Depression and possibly anxiety? Ot
Lately i just cant fet excited about things anymore..cooking/baking,painting my nails...the twins turning two today...every feeling just feels lile "meh" or sadness....then theres the skid weeks and weekends where iam.constantly anxious cuz i know at some point dh and i will fight for something stupid...and its just really hard to even figure out "what is the matter with me" as dh so kindly put it
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Sounds like you're
Sounds like you're experiencing depression. Have you made an appt to be seen?
As of yet no but after the
As of yet no but after the weekend i will probably go.
You may be reaching a point
You may be reaching a point where you have had enough of your husband not stepping up int erms of parenting and finances.
Iam sure theres a little of
Iam sure theres a little of that mixed in as well, just really hard to pinpoint exactly how i feel or even what i feel
Hugs to you. I know how hard
Hugs to you. I know how hard it is to go through the feelings you are describing. I went through this with my exH. I was so tired of his empty promises and veiled insults. He was extremely verbally abusive and knew how to make me feel like crap. I can remember being so excited about things and then he would open his mouth and ruin the moment for me. I went through something very similar to what you are describing. Therapy did help, but the resentment creeped in. And then I went numb. I just stopped caring at all. It scared me how little I cared about him. In those days, I could have walked in on my exH with another woman and I would have shrugged my shoulders and walked away.
It sounds like resentment and anxiety are at play in your relationship. You really need therapy. He needs to go too and the two of you need to work this out. If you let it go too long, you will also go numb and then its hard to fix it.
When I walked away, my life changed dramatically. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, but one of the best. Please take a long look at your relationship. You owe your babies the best you can give them. And, they need a happy and healthy mommy. You deserve it and so do they.
And its scary even admitting
And its scary even admitting that i need therapy, as i feel iam being labeled as "crazy evil stepmom" i mostly try to talk myself up to motivate me just to do the little things...i clean the houae top to bottom..it gets destroyed in the hour...i cook a nice meal...it gets picked at and complained about then eventually thrown away...i try to get creative and redecorate...just nothing gives me the joy i used tp have...i gave the twins their bday presents (one of those two dollar walmart balls each) they were so happy to play and have fun...then i had to watch silently as the balls got taken away and one got purposely popped. I really want to be happy again..i just feel like its so hard now
i know its only going to change if i change but sometimes i ask myself whats the point in all this
What?!
Why on earth did you "have to silently watch as the balls got taken away and purposely popped".
No, you did not have to. You CHOSE to. And, you are chosing not being alone and having a "man" over the well being of your children.
Enough of the poor me, snap out of it and take care of your children.
Youre right i chose to
Youre right i chose to silently watch all cuz i didnt want to fight on their bday....i demand to buy a new one for them it sucks to feel this powerless
Hey, you know postpartum
Hey, you know postpartum depression can begin long after giving birth -- even beyond a year. Many women don't realize depression has been creeping in for a long time, so they think it can't be post partum depression. Try to think about when your mood started sliding and you might have your answer.
Regardless, you have a lot on your plate. Babies, skids, a husband who sounds TOTALLY supportive (ha, ha!)...don't feel bad about feeling bad! You feel how you feel and most people experience it in their lifetime, and women are especially prone to depression. And why not? We're expected to be everything: breadwinners, moms & dads, chauffers, maids, goddesses, thin, "put together," supportive, caregivers, upbeat and enthusiastic, and whores in the bedroom. Men...they get a pass for just about everything except bread winning.
You can try a mild antidepressant (be careful - they can be rough when you stop taking them and hard on your sex drive), therapy, or really trying to exercise, eat better, sleep better, take time for you -- all that stuff that's on the list of things to do for depression. A concerted effort at that stuff might be enough to shake your mood loose, especially because it sounds fairly mild from your description. You might also try a biotin supplement. I take it for hair loss, but I noticed it's also recommended for depression.
But whatever you do, don't feel bad for feeling bad. That digs the hole deeper. There is nothing wrong with you that isn't wrong with MILLIONS of people!
The problem is you insist on
The problem is you insist on being married to a jobless douche canoe who lets his kids run wild and walk over you while expecting you to love the h3ll he's putting you through.
Go back to your mother's and enjoy life again. Find someone who treats you like a woman instead of a hired hand sex maid nanny. Why do you stay hun? You know why you're upset. We all have given you advice that you're DH is an arsehole. Give your children the life they deserve. Let them see their mom happy again.