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invidia's picture

Submitted by invidia on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 4:31pm

Hi - I am new to the site. I have been looking around for a couple of days now and just wanted to let you know how thankful I am to find out that I am not alone in my fears, frustrations, and tears.

I am a SM to two children - SS7 and SD4 who have two different BM's. SS7 is with us half time and we see SD4 every second weekend. My husband and I have been married for over three years now and I have tried to give the relationship everything that I have but feel more and more that I am failing. When we first starting dating my husband assured me that I would be an equal partner in this relationship but that is not the case.

I do most of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, pay most of the bills, buy the kids clothes and toys, help with homework, attend school and sports activities, work full time and still try and be an attentive wife and companion to my husband. I feel like a maid and a guest in my own home. My husband always puts his children first and will not back me up for a second even if it obvious that one of the children are in the wrong. He will not hear my point of view on anything regarding parenting and has told me more than once that my opinions are pointless because he is a parent and I am not.

I have no family nearby and have few friends as my husband doesn't like it when I seek interaction outside of the family unless he is involved.

I feel like I have who lost I am and I am alone.

I now know that I am not.

Thank you Step Talk!

Comments

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 4:34pm

Very typical feeling here. So sorry. Welcome!!

He sounds very controlling. I have felt lost from myself before too. I really had to take some time to create distance from skids and SO. Take up some activities on my own.

Can yo do this?

invidia's picture

Submitted by invidia on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 4:42pm

Thank you for your reply Smile

When I started dating I tried to show my husband and his children that I really wanted us to be a family so I put myself at their disposal. I stopped going to the gym, yoga, my once a month book club so I could be there if they wanted to go to the park or a movie....I know I need to start again - the world will not spin off it's axis if I am not home to make dinner Smile

Thanks again.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 4:56pm

It happens to the best of us. When SO and I first started dating, I did the grocery shopping, made my whole weekends revolve around them. Then, to feel like I didn't exist when they were around. Its like they orbited each other and I was just wanting to be a part of it.

Four years later, I don't want to be a part of it. I like having my own life and not feel so much pressure when they are around. He doesn't want to be too harsh with them, just mainly have fun with them and be more friendlike. I can't do that. They are children. So, I just removed myself from it all and I make it 'none of my business'. This is especially the case when SO doesn't like what I have to say or goes behind my back after we agree on rules.

Its a hard habit to get out of. Ease your way out. It will be less noticeable. A little bit at a time. Get back into yoga or your bookclub!

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 4:59pm

Yes, please do find some activities for yourself. You should also make friends outside of your own, and it doesn't like it, it's time for some counseling. From what you've written he sounds very controlling, almost like my abusive ex.