Is DH entitled to SS12's medical records?
Over a year ago, SS12 was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on meds for it. Since then, he's come over with little baggies of his pills - no instructions on dosages or what the pills even were but he knew when to take them, so whatever.
Recently, he's been prone to having seizures - BM said it's because of the medication he was on, so they took him off it. He's had 2 seizures that WE know about while on those meds. This last time they were here, SS12 was taking the very same pills that they supposedly took him off of (due to possibility of seizures). I asked SD10 "Aren't those the same pills you stopped giving him? Why is he on them again if they cause seizures?" and she just told me that's just what they did. :? And lo and behold, SS12 started feeling the symptoms of an oncoming seizure - dizziness, stomache ache, nausea (but he'd also been up since 3am in the morning)! SMH Thankfully, he DIDN'T have a seizure - he was miraculously cured when he talked to BM and found out that she had gone shopping for them *eye roll*
Anyway, I'm asking if DH is entitled to his medical records because we're hearing/seeing a lot of contradictory information. I told DH that we should have all the proper documentation on SS12's medical history or at the very least, a duplicate of his prescription bottle so we know EXACTLY what he's taking and when he's supposed to take it. What if he had to go to the ER? If they ask us what drugs he's on, are we supposed to just hold up the little plastic baggy?? Tell them "Uh, he's on yellow pills and blue pills and half of a white pill..." (DUH!) I mean, c'mon! We don't even have his health card!
DH asked BM for this information today and she refused, saying it was "none of his concern" :? Um YES, IT IS. SS12 is with us for 48 hours. If he's got a medical condition, we have every right to know all about it and what meds he's taking. The same information you would give a frickin BABYSITTER! Also, DH wants our doctor to check him over, just to verify everything she's told us about SS12 (ADHD, seizures, meds) and to seek a second opinion. For all WE know, she's giving SS12 old meds just to get him out of her hair - which I wouldn't put past her; she's done it with DH's SD13 (she came over one time with an antibiotics that were a YEAR OLD!). PLUS, she received $36,000 for BOTH kids, supposedly for their ADHD...yet SS12 is only getting worse, and SD10 shouldn't even be ON meds (she told me once that she's on pills for her "anger", which I've only seen when SS12 is bugging her).
Anyway, I think he should have that information. What's your take on this situation? We may have to get a court order for that information, no?
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It depends on the CO. Do they
It depends on the CO. Do they have joint legal custody? Then absolutely he has the right.
However if BM has sole physical and legal, then he's kind of screwed.
DH has visitation, but they
DH has visitation, but they live with her full-time. There's no CO that I know of...other than saying that he gets the kids every other weekend, Friday night to Sunday night...
Could we GET a court order for this? I mean, what if something happens to SS12 when he's over? We don't know what meds he's taking or when he's supposed to actually take it. This is simple information you would give a babysitter, isn't it? SD10 came with her prescription antibiotic bottle (for an ear infection), so why can't BM send over the bottles for SS12? I understand she may not "trust" us to give it to SS12, but surely she can request duplicate bottles from the pharmacy and only put in what he should be taking for that wkend that he's with us?
Yes. You can get an attorney
Yes. You can get an attorney and take action.
She's also being an unfit mother.
But it would be best to prove that DH has tried getting that info many times on his own.
So prove you've asked her and she's refused many times.
Prove he's gone to the doctor and they refused.
Or that you don't even know who the doctor is.
You can most definitely take legal action.
Only if he has joint legal
Only if he has joint legal custody. He may not have any legal rights on paper.
I guess we'll need to start
I guess we'll need to start taking screen shots of their texts...and we DON'T know who their doctor is!
There's no custody order?? I
There's no custody order??
I get it, I used to work in a medical clinic and it's important to have this information. It's not a trust issue with her, it's a control issue. And just because she may give this info to a babysitter, doesn't mean she'll give it to her exH because that is the game she wants to play here.
First thing...he needs to dig that CO out of whatever file it's in and read it from cover to cover again. He better find out what his rights are before engaging in a battle.
If he does have joint legal custody, then he should call his attorney, set up an appointment and get this straightened out.
Regarding the BM, I would continue to politely ask her for the RX bottles and written pharmacy instructions. Continue to site the reasoning of in case of an emergency, your DH will need to explain his meds to the hospital/clinic/med workers.
I do strongly recommend you take a step back and let your DH handle this (if you haven't already). Some BM do not take kindly to SM interference on med issues. I know you're trying to help the skid, however they are not going to see it that way and will question the SM involvement (and question why DH is not more involved).
@ Shaman29 - Oh yes, I'm
@ Shaman29 - Oh yes, I'm letting Dh handle all of it. Half the time, DH is working so I'm left to watch the skids; but what if something did happen and SS12 needed emergency medical assistance? Wouldn't I need to give them the correct information? God forbid something happened to SS12 on MY watch because I didn't have his information. BM would surely blame ME even is she didn't give us the proper info!
Thanks though for your input
You're welcome. H had/has
You're welcome.
H had/has (skid is now 18) a high conflict BM. He's been down this road before but he was fully aware of his rights according to the CO.
With respect to your DH, he should know the CO backwards and forwards. And again, if he doesn't have joint legal custody (which entitles him to medical and school records, as well as being a part of making medical and school decisions) then he's pissing in the wind as far as family court is concerned.
The BM in this situation is being a control freak and secretive in an effort to engage you both in conflict. Don't give her the satisfaction. Get your hands on the CO, get the information you need to either contact the docs office with proof your DH has rights to those records or to contact your attorney to get the CO modified so you can do this.
Good luck.
^ this. I assume yor DH pays
^ this. I assume yor DH pays some of the medical fees?
He needs to seek out medical records himself. As the father of SS he should be given access to them. Otherwise he can take legal action against the practice.
Also it's like illegal to carry around prescribed meds in a Baggie.
She needs to be giving you the bottle with directions and info on what you are giving the kid.
"Also it's like illegal to
"Also it's like illegal to carry around prescribed meds in a Baggie.
She needs to be giving you the bottle with directions and info on what you are giving the kid."
The kids are under HIS
The kids are under HIS insurance. And he HAS demanded/requested the info, but she's refusing to give it.
Are the skids on DH's health
Are the skids on DH's health insurance? Check the EOB's, that'll give you the Drs information. If your DH pays for their insurance then he is the guarantor, he'll have access.
Technically, I could have
Technically, I could have gotten the dr's name of SD10's antibiotics, but I didn't even think to do it. Is there a way he can go around BM to get the info?
Can he request it from the insurance company without BM's permission or what not? He hasn't signed his rights away or anything, so he should be able to?
This is why people need to
This is why people need to get court orders. Then everything is crystal clear.
It depends on what Canada's laws are. If you can call the doctor/insurance company do that. Trying to work with BM/get her to give dh the info will be futile.
I agree about CO's. I'll tell
I agree about CO's.
I'll tell DH to contact his insurance company and see if he can get that info.
It's more a control/pride thing with BM, I think. The kids' medical stuff is the only thing she has full control over right now, so she doesn't want to relinquish that "power". But if we have to bring out the big guns, we will. This is SS12's health we're talking about. Any GOOD parent would surrender that information...
Absolutely....which is why
Absolutely....which is why your DH needs to get his hands on the CO and find out what his rights are according to that CO.
If he does not have joint legal custody, he should contact his attorney immediately so he can go to court and modify the CO.
Thanks, fightincrazytrain.
Thanks, fightincrazytrain. You have some really good points!
BM would DEFINITELY put the blame on us, even if she was the irresponsible one. One time, SS12 left his baggy here with one pill still left in it - should I have kept it, even though it couldn't be proven that it was his, that he didn't bring it over in a baggy? I mean, it would be a different story if she sent over instructions with it ("One pill before bed", "Yellow pill in the morning", etc), but she just leaves it to SS12, who's not very bright to begin with.
Yes, DH would rather just leave things and not get involved in all the drama, but I always try to encourage him that BM is wrong and that he needs to do something about it. I'll just have to quit with the niceties and say "Listen, this is life and death with your son. You don't do this, he DIES!" :O
"Wow so BM just sends a bag
"Wow so BM just sends a bag of pills and does not even tell you what they are or the dosage but relies on a child to remember."
Because of DH asking for the medical info, she's refusing to let the kids come over...yet the minute they start driving her crazy, she has them texting DH, asking when he's getting them. She's really screwed in the head!
She's always claiming that Dh is a "danger" to the kids (since when did feeding them 3 full meals a day and taking them places become a "danger"???), yet she still sends them over at her convenience! You'd think that if a father was SO abusive, the mother would keep her kids away. So, anything she claims is discredited.
I am the BM in this very same
I am the BM in this very same situation, or i was anyway for several years in a row. My younger son used to be on ADHD meds that luckily did not cause seizures but headaches regularly. I would send him to his dad and SM with a few pills and hope and pray that they will give them to him on schedule. It often did not happen. My ex has never shown any interest in finding out anything about them, or contacting the doctor - which i would have welcomed, esp. if he had volunteered to take my son to his appointments. Nope, not a chance. SM had once raised some objections against the meds, but given that she saw my son twice a month, and i had to deal with him every day, i went with my judgment.
Some divorce decrees designate one parent or the other educational or medical decision-maker. Mine does not, but it is me de facto, if not de jure. It would make sense to specify whose shoulders this ( huge) responsibility falls on. Typically, it's the CP. Of course the father should have full access to all medical files. I would imagine being in touch with the kids' doctors would be sufficient. Why don't you take SS for a second opinion? You could invite BM along. My exH does not pay for my sons' health insurance or anything else that's health related, so i pretty much assume that he is not interested in any details. But i would love to share the burden.
When the kid develops a seizure disorder, it is such a force majeure, such a serious, significant, life-changing factor that one would hope the adults would be able to put aside their petty differences and work together. I would be scared as a BM to be solely responsible for a child thus afflicted. Have you tried to use this health crisis to establish a better working relationship with BM?
And by the way, how did she get money for her kids' ADHD? That makes no sense to me.