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SS's perception of me.

LRP75's picture

So on Sunday, I blew a gasket. Not in a swearing and throwing things kind of way. But i was really hurt by the way my H handled my stuff getting broken and the way that he doesn't respect me enough to make sure his kid respects me.

In that conversation, I said a lot of things. I really need my H to HEAR what I'm saying. I'm tired of it. I included SS in the conversation because it's time SOMEONE call him to matt for his crappy behavior. My main point was that I was tired of my H thinking that it was ok to treat me like I don't matter and that SS in turn treats me like I don't matter. I refuse to be treated like crap in my own home.

What was SS's response to everything I said?

He turned to his dad and asked, "Why do you let her push you around like this?"

Yup.

He's 10.5 years old.

What was H's response? "Well... she is right..." and he left it at that.

Ladies, I feel like our family is headed for a huge break-down. I feel that it is well beyond time that my H actually step up to be a father to his kid. I am worried that H is not going to be able to undo the damage that he has caused by allowing things to go on for as long as they have. H has done his child a HUGE, HUGE disservice by not parenting him. Now, the kid doesn't only treat me this way -- he treats EVERYONE like dirt, has no manners and has a ZERO level of personal responsibility.

Am I just being a negative nelly when I look into the future and I see that:

Even IF my H stands up to do the right thing now, SS is not going to be able to take his dad seriously and instead will just view all attempts at discipline and parenting as a direct result of ME pushing my H around? I will forever and always be pegged as, "the bitch who made my dad..." You know, and the kid isn't entirely wrong. The problem is that H has not portrayed to his kid the reasons WHY the changes needed to be made -- that everything is really in the best interest of the kid -- not just ME.

The kid HAS to learn how to be a man. And H needs to step up to the plate to teach him. Period.

I have a feeling that I have only seen the tip of the ice burg of SS's shit ass attitude and behavior and that all hell is going to break loose.

I told H that the next time he has SS, he needs to find somewhere else to spend that time with his kid, because it is unfair to expect me to be ok with being treated with flagrant disregard and disrespect in my own home.

We shall see.

SD comes on Friday for 4 days.

Yippie...

Not.

Comments

Mindygirl1's picture

If you think 10.5 is bad just wait til 15 comes around. 15-24 are the really fun years for a boy. To begin with you really should not create a battle with a 10 year old. I know it is hard to be disrespected and have your things broken. However, trying to prove you deserve respect by either the child or your husband for that matter is just plain useless. What you can do is REMOVE yourself - yes I said remove yourself from the situation. Don't waste your energy on this. You only end up sounding like a harpy (whining to basically no one - cuz no one really cares). When the child is over MAKE your husband spend almost all of the time with him. Go off by yourself, shop, eat out, meet girlfriends and such. I say this because ONCE your husband is stuck with his little darling on his own, he will then realize what a little darling he is not and then will start some disciplining. Hopefully he will. However, if he does not, oh well...you are not stuck there watching and getting frustrated. I speak from experience... Had a step son myself that was exactly as you described. Eventually got rid of both of them. Ran into the step son not to long ago and he told me how sorry he was for his behavior when he was younger. Turned out to be a nice young man. His father is still a backboneless wonder....

B22S22's picture

I am where you see yourself being in the future. And my SK's are teens.

I think you made the right decision by forcing your DH to visit with his son elsewhere.

And you're correct, SS will see YOU as the driving force behind his dad being "mean" or he'll see you as the one pushing your DH to enact rules and responsibility. And then you'll have to deal with your DH being scared that SS "won't come over again because I'm mean to him." I just hope, for your sake, that when the shit hits the fan your DH doesn't preface it by saying, "Well, LRP75 says......" My DH did that a couple of times and really set the stage.

WickedStepMom18's picture

OMG! If my SS said that to his father, they would be looking for a new place to live in two seconds flat! Why do these out of control children think it's OK to treat us this way? Wait - stupid question. I have noticed my SS give me "underhanded" disrespect - it isn't outright. It's passive - JUST LIKE HIS EFFING FATHER! The BM in my situation seems to be the lesser of THREE evils right now!!!!

cant win for losin's picture

dh's response...."well...she's right." and left it at that
:jawdrop:

The fact that DH did not have ANY follow up with ACTIONS, SS translated that statement as "well....your right". (meaning ss is right)

shame shame....Your relationship is going no where but down the shitter. This right here would have hit me like a ton of bricks. This would probably be my rock bottom.