DH dropped the boys off at BM's last night. According to OSS, BM and her new DH have gotten rid of (or had repossessed, who's to know) the couches in the living room and replaced them with two chairs and an ottoman. They also apparently got rid of the dining room table and shoved a bunch of junk in OSS's bedroom to store, including the dining room chairs.

Now, on the surface, this seems like it could just be money troubles. If you get your couches and table (but bot chairs, odd) repossessed, then you're likely just going to go buy what you can to fill the space. Or, maybe, when OSS leaves for college, the chairs are going in his room since his room is technically a den. Where OSS will sleep on breaks is unknown, but I can understand reclaiming space (we're doing it here with OSS's room, and I'm working on a bedding solution if he stays for a holiday since his room will be my office).

But, this isn't just furniture. BM has been "co-parenting" with DH a lot more. She actually let him take the boys to their doctor! She has offered up 50/50 custody during the whole pandemic! DH has been doing EVERY college prep thing with OSS (and according to OSS, BM doesn't even acknowledge him going). 

Now, all of this may seem like "yeah, duh, parents should do these things so why is it so special that DH is doing them now?" Because it means she's handing over control, and it breaks my heart for the boys because BM giving up control means BM is giving up (per other situations) and washing her hands.

There are other things, too. Her social media has switched to photos of her and her DH where she used to have pics of her and the kids. Her new DH has some number of kids, but you'd never know since they don't have space in their home and the boys couldn't even tell you their names, ages, if they're boys or girls, or how many there are. New DH also bought himself a vehicle that won't fit more than 2 people, which seems odd since the "family" vehicles they have need to be fixed before buying a toy.

If it were just me seeing these things, I'd probably call myself paranoid. But DH notices, too, and he's a bit pissed. YSS starts high school this year in a specialized program that isn't offered in our school district. YSS needs supervision over schooling that BM doesn't provide. So, now DH has to decide how to approach this with BM. Does he offer to take YSS and give her EOWE? Do we move or just make two, 45-minute round trips each day to drop off and pick up YSS for the next 4 years? Do we see if we can transfer him to a closer school district that has the program (if it has the program)? DH and I have no problem "taking" YSS, but this dribs and drabs of giving up parenting isn't going to cut it, especially when OSS is gone and not there to be a buffer for YSS.

I feel a bit like the boy who cried wolf because I've been predicting this would happen for years, and it never has. But this time, I'm reminded of what my mom and former MIL did when THEY were personally done with parenting. My XH lived at my parents' house on breaks from college because his mom sold all his furniture so she could move (she ended up dying before that happenend). Then, as soon as he and I had a place to live full-time at college, my mom and SF packed up and moved across the country without my siblings, two years before my brother graduated and 4 years before my sister. Them stepping out of parenting lasted all of two years before they came back to my rightfully pissed sister who still hasn't gotten over how, over the course of a summer, my mom quit her job, sold all my siblings' stuff, and left them with my dad with no discussion with my dad (never paid CS to him, either, and went several months still collecting it).

So, yeah. I'm hypersensitive and I hope I'm wrong.