SS signed the paper....Now it is in Lawyer's hands
Well he signed the paper in front of a notary public yesterday. BM will be served sometime in the next couple of weeks. DH asked him if he was sure he wanted this. He looked at us like maybe we had changed our mind. Told him we didn't and we still wanted him with us, if that is what he wanted. He does. Told us later he had a bad week again at BM's. I asked him did he want to talk about and he said no, he didn't like to talk about his problems. They were his. Just breaks my heart when he talks like this.
DH was very happy last night, he was sure he was going to change his mind. The notary, made him read the document before signing it, so we know he knows what he is doing.
BM has neglected his so bad, that this is her undoing. She put this notion out there three years ago that these kids could do what they want and live where they want when they hit 14. SS will be 13 in three weeks. I am sure as MOTY she never thought that one of the kids would do this to her. Despite the fact that she has done the same thing to us. Long story, but SD15 has no relationship with DH or the rest of us, since she sued us in the exact same way.
I really believe you reap what you sew. I can't wait until she is served. We are arranging it so she is served when the SS is with us on that first day. THis will give her a week to cool down, so she doesn't take it out on him. We explained this to him and told him that this way Daddy would be the bad guy. But, he was going to have to stay strong when BM talked to him about it. He said no problem. He can be very stubborn, so he will dig his heels in. That worked for him with this whole trip that BM planned for SD15 and not him.
DH has a list of things he plans to say to her when she calls screaming at him about this. Among them that she brought this on herself, neglecting her son for her daughter; she started this mess, she spent so much energy being mad at DH and trying to get even with him, that she forgot to realize she was a parent first and needed to put both of her kids ahead of herself. That she was greedy 6 years after the divorce and felt she was entitled to more money from DH. Money she should have got in their divorce settlement. She saw CS as her way to get that money. Despite what the mediator told her she wasn't entitled to a dime, she owed him. Now the table are turned and we are entitled to CS if SS lives with us. We are preparing to tell her if she pays all the lawyer fees for all the litigation that she has caused, just at 15K now, we will forgo any future child support.
We don't need her money, would it be nice to have her write a check monthly so she realizes how well all of this worked out for her? Hell yeah...
I am a nice person, I volunteer too much and I am a good parent and have a career I love. But, this situation the last few years, has made me bitter and angry. I resent that...I resent that my friends know about any of this mess. I resent that people that don't know me, think I was mean to my SD. I resent that she made me this way.
I am curious to any of you that read these blogs? Have any of you ever been able to years later, tell these BM's off for the mess that they create? I fantisize in my head that the day after his HS graduation, I walk up to her somewhere and let her have it.....I know it is a fantasy, but has anyone ever done it?
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Seriously, to really change
Seriously, to really change the court system, more CP bioDADS need to start pushing for CS from the biomom.
Why should a neglectful, CP biomom who loses custody and was on the CS gravy train get to walk away scott free?
It's not so much you NEED the money, it is the BM's responsibility and until more CP biodads start demanding equal rights in the courts, the courts are going to look the other way with their "Old GIRL aka entitled BM system"
Problem is they never had any
Problem is they never had any CS.
We are in a different
We are in a different situation than most on here. DH didn't know that all these years he was entitled to CS. When she started this mess with SDthen14, she told DH she was entitle to 1600 a month. He laughed at her and said let's go to court. Fast forward 1 year and it finally gets to mediation and she owes him 5 dollars a month. He said he would let it go if she agreed that when SS came of age and said where he wanted to live she wouldn't fight it. She agreed if he agreed he would never sue her for CS when SD turned 18. He didn't sign that part, since she has not executed the final papers from that mediation. His lawyer made her agree to execute the other thing. Legal games.
However, we are entitled to anywhere from approx $300 a month if SS lives with us full time. Well when SD turns 18 it goes to $600 a month she owes us.
We don't want her money, we just want her to pay for what she caused. All lawyer fees. The amounts will be similar and we will get back some of DH's savings.
She yelled to him in mediation that he was not fair to her in the divorce. He gave her half the equity in the house and they both walked away with their retirements. She left all the furniture and asked for half of their checking account. Not sure what more she wanted, since she initiated the divorce. He has the family home and she lives up the street. Yes her house is smaller than ours and needs work. Found our yesterday she is having her back yard re-done. So my hopes of her moving anytime soon, are vanishing.
She believed that she was owed money from DH and CS was a way to get it.
So happy for you, your SS,
So happy for you, your SS, and your DH. Some of these BMs think they have all the power just because they have the kids. What they don't get is that they don't OWN the kids. Custody is just a piece of paperwork and can be easily changed especially if that's what the kid wants. Best wishes to you and your family! Do you have any idea about how long it will be before SS comes to live with ya'll
If she fights it we are
If she fights it we are looking at at least 9 months before we get in front of a mediator or a judge. Here you have to go to mediation first. With SD15 DH and her had an argument shortly after we were served so he told her he couldn't live like this and if she wanted to go live with her mom, she could. He dropped her off with just her backpack and that was it. Off to mediation...a year later and DH and BM arguing over CS for her. She wanted 1600. She was entitled to NOTHING. That agreement that they worked out giving up physical custody of SD15 has never been signed. BM's lawyers are playing games with the wording.
BM was supposed to encourage SD to see her Dad and instead has bribed her with other things and he has seen her 4 times in 1 year and half. We will encourage SS to see his mom, but we will not agree to any visitation that he doesn't want. She didn't encourage a relationship with SD and DH, why should we for her and SS?
So to answer your question, it could be at least a year before we get to a judge. Hopefully, SS will get mad at her and it will happen sooner. I have a feeling she will fight it and try to convince him everyday to not do this...She plays him and constantly thinks he is just 5 years old and doesn't have an opinion....
We are in GA. It is 14...
We are in GA. It is 14...
We are told by the lawyer
We are told by the lawyer that a judge can do what they want regardless. So it is best not to let it get as far as the judge. Especially here in the south where BM's rule. But, we are told they will consider what they want at 12 and at 14 if they are adamant they usually give in to what the kid wants but if the household has problems they have been known to override the kids wishes. Also, at 14 they don't push for visitation much.
So basically we are at the courts mercy and BM's mercy. The best thing were to be if she let the kid do what he wants. If she wants any type of relationship with him going forward, she better.
Can he really choose himself
Can he really choose himself or does the judge start listening to the reasons why they want to live at so and so house at that age? My EX-MIL keeps telling my daughters that at 14 they can choose to go live with their dad. SHe is always filling their heads with reasons why they really want to move. What our laws state though are that the judge will listen to what the children want to do, but he will base his decision on several different factors including whether or not there has been a substanial change in circumstances in the lives of the children.
Little does ex-mommy-in-law dearest know, but she is pushing the girls more to me then away from me.
Judges can do whatever they
Judges can do whatever they want. We have seen it play out down here with a friend. He is now suing the judge...
At 14 the kids opinion has more weight, but nothing is a guarantee. Also, the kid has to talk to the judge and they can change their mind at any point in the process. That is our biggest fear. BM will try and change his mind and she is going to fight this...