Have spent the weekend speechless,
scratching my head in wonder (shock, amazement and not in a good way) and gobsmacked really.
SD is 12. She is a very large 12. As in obese. Ok so she wants to wear all the latest skimpy teen fashions, surely this is where a good mother would be advising, teaching, laying down some freakin laws perhaps about what is appropriate for a large 12 year old to wear. (don't get me wrong, I don't think the skinny 12 year olds should dress like sluts either but it's somehow worse on an obese one)
So, she wears skimpy short shorts, crop tops, see through tops, hanging off the shoulder tops, tiny babydoll dresses and ra ra skirts that barely cover hger bum and are a size or two too tight.
We're driving home from picking my dd's 10 & 7 up at the airport Saturday afternoon, sd12 has her ipad out and her and dd10 are in the back back (people mover) singing along karaoke style to music she has. A song comes on that my dd's are not allowed to hear let alone belt out "doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me, doncha wish your girlfriend was a slut like me" - I'm sure you've heard it LOL Ok, I am not a prude, but I do monitor my kids listening. So they start singing along and I said "no, that song isn't acceptable, please don't sing that one"
DD10 stops. SD12 carries on belting it out. OH says nothing. But this is not on for me, also in the car are ss9 and dd7 - so I said to him "not happy". He says "what?" And plays ignorant,
I said are you really happy with your 12 year old daughter singing that? He asked her to change the song, which she did.
Saturday night we are watching a comedy gala on TV, and some of them can get a bit risqué and use language. He starts getting all prudish about we should turn it over because his kids aren't allowed to hear that sort of language. I said they have a perfectly good family room with it's own TV etc upstairs, they can go up there if you don't want them to hear this. Which he did.
Sunday we take them to a skate park, full of teenaged boys f*ing and blinding, hmmmm, not a reaction, not a problem, not even noticed????
Sunday night we went out for a family dinner, sd12 - dressed in the skimpiest way too tight babydoll dress, and killer heels - I'm talking 5inch heels!!!!! WHO THE FUCK ALLOWS THEIR 12 YEAR OLD TO DRESS LIKE THAT AND SING SLUTTY SONGS - but she can't hear some rude words????
Seriously, what the heck is WITH that?
(I made her change the shoes BTW - well told him to. They were so wrong)
- luchay's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Wow, she's just 12. Heels?
Wow, she's just 12. Heels? Skimpy clothes? That's disgusting. I couldn't walk in front of my father dressed like that, nor would he allow me to. It would make us both uncomfortable. Why does your husband allow it? It's not good for her at all.
Though, "Don't Cha" doesn't have the word "slut" in it. It has "hot", "freak", "fun", "raw". Which, although it isn't appropriate for 10 year olds, can be heard everywhere. If not this particular song, then some similar or even worse song. You can't really monitor what they hear, but you can simply teach them not to sing those songs or say those words, because it's not appropriate. But they're going to be hearing them all the time. Just don't let it upset you. If you teach them not to repeat it, they can hear it all they want to.
Thanks for your reply. I
Thanks for your reply. I don't know why he allows it. He did (only once) make her change her clothes - they had come to pick up my girls and I after dancing and we were going somewhere, she was wearing a way too small ra ra skirt - you could see her underwear and bum when she walked - and a very revealing top. I was SO embarrassed to have my friends etc see that. I asked him quietly what he thought of what she was wearing and he looked properly - and then we went home and he told her to change. Oblivious I guess. Hasn't noticed that she is not a little girl anymore and can't get away with looking like that now.
Yes, "doncha" doesn't actually contain the word slut - but the meaning is clear in every lyric, I was making a point LOL I actually do believe I can limit their exposure to inappropriate music/tv/films etc. I did it with my older two (now 23 and 20) and I will continue. The ages they are at now are hugely important in terms of developing their self esteem, their beliefs and their attitudes. I do not want my daughters thinking they need to be slutty and that it's ok to screw around, steal other girls bf's by being overtly sexual etc. I will endeavour to bring them up to value their sexuality and their bodies. I do ban that music from my home and my car. If those songs come on the radio I turn it over/off. Not hard. My SD however has no such boundaries. She is also rather fond of Niki minaj (sp) - she used to play that song with motherfucker in it a lot. I told her that is not allowed in my home (the unedited version - not the one where they attempt to bleep it out) What is her mother thinking allowing her child to listen to this?
When my oldest was about 13 her best friend was heavily into rap music. Hard core rap music, and she used to come to our house and play it. I explained that it wasn't allowed in our house, that I didn't feel that the lyrics where very nice and we didn't need to be hearing that. That girl dropped out of HS, turned goth, has done drugs and partied a lot and has a few kids now (2 or 3 can't remember) So. I parent.
But. The point really was -
1. sd12 can listen to very suggestive and inappropriate music.
2. sd12 can dress like a baby prostitute
3. sd12 can hear teenage boys swearing and carrying on live and in person at the park
but
4. heaven forbid sd12 hear some comedians get a bit cheeky and use the "f" word.
LOL
Oh. My 2 dd's also do dancing. At the comps the year before last dd10 was dancing in the jazz 6-8 yo section (so we are talking children 6-8 years old) I always pick dance schools that believe in age appropriate routines, music and costumes. Anyway, the last routine of the section these group of little girls come out, the music is very similar in content to "doncha" and the costumes moves and make-up - OMG. They were wearing black singlets with mesh over the top, mock leather mini skirts, fishnet stockings and chains etc. You could have heard a pin drop in the theatre - it was SO wrong. At the end the adjudicator made specific mention to remind the teachers to make sure that their choices were always AGE APPROPRIATE.
What we all wondered was where were these childrens parents? What parent would allow their child to go on stage like that?
Time for daddy to wake the
Time for daddy to wake the hell up and put his foot down about what his kid wears. Maybe point out to him that MEN are going to look at her in a sexual way if she's parading around with her goods hanging out. THAT might wake him up. Nothing you can do about how BM lets her dress but your DH can sure as hell keep decent clothes at your house and make her change the second she gets there!
The clothes sound like a huge
The clothes sound like a huge bone of contention but the music, I think your being totally conservative and I get where your coming from but that is the music these days and it doesnt sound like DH necc agree's with you about that part.
no he doesn't have to agree,
So, while he may be ok with her listening to suggestive stuff and not care that she is not learning to value herself more - she can do that away from my kids.
The clothes - I do think he should step up but I have to respect that he is her parent not me. If it is TOO OTT I will quietly say something to him and he can do as he feels is right about it. He did make her change the shoes, and as mentioned in my more recent post he did make her change once when she was too revealing - but only when I point it out - I just don't think he has realised that she is NOT his baby girl anymore, and that as girls get older they can't really get away with that stuff.
She also doesn't appear to have been taught that when she is wearing a dress/skirt she needs to keep her legs together. She sits (even in public) with them spread wide. I HAVE pointed that out to him and said he needs to teach her how to sit like a lady - hard for him I know, but has to be done, and I can't do it. She also says things like "I need to do wee's" of "I need to do poo's" I would REALLY like him to tell her she ain't 3 anymore, and could she please just say "I need to go to the toilet". When my 7 yo said something similar in front of her I said straight up "you are too old now to say that, please just ask to use the toilet." Hoping it gets though to sd somehow!!
This sounds like such a
This sounds like such a difficult situation!! I cannot believe your OH isn't parenting in a way of bringing up his daughter to respect herself and her body. I'm all for encouraging kids to explore their individuality when it comes to clothing etc, but when it's at a point where a 12 year old is clearly dressed very inappropriately for her age, it's time your OH stepped in and said something! I also worry about rotten perverts who would gawp at young girls in skimpy clothes, I know it sounds so extreme, but I remember grown men staring and me and sexualising me as a 12/13 year old which has genuinely caused damage for my body image long-term. I know it's probably a tricky conversation to have, but I would keep bringing it all to your SO's attention until he realises something needs to change! I really hope this gets better for you soon, I can actually feel your stress through your writing :(