So many women on here talk about going along with their bf/dh when they pickup/drop off their kids at the bm's house...or having to go along to whatevers that involve the bm.
I give everyone so much credit for doing that. I haven't gotten the nerve yet to insist that I come too.
I feel very conflicted. It's like, I know why we go with the men to whatever the bm has going on...we need to protect our investment in the relationship and to let the bm's know that we are not going to go away or let them get away with the crap they try to pull.
I want to trust my dh, but I know that the ew is a complete little skanky plotting, conniving troll. I trust her about as far as I can throw her...but I trust him. Ok, I do trust him, but you know...they have a 13 year history, two kids, etc. blah blah blah...I am nervous that maybe the past they shared is enough for him to do something stupid at some point if she keeps after him...I mean, obviously he fell for her crap at some point enough that he married her and had kids with her, so obviously he has some sort of twisted attraction to that type.
So, I would like to make my presence known everytime he sees her...at a drop off/pick up, at a skid event, school, whatever...I want to be all in her face so that everytime she sees him, all she can see is ME.
But I'm like, is this ok? Is this how we're supposed to be? I'm very territorial, I will readily admit that. And I'm trying to work on it. I'm trying not to be possessive or jealous or controlling...I'm trying to think and behave in a better way and work out my issues, you know? I'm trying to evolve into someone better...
So I'm finding it hard to figure out how much is too much. Am I trying to ingratiate myself into my dh's life too much because of my fears that bm will try to break us up? Or am I not doing enough???
At this point I haven't gone to drop offs/pickups, or alot of things where I would have to see her. It has been because my schedule doesn't allow it, and I'm trying to develop trust in my dh...the kind of trust I never had in my EXH. I'm learning to trust dh in ways that I would never ever have trusted my exh, but it's hard because I wonder if I should be more involved...make my presence more known to bm...like alot of you all do here.
In my case, I wonder though if that would be a good thing? I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong...since alot of you are all up in the bm's face all the time...I keep wondering if I should do that too.
The thing is, I don't have the inner strength to force myself on dh like that. I'd feel stupid saying to him, Oh if you're going to drop the skids off I'm going too. It's like I'm blatantly saying to him that I don't trust him. I could pretend like I wanted to go just because we're a team and do stuff together, including drop offs...but I feel really weird about forcing myself into the situation, you know?
I really get the struggles we're all going through and the inner turmoil trying to figure out what to do and how to handle everything. There are so many courageous and strong people here. I hope that I'm able to be strong too and do the right things...whatever that may be.