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why does he do this?

leogirl819's picture

Submitted by leogirl819 on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 11:32pm

Whenever I inform my H about some way my SS11 has disrespected me,been dishonest, or has disobeyed in some way, he always fires back at me with some "unimportant thing" my BD has done? As in, leaving her shoes in the living room??? Example: "honey just wanted to let u know, ur son has carved his initials in the window screen"...his response, "well ur daughter left her school book on the kitchen table"!! WTF??? how does that even compare??? UGHHHH

Comments

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 5:48am

Agree with houtxstepmom, he is doing a defensive reflex. Rather than rising to it with a defense of your child, so you both end up defending your child against a percieved 'attack' from the other parent, you need to acknowledge your willingness to deal with any issues he has with your child after you have both addressed the issue which you raised first about his child.

Maybe you also need to have a conversation in which you both acknowledge you have got into a cycle where you are feeling defensive about criticisms of your children and agree to try and stop, count to 10 and try to focus on supporting each other rather than automatically leaping to the assumption that it's an unfair criticism of your child. At the moment it sounds like maybe you're tale-telling to each other because you haven't agreed how much authority you have to discipline each other's children - perhaps that would be something to work on too?

instantfamily's picture

Submitted by instantfamily on Sat, 11/20/2010 - 12:06am

HOW do you put up with this BS when you've clearly been there, done that? You have raised your kiddos and they are adults and well raised- HOW do you tolerate your DH's behavior about his jackass kids? I'd be livid.

leogirl819's picture

Submitted by leogirl819 on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 10:39pm

Thanks so much for all the advice. Not sure how I could get my DH to go to a class...hmmm but i will try!Its always like this, tit for tat! Its drives me insane. And I know its a battle b/n my daughter and his son because we have a 4 1/2 yr old boy together and his name NEVER comes up during our arguments. We never argue over disciplining him...I always go to my DH about SS11 because thats what DH wants me to do. And then I look like the bad wicked step mom all the time!!!

But again, I really thank you all for the advice it has really helped me a lot....

sixteensmom's picture

Submitted by sixteensmom on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 11:22pm

Best to find a way for him to find the things skids do himself rather than you tattling... Tattling always turns into retaliation here.