I will have my life back this weekend!
SD went to see the apartment yesterday and will be signing the lease on Friday! Her rent isn't too bad and she will be responsible for gas & electric (which means she will have to learn to put on a sweater instead of turning on an electric heater). She will also be applying for food stamps (I know...why didn't she get them when she lived with us to help? I have no freakin' idea.)
DH told her that she will also need to find a babysitter for her son because he and I do not plan to give up every bit of our free time to babysit for her, especially on weekends. She didn't look very happy about that, but he told her that we have precious little free time together as it is and we are not willing to give it all up for her convenience.
So, everyone here, take heart! I thought that this nightmare would go on forever, and I was just given my reprieve. Even my DH, who is running heavily on the "I wasn't there for her before so I really need to make it up to her" guilt trip, has finally come around to see that he can't keep doing and doing for an ungrateful wretch. I also told DH that if something happens - she screws up and HUD throws her out, for example - she is NOT moving back in with us and he agreed with me.
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I think you are on the right
I think you are on the right path here. There was an episode of Dr. Phil last week addressing the same issue. I think you are doing a good thing for your SD...she may not realize it but it will force her to become a better person and parent. We disabled my brother until he was over 30 and once we all said NO MORE his life changed. Soon to be married to a wonderful woman, nice place, has had a job for 4 years, has plans to have kids.....if only we had done it earlier in his life.
Good luck
I think we are too, tyra
in fact, according to her HUD agreement, she must follow a lot of rules to keep the place. They will do inspections and she can't have dishes piled in the sink or dirty clothes on the floor, etc so they are going to make sure that she is a responsible adult. We tried here, but it still hasn't sunken in. Maybe if she gets threatened with eviction she will learn to clean up after herself.