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Anyone tried the Love Dare?

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 11:08am

You know from that Fireproof movie???
I'm figuring I'll give this one last go, try one last thing, and at the end of the 40 days if I'm not happy I'm going *anywhere* away from here.
I ordered the book today and it should be here shortly, then we'll see...
Even if it doesn't help save my relationship, I'll know that I've tried all I could and maybe find peace with him as he is so that I can leave w/o feeling guilty.

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Endora's picture

Submitted by Endora on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 11:24am

Because I saw the movie. I am on day nine- so farit is lots of work! Stay tuned.

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:01pm

even though it was kinda hokey in places...I liked the theme.
I'll have to see how you do too. It seems like it might help with the barriers and stuff between us. I'm not expecting a miracle, but I want to see if I can change my perspective to view him as he is and not how I want him to be...maybe then I can see for sure if he's right for me or not.
Since he saw the movie too, he might catch on to what I'm doing and appreciate the effort. Who knows?

Serena's picture

Submitted by Serena (not verified) on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 11:27am

But I tried something similar in my first marriage (wanna guess how that turned out? Wink )

Basically, my idea was that we were in such a rut of treating each other badly that one of us needed to step up and treat the other the way they wanted to be treated. The whole thing is a do unto others type approach. It actually worked great, as long as I kept it going. Eventually he would revert and we'd have to start all over again. It was exhausting and not worth it in the long run. Definitely worth a try though!

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:04pm

That if I make it through all this, he'll behave the same as when we started. I guess if I love him and accept him, I'll be ok with it.
The truth is I'm just trying to get 40 more days into this relationship so I have time to find a new place to live and get myself set up somewhere better. I am honestly going to try to do this, but it also buys me time to get myself emotionally and monetarily prepared to leave if necessary. I'd like to think that maybe by the end of 40 days he'll appreciate me more too.
We'll see...

aka's picture

Submitted by aka on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 11:31am

I think it is admirable that you are trying something to save your marriage but I am not sure that book covers blended family issues. But it will be good to know that you tried everything and so if you do decide to leave you can do it without feeling guilty. Good luck..

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:06pm

I'm going to try to ignore much of the blended family issues we have or try to work them into the plan. At least though, when this is said and done I can say I tried everything and it just wasn't meant to be. I'm hoping too it will give me a change for the better so I attract a different kind of guy next time if this doesn't work out.

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 6:51pm

Its really not about your family structure or particular issues, its more about how you treat each other. But remember, Kirk Cameron was on day 43 before his wife ever came around!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 12:38pm

My guess is that it probably works only in the cases where both spouses are committed to putting the energy into treating the other better. If only one is doing it, that person would probably end up feeling like Serena: lots of work, not worth it in the long run.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:09pm

if I'm that concerned with how he responds. I'm mostly doing this for me so that I can live with myself if this doesn't work out. I'd like to think he'll appreciate the efforts though.
I'm hoping that I can use this as a tool to view him through an unfiltered lens...no clouding of my issues or his kids, but the fundamental human being he is. Maybe I can accept him, flaws and all, and better our relationship. We will see.

Michael's picture

Submitted by Michael (not verified) on Thu, 04/16/2009 - 2:09pm

I did the Love Dare. It's great. I highly recommend it.

Just like the move, though, it can't be just a 40-day thing. If I remember correctly, the lead character was on day 44 or something at one point.

Believe me, it will challenge you and will change both of you if you take it seriously.