Once again, it's up to me
When SD7 got home last night from being with her BM all weekend, DH said he could just feel the tension. Apparently since I yelled at SD on Wednesday for not listening to me and ignoring me, she was scared to even be in the same room as me. I have no idea why. It wasn't the first time I'd disciplined her. When DH gets mad at her, she's over it in 2 seconds.
Anyway, after putting SD to bed DH says he talked to her some more. Apparently she said she loves me and wants to do things with me, but doesn't want to bug me because I'm usually busy with my 5-month-old daughter. That is true, but the maybe two times a month SD asks me to do anything with her, I try to do it if I'm not in the middle of taking care of something else. I told DH I always answer honestly whether it's yes, after I'm done this, or just not right now.
Why this has anything to do with SD not listening to me on Wednesday I have no idea. After DH told me all this, I asked what does he want me to do with that information. I told him I try to relax and be myself and act like I would with anyone else, and that's not good enough. Am I supposed to act like everything is perfect all the time? Even if SD does something she shouldn't, should I let it go? I've tried that before and it doesn't make any difference in how she acts with me. So I just don't get what I'm supposed to do. Should I be an actress 24/7 because that's what SD and DH want? I don't think I'm a jerk otherwise, but it seems that being myself is no good.
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I can totally relate to how
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. When Skids are here the whole house is tense. I feel like I am walking on egg shells because anything I say is scrutinized by DH and SD or taken the wrong way. I get tired of it so its makes me anxious, irritable and tense...but what I get really sick of is being blamed for the tension when if they didn't act or react the way they do to me I would not be nice. I can't be myself, infact after almost 11 years my SKIDS have just no idea who I am. To them I am just this woman keeping them from trying to reunite mom and dad, I am this woman who had two more kids with thier dad and now me and my kids are in the way of their perfectly twisted little family, I am the woman keeping them from getting everything they want when they want it. And after 10 years of keeping my guard up DH doesn't even really know the real me, he just sees me as someone who does not like to be around his kids. He thinks it is just because they are not mine that I feel this way, but if my own kids acted like this I would do something about it and I would not want to be around them when they act that way either. If my kids end up like my SKIDS then I feel I would have failed as a mother and I can't get why everyone else tolerates my SKIDS being the way they are. Its hard when my SKIDS act like snots all the time too.
My SD and SS have always been the type of kid to not understand when you are busy and need to take care of other things before playing a game with them. Of course if DH would lay off the barking at me over the housekeeping I would be more willing to say OK I will drop this task and play a game with you, but I get bitched at either way. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I too am expected to be pleasant and pretend everything is OK all the time. I guess we are all to look the other way when my SD15 or SS15 -the wonder twins as I like to call them, are doing something inapprorpiate, disresepctful, stupid, etc...Which is so hard when you have spent years helping kids improve their behaviors and attitudes, and when I want my kids to grow up with morals, mannars and have some self discipline which is not obtained without structure. I am just supposed to let the SKIDS get away with everything I teach my own kids not to do, that is difficult to swallow.