What are the chances?
We have been trying to secure visitation with SS for months now for 1/2 of the winter break. BM has refused to send him. We went back to lawyers, they have ordered transcripts of the last hearing where it was agreed that he would spend 1/2 with us and 1/2 with her. SO and BM were to work out the dates. Since BM is refusing, we got with the lawyers and we had a hearing Monday that got rescheduled to Thursday. Break starts tomorrow.
Her lawyer has been completely unresponsive to our lawyer. NOTHING-- not even on an email thread going between the 2 lawyers and the JUDGE. BM refuses to answer texts or respond to e-mails. Now, for this hearing, BM was not served, her lawyer was. SO informed BM via text and email about the hearing and offered to try and co-parent before the hearing- mostly to just get a response at this point so we can verify that she knows about it.
My question is, if our lawyer shows up with to the hearing and BM and BM lawyer don't, what are the chances she can say BM didn't know and not have to send SS out? If the lawyer was served, emails send, texts sent... What else can we do from 1300 miles away? We followed every rule and I am so scared that it is all going to get thrown out with her saying she didn't know!! Even with an e-mail thread with her lawyer, our lawyer and the judge!
Please tell me that the judge is going to see past the bullshit and the complete alienation that she is trying to pull with SS...
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Hire a process server and
Hire a process server and have BM served in her state. Usually costs like $75-150
We will definitely do this
We will definitely do this for the next one... there is ALWAYS a next one!
In my jurisdiction, BM would
In my jurisdiction, BM would have already had to have been served to even get a court date. Service is just to notify her your initial filing. Now, if she avoids that like our BM did (BM's idiot husband signed for it eventually) then you definitely want to get a process server. They cost more but our guy is great. He literally chased a guy down once.
We had BIL serve BM at work
We had BIL serve BM at work one day.
This BM would have to get a
This BM would have to get a job for that... She like alimony and CS too much to bother with a job! }:)
Literally just read a review
Literally just read a review on her Bar's page the other day that talked about how dirty it was and then said "the bartender was a mid-30's attention seeking mess". Guess who was tagged in their post as working that night?
I just about fell out of my chair. It's not just me!
(No subject)
BM didn't have a job at the
BM didn't have a job at the time we were trying to get her served. Her husband has cattle so they have a fence around their yard but they never shut the gate. They had the gate shut and locked for two months. Finally we somehow (this was years ago) sweet-talked a highway patrol into serving her. He just waited at the end of her street and waiting until she was driving and pulled her over. We didn't even know the guy!
If the lawyer was served and
If the lawyer was served and you can prove that then BM should be held in contempt of court, I think.
Don't be surprised if the courts are very lenient and not much happens. You can however use this incident to prove how uncooperative BM is when you end up in court in the future.
It sucks I know but you're doing the right thing, just keep up the good fight.
Just hoping it leads to
Just hoping it leads to things like a bench warrant... contempt of court... etc... so that if we decide to go for full custody this spring, it will help tip our favor a little.
I'd say it's pretty likely
I'd say it's pretty likely the Judge is going to be pissed that the email thread was ignored.
In my state, once a person is served, no one has to notify them of the court date. They are expected to look it up themselves, however, our lawyer sent BM notice as a courtesy.
That is what I am hoping!!
That is what I am hoping!!
Kind of off topic but what is
Kind of off topic but what is your end goal out of this?
Is your DH hoping to gain primary physical custody in the future? BM in this case already shows she doesn't care about an order or to make any attempts to co-parent. You guys are going to be running back to court a lot because I can guess she'll be in contempt a lot. Maybe one day she might start paying fines and spending time in jail but that wont give back the time she is taking away or undo the damage.
I would say your DH and his lawyer need to jump on this and start the process of trying changing custody. Show that BM is refusing to co-parent. She has a recent order saying that your DH get's the kids for half of this time and I'm assuming you can show that you guys made multiple attempts to set this up with no reply from BM? Now it seems she is making no attempt to appear in court as ordered? This is clear defiance of the court order.
DH and the lawyer need to present this for what it is- Parental Alienation. They need to fight for him to have primary custody. She will ruin his relationship with the children and it will harm them. While she's hiding out of state with the kid she most likely telling them "daddy doesn't want you" or "I'm protecting you from daddy."
End goal is for him to get to
End goal is for him to get to be a dad. Plain and simple. She moved out of state, he didn't fight it when he had the chance because at the time she was promising him that they would get back together, it was temporary. Fast forward 4 1/2 years later and here we are.
He is asking for a "standard" out of state visitation- Every spring break, 8 weeks in the summer, every other Thanksgiving and 1/2 of winter break (either Christmas or New Years rotating). I agree that he needs to fight for custody, and if she doesn't start allowing him to have these visits (and we will know by March) he is going to go for it. He has the ability to right now, whereas he didn't before. Military retirement is fast approaching, he will stay on shore duty until then. He isn't deployable as it stands. The timing of spring would also work out with the school years and also right before SS starts high school. So... we will see...
He needs to decide now and
He needs to decide now and use this. She's not going to suddenly have a change of heart and he's going to need as much evidence as he can present. It may take multiple contempt changes and years worth of ignored messages to show that she is the problem.
Sadly courts are very SLOW to change custody because the thought is it harms the child to be ripped out of their norm. Even if its at the cost of their relationship with the other parent.
Its not unheard of the courts to admit "yes BM is engaging in parental alienation and destroying your relationship" BUT "it would be more harm for us to take the child from her, her home, and the school then to just ignore the child's relationship with her father."
The longer he allows BM to do this the harder it will be to get the child.
Read Divorce Poison. It is all about this kind of stuff.