home from school at my house. My ex once told bs on their hi weekly calls that he didn't need to do it immediately....excuse me. He sees our son eoweekend and never has to do homework. My other favorite was him threatening with going back tyo court and offering me 1 weekend a month because he moved across the metro and then realized it would be a lot of work to ever see bs during the week.....excuse me but I do all the hard parenting and I am not giving up a weekend when we get to have fun or go see family or have his buddies over becasuse he was a selfish idiot.
I don't get involved in
I don't get involved in homework issues; been there done that.
Neither DH nor BM cared and for a while SD11 (then SD9/10) didn't turn in her work.
Not because she didn't do it, most times it was done, but b/c she just didn't turn it in. Neither BM or DH checked her homework (SD13 has always done it no questions). I couldn't monitor b/c DH didn't 'agree' with the idea of homework. Turns out SD9/10 WANTED to do it, she just needed time management. Because I have a pretty good relationship with younger SD I simply asked if she had homework and she'd start doing it and ask for help (of me) if needed. I never made sure of anything else or got over-involved. Unless you have a good relationship with SS then stay out of it if you can.
As for room cleaning, DH thinks it's too much for 'kids' to have to 'work' - i.e. clean anything on any sort of regular basis. So I monitor my living area and their rooms are up to them (if anything is damaged or infested it's 100% on DH, not me, to fix). Done.
Any ideas on how to address
Any ideas on how to address the toilet paper issue? It's driving me up the wall and since we now only have one bathroom it friggin STINKS...like literally smells...I've tried hiding the bathroom garbage can when ss is over but I'm starting to assume he's throwing it in the kitchen garbage. I can't hide all the garbage cans in the house...DH has tried to address it twice but by the following visitation weekend he's at it again.
This is just disgusting and
This is just disgusting and his father should be put on toilet duty every single visit. Every single time the child goes in the bathroom his father needs to follow after he flushes and do clean up or he needs to make his child clean up. The latter sounds unlikely.
He's not allowed to flush TP
He's not allowed to flush TP at BM house because she claims it will "wreck the plumbing"...I guess nobody in the house flushes the toilet paper. He goes to BM and can't flush, he comes here and won't flush...it's a terrible frustrating friggin cycle.
Do they live in a travel
:sick: Do they live in a travel trailer or something?
TP will not wreck the plumbing. Paper towels, tissues, maxi pads, those can wreak havoc on plumbing, but toilet paper is made to break up and go through normal house plumbing.
No they live in a very nice
No they live in a very nice house that DH and BM are in the process of selling(still). We've tried telling him it's okay to flush it but he's so paranoid because she has drilled it into his head that he's not allowed to. I know it's a small thing but my god the smell! At least at the apartment I had my own bathroom so I tried to not let it bother me, but now we only have the one and its driving me insane.