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I hate my DH!!!

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Tue, 08/13/2013 - 9:54pm

Background, back in May, Dh and I had a bitter 3 day fight because BM wanted to ride to prison(1.5 hours away) with my dh to pick up their loser son. ANYONE else was forbidden to ride with them. *Other annoyances/instusive/boundaryless occurrances: almost daily phone calls for the year SS was in the slammer, 15-20 minute chats in my driveway during SD11's pick ups and drop offs. Anyway DH did not ride with the hag, who lost her live-in boyfriend the same time as SS went to prison. But 1 week later, he spent 8,5 hours with BM SS SD and all BMs family and some of SS friends. Without me.
NOW, the wh*ore is coming over my house tomorrow to take a oicture of SD11, Why not at school? And get this, Dh told his daughter to call her mom and ask her if she was going to? So he basically invited a woman I despise to my house.

Comments

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Tue, 08/13/2013 - 10:10pm

BTW, I went back on Xanax today. That helped today's intrusion and I'll keep taking it and keep taking it until I don't feel anything anymore.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 3:05pm

Dh's argument is that the skid mark has had her picture taken before the 1st day of school every year and this year should be no different(because over this past year BM and Dh's problem with boundaries has just about caused us to divorce).

Neither the bm or the sd brought it up so maybe it's not that damn important! And I told him the f'ing b*itch can take a picture at school, not at our house. "seh's always gotten it taken at home" he says.

Last year it wasnt taken at all because BM was visiting SS in prison that day. And the year before that, BM had sd.

He's just trying to piss me off. Well, I'm pissed!! We were getting along just fine since the end of May until this!!!

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Tue, 08/13/2013 - 10:29pm

Castration was my first thought too. I probably hate your husband more than you do.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Tue, 08/13/2013 - 10:31pm

You know this site has made me appreciate my DH more - compared to some of these asses here he is an angel.

PestyBrattyMama's picture

Submitted by PestyBrattyMama on Tue, 08/13/2013 - 11:17pm

I'm with oldone and dtzy! I end up appreciating my Hubby a little more sometimes after some of the things I read here.

It did take him quite awhile though to understand he had to put my needs before BM's wants.

Why do you let your DH make you the lowest priority? That's unacceptable. If my DH was treating me like a roommate whose opinion and needs didn't matter I'd be treating him the exact same way and he would feel it pretty darn quickly! Have you let him know you don't want her in your home?

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 5:42am

medication helps until you're ready to do something about this. just don't let it go too long, xanax is some bad shit.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 2:58pm

Good.

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 6:53am

You really need to go have a frank convo with your dh called

"If she comes here, I leave and I am not coming back."

There comes a time in these step relationships that you HAVE to demand that your boundaries be respected. His exwife being IN the home would be one of those times.

If your unwilling to make such an ultimatum advise your DH that your XH, Xbf (anyone you were romantically involved with, preferably the one your DH knows has a huge dick) is also coming over to take pictures (just don't say of what). Two can play the game and sometimes men really need a live life example tossed in front of them so they can understand how freaking stupid they are being.

Myself? I would be calling BM and telling her "sorry, the kiddo got it wrong. She was wanting to know if you were going to the school to take pictures. You are welcome to take pictures AT SCHOOL, not at the house. Bye" Then I would engage DH in the frank convo starting with "If you ever invite that bi+ch into my home again I am GONE."

I don't care if the house is burning down and she is the only person in town with a bucket of water, she isn't coming in!

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 3:10pm

I'm going to leave. Not this year, probably not next year, but definately I am going to leave him. When I go, all of my debts, including my car payment are going to be paid. And I will have prepaid my lawyer, etc. When I leave, and I am, it will be on my terms-as easy as possible. He already did the easy part for me-with all I have been through over the past year(weve been together 5)I do not love him anymore. He is no more than a roommate to me now, after yesterday.
He wont even see it coming, and that's going to be the sweetest part of all.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 8:28am

He needs boundaries...He sounds like he is still married to her...I would say hell no and mean it...

Why are you even letting this happen?

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 5:48pm

You call her and let her know she isn't welcomed in your home. I would not make the call behind husband's back. They both would know I mean business.

You might want to speed up your plan to leave. The way he's acting, he may be planning to surprise you with a divorce.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 9:48am

No....Lock the damn door and tell your husband if she enters the building, he will be divorced for the 2nd time and mean it...

Our BM did something similar with the garage door code and coming in and out. I had moved in a couple months earlier and one of the kids came flying in the house to get something on her time. DH was at work and I was recovering from surgery. I flipped the hell out and went off on DH and I think I scared the hell out of him. Needless to say, he was on the ladder changing the code immediately. And that Christmas for me installed sensors on all the doors and had the locks changed.

You can say NO!!!! Just mean it.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Mon, 08/19/2013 - 4:26pm

Yeah, I've had the barging in happen. So I called the BM and told her to call first before the skid comes barging into my house! BM didn't like that(so sorry, wh*re), and I lock the doors behind us when BD and I get home.
We keep a spare key out the week SD is with us, because I refuse to pick her up from school so she has to ride the bus. I take it away the morning she leaves-she has to go through me to pick up a forgotten item.
Point is, though, DH does what he wants to do. He will get his just desserts when I blindside him with a divorce.
Until then, I also do what I want and I am not doing anything I don't want to do anymore!
If I ever caught the BM in my house and me and Dh weren't home, or if I weren't home and she was IN my house, I would have no choice but to 'defend my property from a burglar'.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 3:58pm

Thanks for the replies, but my dh's attitude is this(in fact he said this): If you don't like it *whatever it is that has to do with BM*, that's your problem.

Wow, I told him I have NEVER in my life been treated with such disrespect. Not by my Exh nor by any boyfriend I have ever had.

He always says, it's not about you, it's about the skid."

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 5:05pm

Well, since Dh got a rise out of me over this, imagine how pissed I'll be when they do the sd11's b day together in a couple of months. I KNOW THEM well enough to predict that will happen, so I plan on sceduling our 1st counseling appointment about 2 weeks before the weekend that it would occur. See, so far they have never done a birthday together. He had the f'ing nerve to invite her twice, but she didn't show up probably because she had a live-in boyfriend then, and there were boundaries in place. She has NEVER invited him/us to her house for a birthday thing, but now he just opened the door back up. That's what he doesn't understand. She is like a stray dog. Feed her once, she wont go away.

My dh is emotionally abusive I have decided. He really needs counseling. So do I.

It's hard to disengage completely because I have a BD12 who is with us about 75% of the time. I have to do my half of the cooking, I have to keep the house clean. I am not sure how to disengage and not have my daughter suffer.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Wed, 08/14/2013 - 7:11pm

If it weren't for all the other BS she has pulled in the past year, the picture would be no big deal.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Mon, 08/19/2013 - 4:45pm

He says he wouldn't get back with BM even if I died. I believe him b/c he calls her "dumbass" and "theif" and "whore" behind her back. No I think the issue is that he has 5 kids all together and he was a HORRIBLE father to them all-he even put 2 of them in foster care at one time because he used to be a drunk. TOTAL deadbeat to another one ,and this skid11 is the only one he hasn't been drunk for. SO HE IS A GUILTY PARENT, trying to make up for all the kids he screwed up so he gives the sd her way all the time about everything and will not discipline her which makes my life a living h*ll!! And it's also unfair to my BD because there is a double standard for BD and SD.
He is screwing this one up, too. Just in a different way, but I'm just bidding my time.
BM though, she would probably like for me to be out of the way, not b/c she wants dh back. But b/c he could fix things at her house, screw her on occassion, get money from him, etc. SHe is nothing but a user-no wait, she's lots of things, but USER is way up there. Dh knows this all too well, but that isn't the point.
The point is that I don't want the hoe anywhere around me or at my house!!!

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Mon, 08/19/2013 - 4:57pm

I would not let this "just happen". No you don't have to shoot her on sight - I know wishful thinking.

But I would confront in the most absolutely calm voice saying that "you cannot believe that DH is letting this women who he calls a dumbass, thief and whore to come in your home." Again very calmly tell her that you really do not like vermin in your life and that she is a pox that should be removed. And in ICY tones tell her that she is not welcome in your home and to leave.

Do not yell, do not be angry, do not worry about what the skidlet hears. Just the facts ma'am.