SS6 and SD12 and BOTH BM's run our life due to guilt!!! Ugh!
I can't handle it anymore!!!! I've had problems with SS6 ,for 4 1/2 yrs now. I know this is harsh, and please don't think I haven't tried... But the relationship is totally forced and fake. There is no love and no connection. He doesn't follow rules, he's rude and he teaches my son bad habits. He is so manipulative and plays BM and DH like a violin! It's horrible! I dread every other weekend and 1mo. in the summer! BM is literally the devil. She talks shit about my son, makes fun of us bc we go to church, calls my DH waaay too much!! It's an issue. BM and I have zero contact.. Due to my last blog. I am trying and have been trying for the sake of my DH, but Im becoming resentful towards DH because he is forcing the relationship with SS6 and I. I mean, I literally can't stand the kid.
I couldn't even dare think about planning a vaca for our two kids without the skids being included! Why should our 2 kids have to wait to do anything until skids come over?
My DH carries around so much guilt and I get the brunt of it! What can I do? My DH won't stay with someone who hates his kids...?!? My SD12 thinks she runs shit too! Ugh! Both Skids work their dad like A fool! DH and my relationship is perfect except for EOW and when we have to talk about skids or BM's.
I feel bad because I know I am the adult here and I could just step back and disengage when they come over, but believe me-I've tried that and my DH gets mad bc I have nothing to do w skids.
I'm so exhausted with this situation but I love my DH. I'm only trying for him. Help!
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If your DH wants you to have
If your DH wants you to have a good relationship with his kids, he needs to realize that he has to play a part in it as well, he can't just expect you to figure it out on your own. Does he realize that BM has probably poisoned them against you and that they may treat you badly as a result? Ultimately, it is your responsibility to demand respect, but you need his support, and he needs to back you up every step of the way. Maybe you will never love his kids in the way that you love your own... but you can learn to like them enough to develop a relationship if your DH is willing to support you and back you up and listen to you. He has to be WITH you on everything, if not the skids will see it and take advantage. Have you ever talked with him about how you feel?
I have talked with him and
I have talked with him and his answer is always the same... Just show them more love.
What?!? He doesn't see the problem! Also, you are so right about him just expecting me to figure it out on my own. I've got 2BM's and 2skids..... A little help please!!
Yeah, its tough when you
Yeah, its tough when you don't have full support from DH. I have the same issue a lot of times with my DH. How can you show them love when they don't show you any love or respect? I can give advice, but the truth is that I'm not sure I have this one figured out either. Is he pretty supportive in other areas? Is he supportive enough to at least hear you out and try to understand. If he is than maybe try explaining to him what its like to walk a mile in your shoes, be specific about the things that bother you... explain why you feel that his guilt causes him to be too lenient and ask him to work WITH you. If he won't do that I am afraid I have no more words of encouragement because although I have love for the kids, my DH isn't always supportive either.
Oh... and I know exactly
Oh... and I know exactly what you mean when ot comes to vacations! I have 4 skids 50% of the time and 1 BD4. We could never do anything fun because it was too expensive with all the kids and he felt guilty doing things with out them. I just started planning things for me and my BD on the "off" weeks. If he chose not to join us, too bad. Ultimately, he would feel guilty for missing out on all the fun stuff with our BD and join us anyway.
Nice! I like the planning
Nice! I like the planning things with Bkids and if DH wants to join then he can! Thank you for all your advice!