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Teenager all night in the living room?

lily11's picture

Would you be ok with a teenage boy setting up his play station and staying up all night in the living room playing games?

DH doesn't understand why I won't allow this. Our two story house is hotter upstairs than downstairs and DH claims that the TV and play station being on all night long is making it hot upstairs so that he can't sleep. So without asking me if it's ok, he moved the play station downstairs and told him to just play there all night instead.

Am I the only person who thinks this is ridiculous? Am I being unreasonable?

In the past, ss16 has consistently taken over the living room to the point that I would just give up and go to my own room and read. This year I refuse to do that. I'm standing my ground. I've made it clear that the living room is "community space" and that ss16 needs to be courteous and cannot consider this his personal space like he has in the past and just take it over. DH agreed that this is reasonable and until now, things were going fine. ss16 played games in his room and the living room has been a pretty peaceful place. We have even been able to all three watch TV together, with everybody taking turns what we watch for a change rather than ss16 dominating it - which is what used to happen and I have put a stop to that as well.

DH doesn't see how moving ss16's play station into the living room is a problem. He assures me ss16 will pick it all up when he's done. Really? His bathroom is a disaster and his bedroom is slowly getting there.

I already accept the fact that ss16 doesn't get up until noon, he stays in his pj's until we get home from work and DH makes him shower and get dressed. As long as ss16 respects boundaries and he's not taking over the whole house, I'm keeping quiet about how ridiculous I think it is that he can lay around all day and eat and then stay up all night playing games. He's overweight and very lazy. I'm keeping my opinions to myself on this... but the play station in the living room?!?!?!

I do not want to come home to ss16 in my living room blasting the TV, playing games, leaving his stuff all over the place. DH says I am being unreasonable to assume this would happen. Really?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Comments

Jsmom's picture

No - Your house, you have input. They can keep their gaming stuff in their room. Get him a damn fan and tell him to shut up....Our boys have to keep this in their room. So they saved up and bought themselves better tv's. Their is no way, they would be having this in my family room or living room....

smdh's picture

Hmmm, we only have one tv and refuse to put electronics in bedrooms, so in our house there really wouldn't be a choice. That said, IF we had these times of games (we don't) there would be serious rules on it. He would not be allowed to play during normal "family" hours since it is in community space. He would not allowed to be "up all night" playing because, quite frankly, teenagers need sleep and I think it is disrespectful for the entire house to have one party up all night doing things that are not quiet (reading, etc.) And third, and most important, I would expect that by the time I returned home from work EVERY.SINGLE.DAY the living room would be restored to the condition I expect to see it in.

Why the hell doesn't he have a J-O-B. That would be my answer to all of it. He doesn't need to be playing video games all damn day.

smdh's picture

Oh, and just for the record, since he DOES have a tv in his room and your dh is not concerned about him frying his brain, yes he should be keeping his shit in his room.

starfish's picture

tell ss16 to move the shit to his room one time. if he doesn't, box the shit up and put it in the attic/garage. or "accidentally" spill some coke in it or drop a 25lb brick on it, ya know something like that.

stepintexas's picture

At 16, there is no reason for the kid to be sitting home all day, he should have some part time job, if not that, then he should be spending the day at Boys and Girls Club.
I am a firm believer in getting teens out of the house and being productive during the summer. Just sitting home is liely to spell trouble for some, issues with drugs, friends coming over, too many things can go wrong.

Your DH is wrong- the kid should be in his room playing games and NOT all night.

lily11's picture

I tried to get DH to get ss16 a job. I even sent them to put in applications. They went and I'm pretty sure ss16 would have a part time job right now but DH felt that would interfere with time he wants to spend with his son. DH came up with all kinds of excuses so I gave up.

It's ridiculous in my opinion.

At this point, I just want to focus on maintaining my own boundaries and keeping my home livable. The past two summers were hell with DH and ss16 having no respect for the fact that this is my home as much as it is theirs.

I agree that the entire household should NOT be disrupted just so ss16 can comfortably play his games all night long. And it is all night long. He goes to bed at about 3-4am and doesn't get up until noon.

Seems pretty ridiculous that DH can't or won't get it. He tried to tell me I'm incapable of making decisions to solve problems and he was simply solving a problem of it being too hot upstairs for DH to sleep. That was his reason for not consulting with me before he moved the play station into the living room. My response: Respect my boundaries right now or tomorrow I'm leaving for the summer and I'll be back after your son goes home. The play station was promptly moved back into ss16's room.

stepintexas's picture

"My response: Respect my boundaries right now or tomorrow I'm leaving for the summer and I'll be back after your son goes home. The play station was promptly moved back into ss16's room."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Awesome! Good for you for keeping the boundary and following through!

Damn, I hate it when DH's push those boundaries, it is like you want to shake them and say "Do you think I am the least bit attracted to you when you act like an ass and disrespect my boundaries?"

And, wow on the job thing, your DH is doing harm to his son by not showing him how to be a responsible working citizen.

B22S22's picture

first of all, I can hardly believe that a TV and playstation on all night is what's making it "hot". I live in a 2-story house, it's just plain old physics that warm air rises, and typically 2-story homes are warmer upstairs than down.

That being said... if the TV and playstation are to blame, tell DH that it would be a LOT cooler if SS SHUT THE DAMN STUFF OFF by 8pm every night and did not keept it on all night heating up the space.

I agree SS should not get run of the public areas of the house. My kids are home for the summer (12 and 14). Every day they have CHORES they have to do, like emptying/filling the dishwasher, laundry, etc. Once they have those done, they are "free to roam" as I call it (they can watch TV, play on the computer, PS3, etc) until I find something else for them to do.

If he can't/won't/isn't allowed to get a job, then give him jobs at home. Sounds like he's home all day while you and your DH are working.

smdh's picture

I'm betting it is more SS came to dh complaining that he is too hot upstairs and wants to hang out downstairs at night and dh knew that that wouldn't fly so he tweaked the request to make it about his discomfort.

And WTF you don't know how to come up with a solution to a problem? SS16 playing video games all night is not a problem that needs to be solved with moving the playstation. How about "I thought of a solution and it is for your kid to go the fuck to bed instead of leaving the tv and playstation on all night".

stepintexas's picture

"And WTF you don't know how to come up with a solution to a problem? SS16 playing video games all night is not a problem that needs to be solved with moving the playstation. How about "I thought of a solution and it is for your kid to go the fuck to bed instead of leaving the tv and playstation on all night"."

LOL, that is exactly what I would have said, I'm pretty blunt!

tweetybird74's picture

We tried the having the playstation in our living room, so that we could monitor how long he was playing for. This turned into a nightmare for everyone. Want to watch TV became such a hassle. We eventually bought a small TV put it in our spare room, as he was not going to get it in his room so he could stay up all night and play games. This worked much better. But there is no way he would be allowed to stay up all night to play games. At 10pm if he is playing his games they are turned off no matter what. If he was found to be playing in the middle of the night (which he never has) we would have taken the system away from him. Kids need to sleep and not be playing video games 24/7.

msc1120's picture

That's why stbxh and I only had a Wii in our living room, SS13 would play 24/7 but the Wii was only for family game time.

lily11's picture

I am disgusted every day that I come home from work to ss16 in his pajamas complaining to me how hot and tired he is.
I have encouraged them to get him a job. I have encouraged them to be active and go work out. I have encouraged healthy food. DH just gives in to ss16's laziness and lack of follow through.

I am beyond furious with the "you are incapable of making a decision" comment and have made it extremely clear to DH he is never to make a statement like that to me, ever again.

So this will probably be a battle that will drag on a while. It makes me not want to go home at the end of the day. I don't want to go home today. I'm getting so tired and discouraged by the fighting over stupid stuff like this. Rather than recognize that I have a right to speak up and maintain boundaries, DH sees it as an attack and goes on a ridiculous defense... And meanwhile ss16 continues to lay around and do absolutely nothing... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

ThatGirl's picture

I do not allow game systems in the living and expect all lights and electronics off by 9pm on weeknights, or whenever we go to bed on the weekends.

That being said, SS14 is still camped out in our living all day! He has a comfortable room, big TV, xBox and Playstation in his room. But since we bought new furniture and a new LCD for the living room, he spends all of his time in there. I can't stand it!!! SO said he was going to tell him he has to be in his room if he wants to watch TV (unless it's something we're all watching together) and that he can't have food and drink in the living room, but it's yet to happen Sad

And I agree with the others so said a teenager should not be allowed to sit around all summer. He needs a job, summer school, day camp... anything to keep him from sitting idle in my house all day while we're at work!

paulparkhurst's picture

An old saying goes "Excess of anything is bad". So even if the play-station playing is not troubling You, still You should explain Your boy how much to play and to follow the timing rules.