I put the SDs on my plan to save DH money because he pays for it. However he's going to stop this soon because he's tired of paying child support and a hell of a lot of other things when the custody is 50/50. He can't be in the hole any longer. And he owes me several months of monthly premiums now (which he's good at paying back otherwise I wouldn't do it). If BM expected me to do it, I'd drop them as soon as I could with no hesitation.

So he's going to find out when BMs open enrollment is and transfer them then. There's no reason she can't provide in on her insurance. It's not defined in the CO so it's up to BM and DH to figure it out.

I hate the idea of my tax dollars being used to provide health insurance for kids with 2 able-bodied parents.

Your name should have never come up in that conversation. The kid's parents should have both looked at the options their employers provide then came up with a plan that they both could afford.

Neither one of them should be looking to provide their kid's insurance.

I'm sorry but there's no way I will add a skid to my plan..... not my responsibility... and if BM dares asking it I will laugh in her face.....

I have all 4 skids added to my plan. Per the decrees, DH is responsible for providing insurance. When DH got laid off, I added him and everyone to mine. Like described above, whether you add 2 kids or 4 or 50, it all costs the same. If BM2 added SSs to her plan, we would have had to pay her for the premiums, so it just made financial sense to add them to my plan.

It is a bit of a pain (remembering to get BMs ID cards, helping them look up doctors even though I've sent them the info a milion times etc) but I prefer it to the alternative. When they were on DH's plan, BM2 would take SSs to any doctor she chose any time and DH was very disorganized. BM2 would announce to DH what he owed and DH would pay. Once we were married and they were on my insurance, all that changed.

BM2 turned in a ridiculous homemade excel sheet of everything we owed her. Unluckily for her, I work in insurance. I demanded bills for every expense (as the decree says). I checked every doctor and, lo and behold, quite a few were not in-network! Our decree specifically states that both parents must use in-network physicians and if they don't, that parent is responsible for the full cost. BM2 took SSthen6 to a psychologist since he was being a bully and didn't bother to ask about insurance since she just assumed DH would pay. BTW - the co-pay for an in-network psychologist was $20. Instead, she took him to an out of network one for $200 an hour and was stuck with the bill for almost $2,000. She tried to sneak it to DH and I had him send her a photocopy of that paragraph of the decree and a copy of the doctor's insurance acceptance showing they were out of network and a sheet of about 10 psychologists within 5 miles of her house that were in-network. She accepted defeat and said "Ouch, that was an expensive lesson to learn"

I've trained her now, and anytime she wants to go somewhere new she checks with me first to make sure they are in-network.

Long story short, *IF* you decide to add them to your insurance, check your decree first. See what you are responsible for vs. BM. make sure you know where you stand in terms of premiums, deductibles, expenses. The nice thing about being the policy holder is you have access to everything, so BM can't try and BS you. If there is no specific wording, I would get an amendment to the decree before you agree to add them.

Make sure it includes the following:
-BM is responsible to reimburse you for 1/2 of premium (I wish we had this. DH is responsible for 100% of the premium)
-BM is responsible for 1/2 of all deductibles, bills, expenses, etc. to be paid within 30 days of the receipt of the bill. BM will be responsible for any late fees accrued due to non-payment
-Both parents must use in-network care, or the parent who takes the dependent to the out-of-network care will be responsible for 100% of the payment
-If your BM is high conflict, I would put in a wording about each parent being responsible for first aid and other minor care (like buying tylenol, band aids, etc) while the child is in their care, otherwise you may have BM turning in a bill for 50% of a $5 bottle of children's motrin.

With anyone who has the skids on insurance, are you concerned for your or your bios privacy when providing BM the policy information? For example could she call and pretend to be you and find out/change information?

You should have never put his kids on your policy, period. Now, you have an expectation established (that you are even footing the bill for).

As soon as possible, give ample notice and drop these kids, unless you want to support them for eternity.