social situaitons
OK So I am looking for some feedback.
MY SD 10 is an extrovert and loves being around people.
However, I am concrened about her social skills. I am worried in trying to be the "star" or the social butterfly she is alienating herself.
She loves to be the center of attention and is not afraid to do something weird to be the center of attention.
One day she was standing accross the road at the school bus stop (right across from our house) with about 6 other kids. Her dad and I could hear her signing and yelling. We did not hear the other children. She was by far the loudest in the group.
She tends to not be aware of personal space. She will get very close or grabby with other kids. They will ask her to stop and it doesnt seem to register with her at all. She just keeps going like she never heard them until she gets in trouble. Againg, the same day as the bus stop thing, she was trying to hit people with her ponytail by whiping her head around and around. She was asked ot stop and kids were trying to get away from her and she just kept going like nothing had been said. The fact that she was irritation and crowding other kids was not registering at all.
We have also had comments.., not direct complaints, but it was mentioned in parent teacher confrences... that she signs all the time in class. Not just for music.... she will just radnomly make up a song on the spot and sign at the top of her lungs.
At home she does this horrible akward dance where it seems like she is trying to dance... just has zero body awarness or rythem. When she realizes she is being watched she amps it up times 100 and just starts jumping and flailing around putting on a huge show. If she were to do this at school, I know she would be bullied.
She is a sore losser. If someone does something better than her she acts like shes been insulted or bullied. For example she had a friend over and was doing gymnastics with a her. They asked who had the better front handspring... it was her friend by far. We told her her friend had a better front handpring but she had the better cartwheel. She got offened and stomped off leaving her friend saying " I need to be alone". She could not handle that she was not the best at everything without feeling victimized.
She also has very hard time with jokes. She cant tell them without getting them messed up. She also often does not understand the punchline. Watching TV.. she will miss the jokes but laugh at something that was not meant to be funny. IF she is told a joke, she doesnt get it most of the time.
She loves being around people and being in social situations... but she sticks out like a sore thumb and seems oblivious to it.
I have no bio children so I have nothing to gage her behavior on.
Is this normal, or is this something I should be concrened with?
If this is not normal, how can I address it with her without making her self consious? I dont want her to fear socializing, but I dont want her to make herself a target for bullying or being isolated from friends. I dont want people to look at her as the "wierd kid"
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Sometimes my daughter can be
Sometimes my daughter can be overbearing. I usually just deal with things as they come. For instance, she wanted her friend to take her somewhere and was being pretty demanding. I said after she got off the phone "You know, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar." When she looked confused, i said "Be nicer to them next time. That sounded a little rude."
Yep! she can act very
Yep!
she can act very entitled and when she's called out on it she feels bad but clearly had no idea how she was coming across to others
Yep! she can act very
Yep!
she can act very entitled and when she's called out on it she feels bad but clearly had no idea how she was coming across to others
Is your SD my SD?
Mine does similar things. I think some kids are more extroverted than others, but in our case, my SD has really really low self esteem so she overcompensates for it by constantly trying to make herself the star of the show. She has lost friends because of her behavior and gets in trouble in school a lot for interrupting, talking back, talking over everyone (teacher included). Teachers have had to send her out of the classroom on numerous occasions for being disruptive. She is rarely invited to other people's houses and parties anymore. She also has to be the best at everything, if anyone is better than her, there is some excuse as to why, she has never given anyone else praise (good game, great job on that!), she views any of her peers accomplishments as, she was better, it was just the teacher/coach/referee/whoever that wanted her to fail. She does not have ADHD, it is purely behavioral. She thinks that if she is the center of attention that means she is "popular".
DH addresses it with her. Unfortunately, BM encourages it, she's the same way, everything is drama, she must be the center of attention. DH tries to talk to her when she is calm, asks her to describe how she thinks the other people felt that she was affecting. Sometimes it works, but usually she claps back with, "They're just stupid! I wasn't doing anything wrong!" and her being excluded, getting in trouble, or not getting first place is because she was the victim in some way. Again, all of this is mimicking what her mother does.
I don't think there is a solution other than to point it out and try to get her to empathize, but if she can't do that, she will only learn through making her own mistakes, maybe being bullied and excluded. DH also asks her how she would feel if someone was doing that to her and how she would prefer people to treat her and tries to encourage her to reciprocate that with her friends. Sometimes she takes it onboard, most of the time she just carries on.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I was actually wondering if low self esteem may be driving it.
she has made off handed comments about how it's hard for her to make friends. She doesn't have any friends calling her at home or inviting her over.
what your saying makes total sense. She is an extrovert by nature but lacks the confidence to be secure in social situations. So her awkwardness Actually makes a lot of sense now.
I will try your suggestions of asking her how she made other people feel.
I don't want to lower her self esteem more but I'm afraid doing nothing will mean things only get worse for her.
Autism
Has she been evaluated for autism? Sounds like she's on the spectrum to me.
She not on the spectrum.
She not on the spectrum.
YSD does this that is why she
YSD does this that is why she can't maintain friendships as she gets older. All kids go through something similar but some mature faster than others and eventually pick up on social cues. 10 is still young I wouldn't be too concerned yet.
YSD is 13 and still acts like that. But I can't expect much as do all the adults in BMs family.
I am leaning towards this as
I am leaning towards this as well based on what was written. It sounds like she is insecure and trying to find where she fits. Most kids figure it out by middle school, but not all.
Have you considered putting her in dance or a local kids theater group? Maybe try to focus some of that flair towards something productive?
We have considered that. But
We have considered that. But unfortunate there are no youth theater groups in our area and dance lessons cost almost as much a a mortgage around here.