I don't know why this pisses me off
I don't know why this pisses me off so bad, but it does. Spring Break is next week for SD and it is BM's year to have her. Parenting time starts when she gets out of school (yesterday) until she goes back March 16th. We did it last year and had to pay someone $100 to watch her the whole week which we couldn't afford in the first place. We are on a very tight budget and any extra expenses are pretty impossible, but we did it. This would have been our "normal weekend", but since it isn't our year for spring break it gets cancelled. Do you think I could get a break? Nope!! BM is doing "us" a favor b/c it is our son's birthday this weekend and we are having only family over for cake. Nothing big as he is only 3. In my opinon I could care less if SD is here. If H didn't remind her she wouldn't have even remembered. She only cares that she will miss a "party". Not to mention that she has been sick for a week with the flu for the second time in a month. Ok, whatever she is coming this weekend, it's already done. But I swear I was home no more than 10 minutes last night and H says that SD wants to stay a couple of days next week since she doesn't have school. WTF????????????? I said of course she does. Why didn't BM ask you? He said that she did also. I said did you remind her that this is HER year? Yep he did, but she still wants her to come. I said who is going to watch her?(which his mom will, but lives 30 minutes in the opposite direction for either of our jobs and we have to pay her) I told he we can't afford to pay her and he said she would do it for free. That's not really the point. BM doesn't work and has a 2 y/o and 2 month old now and she can't watch SD on HER time. Ever since she got pregnant with the second child she has been "pawning" her daughter off on us every chance she gets. I need a break!!!! I don't know if upsets me b/c I'm pregnant (which SD & BM don't know about yet) and hormonal or that BM is being a horrible mother. I'm not sure what H is going to do b/c he knows I don't want her to stay and if she goes home on Sunday I will be the bad guy and get the silent treatment for a week. (which happened on MLK day) Anyway thanks for the vent and listening...I needed it.
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Don't u just love how we are never allowed to have set plans?
Before my skids came to live with us full time, I went thru the same thing Jen...don't get me wrong, 9 times out of 10 I loved having them here, but that one time when you are looking forward to a break, it seems like whatever BM wants BM gets....I used to get so pissed,,,and then there was DH feeling like oh I want my kids to come here if they want to...well what about me and my plans???....stick to yur guns...yur DH HAS to learn that yur feelings and needs have to come first before anything else can work...look we're ALWAYS gonna be the bad guy one way or another, so u may as well get a little break once in a while, cuz no matter what....u know something will end up being yur fault...HUGS!!!...trust me...I know EXACTLY how u feel.....stay strong!!!
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"
And then you feel like the
And then you feel like the bad person because you don't want to have to have the step brat around all the time. The DHs don't understand because it is their children.
My DH's ex wins everything. We are always on the wrong end of it.
I feel your pain. and it is pointless to dream of the way it "should" be with her b/c it never will. She seems to need control over everything and gets off on pissing you off.
Any way you can try to disengage from allowing her to upset you? I mean at some point we become the fools b/c the behavior is so consistently inappropriate, we should expect it by now.
I would feel pissed off too. You are not alone.
Could SD go to your in-laws, or
could you ask BM to have her parents look after her? That way, she is still in good hands but you get a break? If the grandparents live out of state and you can financially swing it, maybe you could buy her plane tickets to visit them. My oldest SD is going to visit my MIL who live out of state and she is going to be supervised by a stewardess during the flight. I think that children older than 5 are allowed to fly without their parents, as long as they are supervised by a steward or stewardess.
BM did this to us too
a couple of years ago. It was our sons 1 yr b-day and I purposely set the party to a weekend we did not have her (didn't tell H that). But BM called and said "oh well I can drop her off, just for the party. Then I will pick her up in couple of hours"
My H thought that was SO NICE :sick:
Well she showed up wearing ripped clothes, old shoes (she usually is dressed pretty well), and cried while my son opened his presents. SD was upset that she did not get any!! She was 8 at the time! If you read my blog you know SD still pulls this sh**. Luckly last year SD went with BM to a wedding in another state, which we had to guilt trip her to take SD. But the b-day party went really well without her.
I Know Exactly
This year spring break is two weeks. Oh Joy!!! So we are supposed to split the break in half. We asked the BM what half she wanted. Because of course she wasn't going to bring the topic up or even care or wait till the last minute. So she picks the first half if she's going to get off work ( which her work scheudle is not my problem). Whatever fine, spring break is starting/started and this woman has not called to say when she's picking her up or whens she returning her. Nice huh? She will probably wait untill sunday or monday to call or text ( because she is a pussy and just texts or emails).
Let us know how spring break goes. I'm intrested in hearing/
Well it went as I thought
Well it went as I thought. H makes a decision pretty much with my input. Disengage, disengage, disengage. That is my new plan. If I have to ignore her for the next two days, then I will. Our son's party was yesterday and he had a great time! He was out like a light by 6:30pm b/c he didn't take a nap. H had several beers by the end of the night and obviously had enough courage to tell me that his mom said that she would watch SD Monday and Tuesday. I sarcastically said GREAT! H brought it up again this morning and asked me to be "ok" with her staying. I think I might be a little better if BM would come over to MIL's house to pick her up instead of halfway between our house and hers. (which is still about an hour from MIL's house) I told H that I don't understand and that we are doing her a favor (even though he gets extra time with his little princess)by watching SD on BM's time and she can't even come over her to pick her up. It will still take at least 2 1/2-3 hours before H gets home after a long day at work. She lives about 90 miles away from us so it's not like its around the corner. BM is a SAHM, her mother lives in an garage apartment behind the house they rent and doesn't work also and she can't find time to bring her lazy ass(or someone else) over here to pick up her daughter? SD asked this morning if MIL was going to watch her until Wednesday and he said yes, but not until Wednesday only Tuesday. I'm sure she didn't slip up on the dates and BM is really planning on having SD here until then. When H calls her to make sure she is on her way Tuesday night I know that she will say she thought it was Wednesday and she has plans and she can't meet him. This will either piss him off so bad he will keep her another day and BM will still get her way and he will swear he won't ever do her a favor again. Or he will get pissed and just drive her all the way home like BM really wanted in the first place. I guess we will see, but I'm betting on myself this time.
omg.. that would tick me
omg.. that would tick me off. I wouldnt do any of the dropping off to MILs for those days.. have him do all the driving of the little princess to her day care.
What a pain in the @ss. A SAHM should be more than able to take her daughter the whole time. Next year, I would say.. seeing as how we split last year, this year we will only be taking her wed, thurs and fri.. same deal you guys got. Tell her you are doing her a favor by making sure that she gets some quality time w/her daughter!
that's a great idea
that's a great idea. I will definatley do that next year! By then I will be a SAHM too and I'm sure H won't see why I can't watch her, but I will put it like that- BM needs quality time with her daughter. Are you kidding me frustrated, there is no way that I would drive an extra hour to drop off SD at MIL's house. The only bad thing now is H usually splits pick ups/drop offs of our son at day care and now I have to do both!