Yeah, my husband told me that once too... it hurt real bad, and I feel your pain.

Again this weekend he said something similar... about how I am not ecstatic at the skids soccer games and whatnot. WTFever is what I pretend to feel but it actually really does hurt.

OMG! I would have gone nuts! I am NEVER and I repeat NEVER compared to BM in any way, good, bad or otherwise.

I am my own person and will not be compared to anybody. If he want's to give me a compliment it will be for me, if he wants to criticize me, then it's because I need it or the family needs it not some ridiculous BM/SM competition.

Besides I don't want to know if he's thinking about her at all.

This is my first marriage and his second, maybe that's why I'm so crazy about this but I will not tolerate hearing anything about her in comparison to me.

I would have walked away.

I suggest counseling he doesn't get your situation at all and then he does that?

My xh said this to me too. It is a very hurtful thing to say. You really need to sit down with him and let him know that his expectations for you regarding his child are too high. No matter how much he wishes it to be so, you will never feel the same for your ss as you do for your own child. The best you can do is treat him the same as your own in fairness, but unless your husband supports you in that endeavor, even that will be impossible.

If he wants you to mother his child you need to be able to teach, discipline and reward the boy the same as you do your own. That takes his cooperation

sd19 has always been an asshole to me. she has treated me horrible and said some pretty unforgivable things to me, yet she has had the nerve to lecture me about how she needs a dad AND a mom. meaning i'm supposed to play mom to her. smh. impossible. if i try to be a mom figure to her, i need to back off because i'm not her parent. if i back off, i'm being cold. i love how we can't win with these people. i'm supposed to be all maternal and warm to someone who accuses me of stealing her dad (like he's property) and changing him into someone she doesn't even know anymore. i'm supposed to warm and fuzzy to someone who rejoiced at my miscarriage. i'm supposed to be supportive to someone who won't listen to me and is disrespectful.

what she really wants is all the benefits of having me as a mom (buying her things, taking her places, etc) but none of the hard stuff, like having to actually listen to me and be respectful. doesn't work that way. she has a mom. i think it's bullshit to demand something like that out of me.

Oh you're singing my song! Isn't it amazing how so many of our experiences are similar? Amazing and frightening, actually. Your DH was wrong to compare you and criticize you and he owes you an apology... Demand it. I too am in the process of disengaging because I feel like there's no way I can win... Attempts at co-parenting are often trumped with the "I'm their father" card. Uncool and unfair. Ya can't have your cake and eat it too big boy. To DH I say, accept the sex & financial support WITH the co-parenting. To SKs I say, accept the emotional and financial support WITH the house rules. Problem is... Neither of them is listening.

There is absolutely no way in hell that my DH would be in one piece if he DARED to ever compare me to that wildebeast, PB!

That would be the epitome of hurtful words and something that he would never be able to apologize enough for.