When they start to take over
ss15 has been here for spring break and within 5 days I felt he had already taken over the house.
DH thinks I am letting him take over because I just leave the room when, for example, he takes my seat on the couch, takes over the remote control and even takes my dog who I usually sit with on the couch. Sounds silly, I know... But I get completely edged out.
DH feels put in the middle, like there's a power struggle between me and ss15. He wants me to stand my ground more with ss15. He thinks I am allowing ss15 to take over. I honestly don't feel there's much I can do. I am tired of fighting for my seat on the couch, for my chance to watch something on TV, for my dog. So I just leave and go find something relaxing to do like read a book in my bedroom.
DH and ss15 had already decided yesterday afternoon, while I was at work, that they would watch a specific show that evening. What exactly was I supposed to do? Kick ss15 out of my seat and announce that we were watching what I wanted instead???
I am so tired of this. I am not mad at DH, I believe his intentions are well meaning. But he doesn't seem to have a clue when his son is taking over. He doesn't see it at all. I can't stand the deliberate drama that ss15 creates so I just leave. I am tired of the rejection so I don't put myself out there emotionally anymore. After so much rejection and so much drama, a person just wants to get away from it.
So what would you have done? What do you do when ss15 takes over? He will be here again for 8 weeks this summer and I'm not looking forward to it.
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Comments
I LOVE THE WALKING
I LOVE THE WALKING DEAD!!!!
OMG! This weeks episode is going to be INSANE!!!!!!
Who do you think isn't going to make it to season 3???? }:)
OMG! i thought i was the only
OMG! i thought i was the only one suspecting that lori will be human but her baby will be born a zombie! too funny that someone else is thinking the same thing! i don't know how that would be explained, but i fully expect it to play out that way!
You do need to stand up for
You do need to stand up for yourself.
takes seat "move you're in my spot"
Takes remote "my turn" or "i was already watching something, give it here"
DH isn't going to see it because when its your kid that you let do whatever you want, it becomes normal.
Do not leave when he enters the room.
My ss15 used to do just that.
My ss15 used to do just that. If we were planning a movie while I was popping popcorn or using the bathroom he'd stretch out on the couch to include his spot as wella s mine. He'd stay there until I got back and then I'd say something like sit up or outta my spot and he'd move VERY slowly, I'd plop down and say something like thanks for keeping my spot warm! He slwoly grew out of this and now it's all about xbox and computer and friends anyhow and he's rarely ever home anymore. Sometimes I think the eow and summers with non custodial kids is the worst b/c they don't get to make friends and get outta the house.
This is a total flash back
This is a total flash back to when my stepson lived here.he used to do the same thing and if I did or said anything he'd sulk in his room making my husband feel bad and if I left the room my husband felt bad. Several huge fights occurred until my husband and I just lived our lives and welcomed Ss to be a part of things but no longer gave Ss control life was never perfect but your dh needs to put his kid in check
I thought about this and
I thought about this and considered everybody's feedback. And I realized that I really only want to be in the living room 2-3 nights a week, for maybe 1-2 hours, and the rest of the time I truly don't care what ss15 & DH do. There are other things I would usually rather be doing than watch TV. When ss15 is not here, DH and I don't usually watch TV half as much as when ss15 is here.
It sounds like some ground rules need to be laid and maybe ss15 needs to know this ahead of time next time he comes... that when I want to watch TV, I sit in my spot on the couch and the rest of the time he's welcome to sit wherever he wants. And we all take turns choosing what we watch so I should get my turn. With no complaining when I pick something they don't like. lol. I know that ss15 will push my buttons and I will have to enforce this with him but if it doesn't come from DH as well, it will just continue to be a never ending power struggle between ss15 and me. DH says he constantly feels he is being put in the middle. That has got to stop and I know I have got to do my part as well to change this.
Another thing I will suggest to DH is that we turn off the TV 1-2 nights a week and do something else. I would love the peace and quiet from the TV not being on and ss15 can find more constructive things to do. I don't know why DH gets into such a TV watching habit when ss15 is here because DH doesn't do that when ss15 is not here. LIke I said... ss15 takes over... This is going to stop. It's ridiculous. And the dogs do like ss15, lol. He's a good kid overall.
Thanks for your feedback. It really helps!
