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Doctor Appointment for SS14

justmakingthebest's picture

BM has always claimed SS14 has all of these illnesses. She doctor shops until she can make her story plausible enough to get a diagnosis. BM has claimed for a couple years now that SS has EDS (Elhors- Danlos Syndrome). This is a pretty debilitating disease. BM is just sure he has it. She claimed he was tested as a baby and DH forgot. Although he has never had a dislocation, doesn't have bruising issues, doesn't have "pale translucent skin", doesn't have joint pain, etc. Last summer DH and I took him to a major children's hospital's genetics clinic. They determined that he does not have EDS. BM was pissed and within 30 mins of us leaving the hospital she had SS convinced that the doctors there were liars. 

Around Thanksgiving she took him to another hospital out near her to a rheumatologist - he stated that SS didn't meet the requirements to see a geneticist for EDS but since the mother is insisting, he referred them over to the genetics clinic there. Anyway, that appointment is tomorrow. BM hasn't told DH any of this. Through some super sleuthing, I was able to track all of this info down. We talked to the hospital social worker and she has arranged it so that DH will be on a conference call for the appointment. It should last 2 hours. The hospital has stated that since DH does have joint custody that BM cannot stop this from happening. 

DH's main goal here is to make sure that no more false history is entered into his chart and to correct the false history in it already. He also wants to make sure that BM isn't going to try and get some bogus doctors note stating that SS can't go on the cruise for medical reasons. That would probably get her out of the contempt filing if she was able to pull that off. She did get a bogus note for the last cruise and it took a few calls and a ton of stress to have it cancelled out and the doctor coming back and stating that there was no reason for him not to go with us, that he wrote that note becasue BM said she needed it. 

I am so nervous about this call! Part of me wants BM and SS to get mad and walk out. The other part wants DH to be able to address everything in his medical history that is false in front of SS - he probably won’t accept what DH is saying but to hear his father advocate for him will hopefully open his eyes just a little. BM has stated that SS18 is schizophrenic (he is not), that SS14's other 1/2 brother has juvenile arthritis (he does not), that SS14's 1/2 sister is a full sibling (she has some conditions- or not, who knows- that have strong genetic ties to BM tried to use those to say SS14 is the same), DH has substance abuse problems (he does not), BM lists her BF as Father and Stepfather, etc. I just am so happy he is going to have a voice in this appointment! The most important thing that has to be accomplished though is no doctor excuse for this trip that is unwarranted. 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Yes, BM will cancel this appointment - is the office going to tell her DH will be there?

SteppedOut's picture

My vote goes to she will walk out of the appointment also. 

Honestly... I'm just going to throw this out here for some consideration. BM is used to being in control. BM sounds at least about half crazy - normal people do not create made up illness in their children. 

Are you a little bit concerned that she may act like a cornered wild animal? Do you have any fear that she may start actually DOING something to make SS sick and/or hurt when you rip the power away that she has from just talking? 

justmakingthebest's picture

YES. That is a huge concern for DH, me and our attorney. He has actually stated multiple times that ours is one of the cases that keep him up at night. 

We want to go to DCF over it, but since we are dealing with ongoing litigation the problem arises that we look like we are just stirring a pot and won't be taken seriously. We are also fairly certain that we will file a report with Fleet and Family (Navy's version of DCF) to start and investigation. Since SS is so rural with no military base near, they will contract with local social services to do the investigation. We just don't know when to file it so that it won't look like we are just retaliating on BM. I hate that this is something we even have to question. 

We keep hoping... although I am about out of hope... that if we can just get this order signed for pretty standard long distance parenting time, we can have a grasp on what is happening with SS. That we have a shot of stopping her from destroying his life in one way or another. 

ndc's picture

You might want to also forward the reports of the testing done by the other genetics clinic. It can only help SS for his doctors to have full, complete and correct medical records.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Dont be surprised if BM retaliates by keeping your SS from your family vacation anyway.

You're doing the right thing, but shes going to be furious.

justmakingthebest's picture

Honestly at this point, I am hoping she does! 
DH and I can get the drink package without a worry in the world. We will also get a cabin to ourselves- DD can stay with SS18 and BS13 in their cabin (we have adjoining). We don't have to worry about SS acting out. We don't have to pretend that everything is A-OK. We just get to file for contempt and reimbursement and then see where things go from there!

ctnmom's picture

Your BM gives me Dee Dee Blanchard vibes. All three of my kids are strong, compassionate, successful adults- what mother doesn't want that and work towards that? What kind of parent wants to WEAKEN thier kid?

thiscantbenormal's picture

I think it is in the psycho martyr handbook.  People can’t feel sorry for you if your kids are thriving. And mental/health disorders can be used to mask bad parenting. Got a BM that dabbles in munchausim by proxy here.  

 

 

Disclaimer:  I know there are kids out there with legit issues that are a challenge for good parents.  

thinkthrice's picture

The Girhippo is EXACTLY like Jmtb's psycho GUHCBM Munchausen Mama.  We didn't have the resources to fight her and the fact that Chef didn't see this in her until it was too late caused him to drop the rope early on.