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Ouch!

j-dog's picture

Submitted by j-dog on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 9:14am

Had a stupid argument with DH yesterday morning. It was related to traveling this coming weekend WITH all four dogs (two his, two mine), and various and sundry complications. Beginning with his original arrangements to "board" his dogs with BM (which he's done in the past, he pays her, it all works out, but now she's changed her mind and refuses to take them.) He came up with his "compromise" plan, which involved sticking both of MY dogs in a crate together, and having HIS two dogs (one of whom I DO NOT TRUST, and will not turn my back on) LOOSE in HIS vehicle (which I have to drive.)
He made this absurd suggestion (yes, in the heat of an argument) and I whirled around saying "Dammit! You're taking into account EVERYONE's feelings EXCEPT YOUR WIFE'S!"

To which he responded, "What the F does BM have to do with ANY of this?"

WTF?

He's been divorced for three and a half years. We got married in early June. And when *I*, of all people, use the phrase "your wife", he thinks I mean BM????!?!?!!!!!

OUCH!

He realized, almost immediately, what he'd said. He claims that he had already jumped to a conclusion about what I was going to say (that I was going to bitch about him rolling over, yet again, for BM), and that he didn't really LISTEN to my words before yelling back at me.

Still.

I'm seriously creeped out by that comment, and CANNOT, for the life of me, shake it off and let it go.

Comments

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 10:07am

Oh crap! I think that "ouches" worse than when DH slipped and called me by her (BM) name...twice!!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 2:21pm

Dog,

I do not mean to make light of your situation and your DHs brain fart but I did chuckle when I read it. Biggrin

This may not be a huge issue and is very likely just a brain fart on his part.

Both my wife and I have called each other by our previous SOs names. I have called my bride by my XW's name, and she has called me by the SpermIdiot's name (SS's donor).

We both definitely had that brainfart early in our marriage.

I just called my bride by my XW's name this weekend. We were unpacking boxes and I came across some old family vacation pictures with my XW and I, my parents and my brother. We all looked at them and chuckled (mom and dad dropped in this weekend for a short notice visit) and moved on to unpacking more boxes. Later we were talking about vacations and I turned to my bride and said "(XW's name), do you remember when we went to .....", my wife cracked up, my mother cracked up and my wife responded "Ummmmm, Rags, that was your other wife on that vacation and you just called me by her name". :O

I felt like crawling under a rock.

You and your DH just married in June so the newlywed brain fart card is still a viable card to play to get out of jail on this one IMHO. I just had to play the brain fart card this WE and my wife and I have been married for 16yrs.

I have not made that mistake in several years ..... until yesterday. Don't be too hard on your DH. These things will grow less frequent over time but they may never go away completely.

IMHO of course.

j-dog's picture

Submitted by j-dog on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 3:33pm

Well, yeah. That happens. Has happened. Will happen.
Other than the raised eyebrows, and an "Excuse me? Who am I?" I have (and will) let such things slide.

But when I used the phrase "your wife" to refer to myself, and he made the leap to THINK I meant BM? That's not, at all, the same.

Calling me his XW's name when he's distracted is no big deal. Brain blips--we ALL have 'em.

Assume I meant HER rather than ME, when I use the phrase "your wife"? THAT is a problem.

(And perhaps triply so, after the weekend of skid's birthday. I bought SD a really nice gift. I noticed time was running short, so I went shopping and bought HIS gift's for his daughter. I bought her a birthday card, from each of us. I wrapped all her presents. I took her, DH, and DH's mother [who treats me like crap, pretends she can't remember my name, and who attends mass regularly at Our Lady of Perpetual Adoration of BM or whatever she wants to call the shrine to Saint Birth-Mother] out for a birthday brunch for the kid...that I paid for because DH says he's broke. And later that same day, I had already agreed to drive that same MIL who hates me, to skid's soccer game [so MIL can ignore me and talk to BM for an hour. Yeah...in THAT context, having him assume "BM" rather than "j-dog" when I used the phrase "your wife"...NO! That's NOT "just a brain blip." Huh-uh!)

Ooops....are my fangs showing again?