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Almost married, almost ready to run for the hills!

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 4:32pm

Hi I am not too new here, I have responded to many posts but I have not posted anything of my own. I feel really sad that I think the only way I will be able to be happily married to future DH is if I disengage with his daughter7 Sad After reading the first few chapters of Stepmonster and a few other books I think that this is the only formula that makes any sense for my situation. Future SD7 has a mother who is already using PA against future DH.

Background:
I am 34 and will marry future DH41 later this year. We have future SD 45% of the time. She is an anxious young girl, with no training in manners, thanks to future DH playing guilty daddy and being ball-less with BM before I came around.

BM#2 is unfortunately nuts and a total gold digger unfortunately future DH never had any gold, or even silver for that matter! She is too dumb/selfish/self-centered to have noticed. BM#2 and future DH were unhappily married for 3 years (while FDH was still drinking, which explained a lot) and seperated/going through the divorce process for 2 years = 5 years of Craziness total. During this time FDH's two older daughters (who are lovely and wonderful) had to stay with Craziness and FDH they finally told their dad to "stop drinking a look at who he chose to marry a total mean, lazy, selfish bit--!" So SD7 really cant help but be a mess. It is so sad.

Comments

mad stepmom's picture

Submitted by mad stepmom on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 5:33pm

I just want to say that I married because I believed that he was worth the crap that I would most likely go through raising his daughter. I have been married ONE year and I now know I should have thought about this in more depth. I love him so much but unfortunately he does not have a clue how to parent. He is terrible! We have had many fights over this already. I should have known due to the fact that he did not have his daughter with him for 6 yrs. and she just started living with him 2 years ago. I have already raised a daughter and know the ropes a lot better than he. He does not realize the manipulation, lies, tricks, etc. they do. Please think hard and long and then do it over and over. I TRUELY believed I would not regret my decision to marry him but now I am thinking I was a fool. I could go on and on. If she was not with us we would have a great marriage. We have a great time when she is not there. If only I can take this until she leaves home.

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 6:48pm

"We have a great time when she is not there. If only I can take this until she leaves home."
Thanks that is exactly what I am afraid of :O I will continue to think, and think, and read stepmonster Biggrin

mad stepmom's picture

Submitted by mad stepmom on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 12:42am

Lovepets, I hope I did not ruin your day but I have to tell the honest truth. My DH and I talked about raising SD together several times. I made him well aware that I did not want any problems with this in our marriage. He assured me that everything would be fine and said he needed my help in raising her. Now, he does not want my opinions or advice. It is true that after you marry everything changes. My survival plan is pray, pray, pray. I also have a lovely flower garden in which I am very happy there. And I have two weiner dogs that are precious and make me smile. Smile I pray that these 6 years will pass quickly and that in the end my marriage is still together. Then maybe I can have the marriage I thought I was going to have. What's funny is that while myself and everyone was praying that I would someday find a companion, we should have included in our prayers "a good man with no children living with him".