SURPRISE- I'm "mean"
I'm alone with SD10 on Friday and Saturdays. I hate it, but it saves us money on day care and most day cares aren't open on Saturdays. Today she went out bike riding with a neighbor friend for an hour, came back and then wanted to go over to her house to run in sprinklers. I let her do these things because it gets her out of the house, which is a huge plus for me.
She come back in from running in the sprinklers, changes and is ready to go back over there again. I say "okay, but first you need to brush your hair." Obviously it was wet because she was just in sprinklers. Huff off to her room, comes back showing me a head full of knots (she doesn't brush her hair after she showers so her hair is always ratted). She huffs off again as I tell her to go back and actually brush it. It takes her two more times until it is actually brushed.
I tell her to be back in an hour and to turn the lights off in her room -DUH?! She runs to get her watch and I see the lights aren't off in her room. I tell her again she needs to turn the lights off- um, yeah you're not in your room so lights don't need to be on! (I didn't say that). She huffs over hard this time, liking I'm asking her the hardest most dreadful job on the face of the earth.
So I decide that because her attitude towards doing two very easy and quick tasks that she can't go out with her friend. To me, she is being allowed to go play and is not entitled to, especially if she's going to be a brat about housework. I want to teach her that she has to respectful of her elders, do the things they ask and you will get what you want most the time.
She got all pissed off and ran into her room saying "this is why I hate you, you are so mean!" and slammed the door. By this point in our relationship I do let her idea of me represent my value as a person. I am a good person, and very giving. And I do not believe asking her to turn her bedroom lights off and brush her wet hair are horrible stepmom things. Definitely not the worst things I've asked of her. I mean, according to her, homework is the worst thing I could ask her to do.
I am not going to be in this marriage and a part of this stepfamily only to walked all over and not enforce respect, because I do deserve it. If she had done the two things I asked she would be outside playing right now.
- lost in longmont's blog
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Comments
Well, then what exactly was
Well, then what exactly was this about? You obviously were here and experienced it as the step mom you are. Like I said at the end of my post, if she had just brushed her hair and turned off her bedroom lights without complaint or attitude, then she would have been able to go out and play. And considering that I have SD 3 out of 5 nights by myself while DH is at work, I'd say he would agree because she has a bad attitude, and you don't reward children for bad attitudes.
Well you are obviously doing
Well you are obviously doing something right. Being 'mean' is obviously the #1 criteria for step-parenthood... Well done!
Just keep doing what you're
Just keep doing what you're doing. If you are the authority figure and DH isn't around, she needs to follow your rules and respect your requests. I would have done the same thing. If she's going to give you a hard time about simple things, then she should be deprived of the priviledge to hang out with her friend. She is old enough to know that that kind of behavior to anyone, especially you (being authority figure AND stepmom), is disrespectful and was unwarranted. I applaud you for staying strong. I have the same feelings when my SD5 is disobedient as well and gives me nasty looks for not letting her have what she wants when she isn't behaving well enough to have it. After the incident, I always go talk to her or have her come to me so we can talk it over and put some logic behind my actions that way she can't really label me as "mean". Even at 5 she understands why I do the things I do. And she's smart enough to ask if she doesn't know. However, there are still times that I can feel the energy around her exuding dislike. Since I'm the primary disciplining authority, I guess that is to be expected. At least your DH would understand your decisions..... mine still sees me as the evil stepmom when I stick to my guns.