They don't on either side! Now we have spoken to bm's aunt and her sister however they are the only sane people in that family! But as far as mil and fil taking to bm, no way she hated them when they were married and still say nasty things about them.

I do know that my mil and fil are the sweetest and kindest people you would ever meet. My dh is the kindest and loving person ever. I remember my sil telling me that she has never met a kinder or sweeter man then my dh.

“You marry the family, you divorce the family.”

I freaking wish…
My in-laws are so OVERLY involved with Mother Russia my DH sometimes questions who their real child is! They call her every day and baby-talk her like she’s one of their grandkids… they lavish gifts on her for every occasion… and they stay with her at least one night every time they come down south to visit. It’s sickening from our perspective. I’ve tried to take the high road of “DH divorced BM… his folks didn’t. She’s the mum (physically at least) to their grand babies and nothings ever gonna change that. Even though they moved 5 states away because Mother Russia was so hateful to his family he moved to save his sanity… and they seem to get along BETTER now that they’re divorced… what are you gonna do?

But I think that the reason they keep her so close is because inside, they’re still terrified that she’ll try to grab up the boys and take them away to Russia some day. On paper, it’s all too possible… she has no friends here, no family, she makes a butt load of money and is highly sought after in her field (has had numerous offers from Germany and would get her out of the “filthy United States” as she calls it!). There’s nothing tethering her to the states at all… accept this “family” that my in-laws have created for her.

Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer…

H's entire family LOATHES bm. The in-laws really have never had to interact with her because kiddo has always lived with H's family or H. When bm kidnapped kiddo for that 5 months, she would not tell anyone where she was or allow anyone access to kiddo in any shape or form so it wasnt an issue then. According to H, my mother-in-law made bm's mother break down into sobs in the hospital while kiddo was being born after bm's mother insulted H and his family (and their race). Theres a lot of nasty dynamics going on with my in-law family and bm and her family (race, socio-economic, formal education, values...all different). Ive never seen them interact, but knowing my MIL, i would assume that she is distant, cold, and civil if and when she and bm ever have to interact. I would also assume that if bm said something "off", that MIL would rip her a new a**hole. My MIL despised bm from the get go when she realized her teenage son was dating the teenage girl-scum. I adore my MIL, and she is a very formidable, opinionated, independent, intelligent, outspoken, matriarch of the family type woman. BM and her mother are simply opinionated and outspoken (read: loudmouths). H's brother once went to a strip club (gross) with his friends for a bacheolor party a few months after kiddo was born and ran into bm... who was butt naked and girating on the stage with dollar bills poking out of her only piece of clothing - a G String (disgusting). Lovely woman.

They are kind and warm to her, and I know that they email and call from time to time. None of that bothers me much, because they are also kind to me...but it does bother me when BM tries to send her ugly photos (of her with the kids, in frames) to my in-laws via the kids when we go to visit them. That's a bit much, in my opinion.

Let's see there was the year MIL gave BM the same gift as me for xmas, DH's cousins recently inviting her out of state to an event & her bringing her BF , his kids & the skids, or my BIL who never includes us to anything they host but invites BM every year to my nephews birthday....BM will not deprive anyone of her friendship.

Jlot,
How long were they married? How do you and your DH get along with the BM?

My inlaws can't stand BM... but then again...as MIL puts it... she was just a passing "Blip" in DH's life... they were never married..so maybe that makes a difference

BM doesn't really communicate with DH's family other than social niceties and vice versa. I, however, am still close to ex-ILs. We don't vacation together or anything that extreme, but they've joined us for family dinners, attended birthday parties, we chat on the phone occassionally, I take the kids to visit on mother's day/fathers day, etc.

In fact, MIL was just admitted to the hospital recently and asked me to drive to her house and pack up some toiletries and such for her. Nothing says "family" like digging through your ex mother-in-laws underwear drawer.

If ex and SM are there, I give them their space. But the truth is that I was their DIL for 10+ years and we developed a relationship apart from ex. Also, ex and SM and I all get along fine. If they ever indicated to me that they had a problem with my involvement, I'd back off.

So maybe that makes a difference?

I personally don't see a problem with maintaining cordial relationships with exs but where it crosses the boundaries are when the in-laws don't accept or respect the new partner. In my case, I never visited my ex-in-laws although my DD spent a lot of holidays and vacations with them. Her dad took her. They came to her high school graduation party at my house and her college graduation at her apartment. That was fine.

In my new marriage, we were treated poorly by DH's sisters right after the wedding. (jealousy and control issues as I've discussed) BM still goes to every holiday function although the kids can get there on their own. (21 and 17) That to me is a bit much when she has her own family and according to DH, couldn't care less about his family when they were married. She never visited her MIL, for example, although she lives only two blocks away. MIL loves me and that has been a blessing. She sees how happy I have made her son.

BM also showed up uninvited to a friends gathering we had at MIL's a couple of years ago. That was weird, esp when DH was introducing me to his friends as his wife while old big ears was sitting right there.

mil is TOO involved! and that's why she hardly ever sees her son! }:)