It's been a hell of a long week and really all I want to do is go home, open a bottle of wine, take a long hot bath and watch some television. That isn't going to happen. I know that, but it's a nice fantasy to pretend.

What is irking me right now is BM's continued crazy emails and texts to the SO about everything and it has me biting my nails to the quick. I know she's a drunk, I know she will likely never get custody without some long term treatment. I know she can't keep a job and stability is not her strong suit and I know by the end of the weekend she will end up in jail, or the cops will get called on her by the neighbors for the continued domestic squabbles with her boyfriend (who incidentally is the step father of her last boyfriend) and it won't matter how I feel right this moment, because given enough time she will screw up again. I mean the court appointed a GAL to HER this week because she has been deemed mentally unstable and incapable of making her own decisions.

And yet, here is the kicker. The home they shared (6,000 sq feet of money pit, I tell you) has been foreclosed upon and while most of you will call me crazy (go ahead...) I allowed SO and his 4 kids to move into my 1500 sq feet apartment. There were two choices. They move in with me or they get split up until SO can get back on his feet (necessitating that they be sent out of town to live with family members) and that wasn't acceptable to me. (Ok, go ahead....tell me I am totally insane). The odd part is that part of it is working really well (it's amazing how much more discipline you can instill when the children are near as opposed to hiding out in opposite wings of the house. And yet she is obsessed with getting her house back. She is now in the process of trying to get a deed in lieu of foreclosure and a deed for lease. This woman doesn't work and hasn't in almost a year (she also pays no child support but that part just makes my head hurt to think about).

So she is trying to get this house back and once she accomplishes that she will start to obsess on getting custody which won't happen and yet I am terrified that if she gets the house she could. I could care less if she wasn't a total menace to herself and everyone else. I could use the break now and then, but the two youngest are 4 and 2 (next month) and they can't defend themselves or take care of themselves when mom decides to go crazy pants drunk again. I know it's not my problem but I sort of love the little shits and it terrifies me to think that she could get custody and put those kids in such a total harms way. She can't possibly pay for the house without the boyfriend (who she claims is wildly abusive) and so he would have to live there too. Ugh this whole thing sucks, and all I keep thinking is maybe, if we are really lucky, she will just drink herself to death and we can all move on with our lives. How the hell am I supposed to not feel guilty for thinking that?