police and doctors can't help
So I added an update on my previous blog "Hives" but not sure if anybody read it so I will put it on here. If you have not read my other two blogs titled "elder abuse and family problems" first, none of this will make any sense.
A well known large-scale hospital was called. They have a psychiatric unit. I called and made a "elder abuse" report. They documented what I said, however they responded that all they can do is do a "wellness check" on everybody in the home. Since my mothers attempted hit did not connect or leave a mark, all grandma has to do is lie about the event and they can't do anything. Likewise, if they show up and she refuses to let them in they can't do anything but file a report. So at least a report has been filed.
Police were called next, they basically said the same thing. Since there is no physical evidence all they can do is go over and make sure everyone is okay, and again if grandma lies or doesn't let them in they can't do anything because she is not showing signs of distress. She is so focused on "protecting" her daughter she is only hurting herself and I can't get her to understand or see it.
I also called two other psychiatric wards to see what I would have to do to get my mother committed. They said there would have to be physical evidence of harm on someone in the household or the homeowner agreeing that the attacks happened. Then they take my mom and put her on a 72 hour hold at the nearest hospital. I then have 3 days to file with a judge for a hearing and trial. There will have to be unmistakable concrete proof about her behavior, family members willing to testify and even then that is usually not enough to get someone in. Plus my mom will be given a state appointed lawyer to help defend her so she WON'T get admitted. We will not be given a lawyer unless we pay for one.
I knew this wasn't going to be easy but dammit this is looking impossible.
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Comments
First of all, thank you for
First of all, thank you for being such a good daughter because you have your mothers safety at heart.
When it comes to your cousins .... sigh! Sometimes things happen the way they are supposed to happen. Just tell your cousin for the first time in xx years your husband is spending Thanksgiving with his mother. He deserves this. And this is how it will be. If they choose to leave your mother and brother behind, this is their choice.
Your grandparents are delaying the inevitable. If they come home to a destroyed home then this is on them. They are picking and choosing how they want to parent their daughter. But all they are doing is making life more and more difficult. This is like having a Great Dane dog that is house bound and not house trained. Yes your house will stink but this is what you get with the situation you have created.
Do NOT be emotionally blackmailed into this holiday. You had your plans before they made theirs. Your grandparents can enable your mother all they want. But they reap the rewards of that relationship and situation. This is on them. Granted they may be older but they are competent enough to run their own lives so this is how things play out.
This isn't about you being a bad daughter. This is about your grandparents being deluded in thinking they are doing the right thing. They have her living with them and support her so they get to be responsible with including her in their plans.
And you may want to leave your home earlier than expected or be out on TG because I would not put it past your cousin to drop your mother and brother off at your home. Because I bet she rolls that way.
I'm curious as to what your
I'm curious as to what your Mother's physicians are saying. Are they aware of her psychotic episodes?
Honestly, in some ways, this has as much to do with your MOTHER'S safety as it does your grandmother.
Does anyone have the ability/permission to discuss things with her doctor? I am assuming she has at least one physician who is handling her needs if she is suffering from a terminal illness.
That may be the best tactic to make sure HER doctor is aware of what is going on. I would at the very minimum find out who they are and send them a detailed letter of her behaviors and your concerns. Perhaps they would have some remedy or options for you. It's possible she might need different or other medications too.
^^This^^ What kind of a
^^This^^ What kind of a relationship does she have with her Doctor? Would she listen to the doctor if they suggested she get some sort of help?
When my Dad began having mental issues when he was termina,l he always believed his Doctors. If I needed him to do something, and he didn't want to do it - he would do it if I told him his Doctor wanted him to do it.
They are aware but its a
They are aware but its a little complicated. She had a regular dr in the cities before she moved to the apartment she was evicted from. This dr is no longer at the city clinic. Then the dr at the apartment complex changed some of her medication around and I think this is what caused the breakdown and the eviction. When she moved in with my grandparents she had to change doctors again to have access to a closer clinic because it didn't make sense to keep going to the city since her original dr was gone. I don't know a lot about this doctor. My aunt brought her to an appointment and when she tried to go in the room with them mom said no and the doctor said despite having power of attorney that was her choice to make. Our biggest issue is she is not taking her pills on a regular basis because she thinks someone is trying to poison her. When we tried bringing this up to the dr he basically said nobody can force her to take her pills. Even the psychiatric wards that I called said nobody has the power to make her take them. I get the "free will" and such, but if someone is proving to be a threat to themselves and others, why on earth would they say that? If she was back on her meds I'd like to think in about a month she would be a LOT better.