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Are your step kids greedy with their belongings? Hate to share "their" stuff? How to handle that?

LaMareOssa's picture

Submitted by LaMareOssa on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 1:19pm

So, since SD10 has been living with us, I've noticed some traits of hers that I hate.
She has always seemed to be "protective" of her stuff and I understand-kind of. I think when she lived with BM, her things would go missing either because of all her cousins, her step brother or sister or her older brother and sister would take her things. But, when BM packed up her stuff and gave it to SD, SD put it in one of those big flat rubbermaid containers for under the bed. She has some barbie things, monster high dolls and a remote control helicopter that she hoards in there-She doesn't play with them..ever and every once in a while she will pull those things out and show them to BD6 and BS3 knowing how badly BS3 wants to play with the helicopter and knowing BD6 would love to play wth her dolls. SD10 will show them off and put them back. It irritates the hell out of me! I know it's her stuff, but why keep it locked away?? She never played with them very much and she doesn't play with them now so why not let someone get some use out of them? I know it's not a big deal because BD and BS have their own toys, but I guess I can't understand why she doesn't share. Yeserday there was an argument over some rollerskates that don't fit SD anymore, but SD refused to let BD try them out..I just don't get the greediness. DH came home and gave BD the rollerskates. There is also a bag of things in our garage that SD wanted o give to goodwill and BD6 found a neat little lisa frank journal in there and wanted it. I thought it would be fine if she had it since SD was going to give it away and when SD saw that BD had it, SD got all sorts of upset saying that it was hers and that it shouldn't have been in the garage-I pointed out that I saw her throw it in the bag. SD said "Yeah, I changed my mind." BD6 shares everything she has with SD and it just makes me sad that SD can't do the same.

How should I deal with the greediness without sounding mean? I'm not expecting her to share everything, but it would be nice if she could share some things just like BD shares everything with her.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 1:31pm

I understand your frustration, but I think SD is pretty normal here.

I also am a firm believer in sharing in certain situations. I do not expect my kids to share their personal toys with each other. If they have guest over,,,then they do have to share with the guest. OR if they take a toy to someone else’s house…they had to share that toy.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 2:47pm

I'm not fond of forced sharing. It gives the sharer the upper hand~ "I'm only letting you play with this because your mom made me". That makes the other person feel worse.

It's like the girl who gets invited to a party because her mother complained that she wasn't invited.

Instead of trying to get SD to share, I would try to get my kids not to give a damn about the box of crap under the bed. Once they stop caring, SD loses a bit of power she has over them.

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 3:59pm

I wouldn't make SD's special toys in her container an issue. If she is really taking toys out just to deliberately taunt her young sisters, that behavior needs to be addressed. Take the container and put it away somewhere where no one can get it - for a day, a few days, a week. Whatever you do, do not give the toys to younger sisters because then you are creating entitled spoiled monsters who only have to whine to mommmmmmyyyyyyy and mommy will swoop in and get them whatever they want.

If SD has her toys out and is looking at them or playing with them, and sisters come into her room, she should not have to put them away. Then it is time for little sisters to learn they cannot get everything they want and to respect other people's belongings.

SD is not actually being greedy about her toys. She is keeping them close for whatever reason. Some kids are not ready to give up their kiddie toys until they are more mature.

FYI I just got my 14yo to give up his Lego Duplos this past weekend for a church auction. He hasn't played with them in years. You know duplos, the big fat legos for littlest kids. He's been attached to the memories, as he says it. There are other toys, they are put away, he just will not let them go.

It's not a hill to die on.