Pity party
This is probably going to ramble all over the place but I feel I need to put some of what is rattling around in my head out in written word so please forgive the length and perhaps unconnected thoughts that may come up in this.
My first thought every morning is simply “Dammit”, I woke up again. I wish every day that today was my last and that I slip away during my sleep that night but no, apparently God isn’t done with me but being a cheerful servant is becoming harder and harder. I’m not looking to commit suicide so no-one need worry about that, I’m just ready. I’ve had a very difficult life even before SKIDs (not that others here have not also) and I am just tired. I see no end in sight of life getting easier or better only difficult and decline in every area. I have no friends , basically everything I do is for others and a lot of others that don’t appreciate me at all, there is nothing that look forward to anymore with zest and excitement. If I do look for something to look forward to it generally dissolves away, finances or time or whatever excuse make it something I can’t do, so now I rarely even try. Letting slip the mortal coil would be a welcomed relief at this point.
I thoroughly exhausted physically , mentally and emotionally, as I write this I am disgusted by myself for not being able to do the things required of me to do better and at the same time I just don’t have enough care left in me to try and do better. I should probably be seeing a counselor but I have no time that I can from work or home ( I have had to use a lot of FMLA due to this exhaustion and it affecting my disability), plus the financial side would be a blow to us as well.
I feel guilt, anger, disappointment at both of my Skids and myself for the young adults they have become, I helped raise them so I am just as much to fault as their Bio Parents. Now I have been charged with raising my Gskids and that scares me that they will turn out like the Skids, the love I feel for them now will be replaced with same negative emotions I have for the Skids when they don’t turn out the way we want them to and they end up treating me the same as the Skids.
I feel like a burden to my wife when it comes to the Gskids, she got a ½ of sleep last night because the youngest wouldn’t sleep and she won’t let him just cry himself out for a few nights to get over this because she doesn’t want me to lose any sleep and then have to miss work, so now she is also exhausted and has no life either. I feel guilt for the negative feelings I have towards her on many different areas due to the burden she has to mainly bear with the Gskids and me being not as much the man they all deserve.
I could go into specifics about my DW but I’m sure that being a female heavy site I will be found to be a real jerk for some of my negative feelings towards her so I will just not share those.
Yes this is a pity party I most certainly recognize that, yes a counselor would help greatly, yes life is ever changing and this too shall pass, yes I could uproot and leave it all behind me, but can’t as I feel way to much responsibility to all involved.
I know a lot of this has been vague with little to no detail but I have no where else to put these thoughts.
Comment, criticize, berate or say nothing at all, just needed to put this somewhere besides my head.
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Comments
What you wrote is not vague
What you wrote is not vague for someone like me. It is not a pity party. I feel your pain.
Thank You.
Thank You.
Major, hon... You need a
Major, hon... You need a break. Is there any way you can get away for a weekend or a couple of weekdays??
We all have pity parties. We all look back with regrets and think "if only" and "what if I'd done Z instead of X". That's normal. Your load has been heavier than some. She is the one making the choice to get up and only get 1/2 a night of sleep instead of letting the child cry it out.
Major, is it possible for you and your DW to hire some help? Even if it's for a few hours a week. {{{HUGS}}}
As for your wife... You can suggest, but you cannot control.
We are just above getting by
We are just above getting by financially so hiring anyone is out of the question. Every once in a while DW's parents take the kids if we need to do a bunch of errands and they have watched them a couple of times for us to go out to eat.
Well, fudge.
Well, fudge.
I think you need to run an errand of sanity and take a couple of hours to walk around a nice park; maybe throw down a blanket and cloud watch for a bit.
The park, blanket and cloud
The park, blanket and cloud watching will work but I think adding fudge will cost to much and will be very messy in the humid Southern Summer
I totally get what you are
I totally get what you are saying, been there. Not dealing with adult Skids or Gskids but I understand the wake up and Damn...
Aniki has a great suggestion. Can you get away for a weekend? Do you have any family you can visit? What about a cabin you can rent on a national park or something that isn't terribly expensive. It is amazing what some sunlight and nature can do for your mood! Maybe a romantic get away? But if you need a break from your wife, a solo get away is great too!
I have no family that is near
I have no family that is near by, her family is her parents (elderly) and an older brother going through a very awful divorce so no one to take the kids for a weekend. As for a solo weekend, I could but she would be very passive aggressive about it, I can't even go to a movie alone without some backlash and guilt trip. Romance is about dead, both of us are exhausted, always have the kids, not that we don't want to we just can't seem to get there.
Vent away
Hence the title StepTALK. If you cannot afford a counselor, just ramble on. Many times I rambled and rambled, and its like a living diary that I look back on and say "wow, that happened?"
While most are looking forward to retirement, you have acquired a new set of children! I tell my SD12 every now and then - "when you move out and explore the world!" with anticipation in my voice. Saying "your sister is out living a good life and traveling and doing things!" To get her excited about an independant future. I could not imagine if SD decided to have kiddos that myself and DH would then be responsible for. Yikes! You are exhausted beyond exhausted in every way shape and form. All I can do is send prayers and good thoughts to you for some miracle to happen that brings joy back into your life.
Thanks CLove.
Thanks CLove.
My brother turns 65 next
My brother turns 65 next month. He is raising his 3 step grandkids, ages 8, 13, 16. He also watches his other 3 step grandkids every day, ages 4, 5, 12.
I see the tiredness in his eyes. He is starting to have health problems, bc he is stressed out every day with nothing to look forward to except watching kids. Now our 86yo Mother is having a major health issue that she is dying from.
The Mom is out chasing dick and drugs. The bio grandma doesn't work, lives in a house my bro paid for (they are divorced) but she doesn't help much at all with HER grandkids.
My brother was stong, pipefitter/welder with his own business he had to shut down to raise the sgkids. He loved to camp and fish and ride his motorcycle, he now barely has time to scratch his ass.
It truly breaks my heart to hear of another couple that should be enjoying life, having to do the child rearing again.
1. Is there anywhere else you could go to sleep for a few nites so she can get the baby trained to sleep thru the nite, even a different area of the house?
2. Have you check any agencies that would give you assistance? Food, day care would be a big help. I don't know your income or the circumstances of why you are raising the Gkids, so that may not be an option, but why not try it.
I'm turning 50 this year and
I'm turning 50 this year and only have the two Gskids so i can only imagine how tired your bro is.
I could go stay at my inlaws for a couple of nights I suppose if it came down to that, hoping DW will just give in and allow him to get it out of his system soon, he doesn't do it every night so at least he gives us an occaissional break.
Day care is being covered at this time, hopefully that continues for a while, food is not an issue, everyone gets fed. We just can't really do anything that is way outside the norm, we make it every month with a little carry over to the next month, not alot but just enough to not feel like we are drowning. In a few months will be receiving CS for both of the kids after we get through some court proceedings.
As for why we are raising the Gskids, alot of my former posts will explain it but in a nut shell their mother is a druggie who can't keep her legs together, or stay out of jail and is drawn to women beating aholes.
We are here for you. Hang in
We are here for you. Hang in there
Thanks Areyou, it's just what
Thanks Areyou, it's just what I need.
There are a lot of articles
There are a lot of articles out there about the stress of raising grandchildren. You definitely are not alone. I feel for you and hope you hang in there. Families are tough under the best circumstances. What you write is true -- things change, but when you're in the thick of it, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
GParents raising Gkids is one
GParents raising Gkids is one of the newest and fastest growing family units, recently the government has been approached on help for all of us as at this point there is none really.
Hanging in is the best I can do, but I am working on surpassing just hanging in there.