Just an update and to give a little bit of hope for those dealing with BM's and SD's from hell. My SD does not live with us after suing us two years ago to live with mom. Still irritated by the way it was all handled, but it is not really a day to day issue anymore.

DH and I have finally come to an agreement regarding her. He no longer tells me when he is going to see her for their dinners or occasional lunches. They see each other once a month at the most. Now, he just sends me an email when he knows I am working and it is one sentence and not elaborated. I respond with a K and that is it. No drama! No criticism for me about her. He is smart enough to do it when he knows I am traveling or busy.

This is working great. I still monitor her twitter feeds once in awhile in order to stay on top of anything just in case. But, have defriended her on Facebook. There have been a few calls where DH has left the room, but that is rare and I do inquire. Last month, she and BM were having some drama and she called him. Great, he is Dad and he can handle it. When told, I just said shame she can't live here, since she burned that bridge and she can't apologize. That was it....We have come a long way!

Our marriage is great and a huge priority for both of us now. He is happy and so am I. My SS14 is doing great and his grades were all A's and B's. A far cry from what they were when we got him full time a year ago. BM sees him about once a month for dinner and only if DH sees SD, then miraculously SS gets a text. Thankfully, there is no more communication with BM about anything....NOTHING! It is awesome.

I still resent what SD and BM did and what they cost me and him and the boys, but, she is not a factor anymore. I will probably never get over it. DH recognizes that she is incapable of any mea culpa and honestly, it is way too late for it now anyway.

We just spent a week together, just us for vacation touring vineyards all over NC, which I highly recommend. It was great to spend time together and BM and SD only came up one time and it was two sentences and done. This is huge, last year, it would have put me in a bad mood for days.

I have re-engaged a little with SS14, but really it is up to DH to parent him. I do cook and do laundry, but that is it. Everything is DH's problem as it should be. My BS18 is going off to college next month and that is my focus. When he is gone, I will miss him, but I am ready for it to be about me and my career.

I know we talk about disengagement on here, I did it when I felt I could do nothing else. I have protected myself financially and emotionally from SD and BM. That give me the power and not them. SD17 is a train wreck and I will not have her affect my life. I still have people tell me things she has done and things BM has done considering they live in this town. But, I usually say what a bitch and move on. DH knows that no money will go to my SD for anything. If it does, I will no longer give him any money towards half the bills and will work on an exit strategy. I know he texts her and I really wish he wouldn't, but apparently that is his only method of communicating with her.

He sent an email today to say he was having dinner on Thursday with her. My response of K is it. No discussion, nothing. This works for us. Anything more caused me too much grief because he could not just say it and didn't like my facial reaction. This way there is none.

My SS hasn't seen his sister now in over a year other than passing in the hall at school. She has one year left and then she is gone. He can't stand her and she can't stand him for some reason, basically he breathes. BM caused this and of course, has done nothing to fix it. That is sad, I love my sisters and can't imagine not having them in my life.

I know disengaging is hard, but we have to do it for our own sanity. My BS is my responsibility. These other two kids are not. I do for SS what I want to since he is here full time and considers me "Mom". But, nothing is my responsibility and I like that. I tried stepping back in a little and taking him to the orthodontist and the staff infuriated me with saying I was just the Stepmom, so I have stepped out of that again...I really do what I want for him and it is nicer for him and I...I haven't seen SD in over a year other than the occasional spotting on the golf cart paths around town and that is awesome!!!!

Ladies, it can be done. We just have to be strong enough to do what is best for us and not what is best for the kid or DH!