mediation and lying
DH and I are interested in mediation possibly with bm and his parents. we have trouble with them going to each other and doing things re: skids without even informing him.
bm claims that she wants to mediate with dh and his parents. We have tried to get his parents to attend some form of counseling with us and they have refused. Now i'm thinking if they are willing to go with her and dh, why not?
The biggest problem to this is that bm and mil are liars with a capital "l". They both enjoy manipulations and scheming. Has anyone successfully been through counseling or mediation w/ people like this? Can it even be effective if they say one thing in front of the mediator/counselor and then go back on it or deny later?
Just wondering again if it is worth bothering with.
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mediation for what?
we just went thru mediation for custody and the mediator saw rite thru alot of the bs BM was trying to pull. she also though put on her "nice face" and acted agreeable and whatnot when we all know shes not. is it mediation for a custody matter or were u thinking more liek therapy?
i had on mind more like
i had on mind more like therapy but with less counseling and more refereeing. i don't even know if that exists, but bm suggested it. part of her job description is negotiating contracts, so for her to suggest this makes me think she knows what she is doing. meaning, she doesn't like how things are going and neither do we. she suggested mediating with the in-laws. i think they would listen to her if she asked them to come, where they have refused to come when dh has suggested it.
is that making any sense at all?
why are the in laws involved?
i dont know if the state offers what u are refeering to but def check into it. y'all dont like how things are going as far as what? communication and foloowing the plan im assuming? sorry to ask so many ?s...just trying to get more of an idea of what exactly u need.
since the divorce the inlaws
since the divorce the inlaws are getting between bm and dh when they make arrangements for kids. they never liked bm (or she them) but since the divorce they chat with her, go to her house for mother's day, send the kids' gifts there and don't speak to dh. they and bm make plans for kids, even when dh asks to see kids or babysit etc, bm says no and gives the time to his parents instead. they can't figure out why he doesn't want to talk to him.
now bm complains to dh that she doesnt like talking to his parents (even though she keeps doing it) but she wants the kids to have a relationship with them. well, dh does too, but he has tried to assert boundaries by cutting back on how much of his parenting time he gives to his parents. they can't accept anything less than overnights (i.e fri night to sat evening)so they go to bm and say that dh refuses them time.
it's a big mess, and it is interfering w/ both dh and bm AND dh and his parents. she wants dh, his parents and her to sit down and talk to a mediator. i'm pretty sure it isn't allowed by the free court appointed mediators, but a paid mediator might do it. or a family counselor.
Ugh.
This is the kind of craziness that some states in this country created when they enacted laws giving rights to grandparents. I'm sorry, but having grandchildren is not a right. It's a privilege. And it is a privilege extended to you by your son or your daughter, who created those children in the first place. Grandparents' rights should come into play only when either one or both of the parents is dead or incapacitated.
Silversomething, if your BM were really interested in letting DH handle his parents, then she'd cut off all communication with them and tell them politely that they'll need to take it up with their son from now on. If DH were serious about enforcing his visitation schedule, then he's drag BM's ass to court every single time she denies him the time he's supposed to get and, further, he'd modify to make sure that he gets the right of first refusual when BM is not going to be with the kids. If the grandparents were serious, then they, too, could take the issue to court and if your state is one of the stupid one's that honors grandparents' rights, then they can get their own little court order for visitation.
I don't think mediation, counseling or anything short of the atom bomb is going to stop this because BM and the grandparents seem to be getting some kind of pay-off from continuing the drama.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
yeah - the big problem is
yeah - the big problem is that the parenting plan excludes grandparents and sleepovers with friends when dealing with first right of refusal. dh agreed with it as his understanding was that they each could go to their own parents if they wanted, but she goes to her parents AND his parents AND sets up sleepovers rather than offer him first right when she is giving up her parenting time.
She does not refuse him his court ordered time. He was tres stupid for signing the document against my advice because "you are not a lawyer". His lawyer is an imbecile and didn't seem to think it was a big deal to leave that language in. I ended up being right and he now admits that, but is stuck with the wording.
Georgia - you're right - I think bm gets something out of knowing she is causing problems between dh and his parents. she gets the benefit of a free babysitter any time, and never has to do any of the driving to boot.
BUT she is the one that suggested they all meet, so I am inclined to think that they are starting to bug her.
i think then u could try mediation
maybe youre rite, the paid kind...it seems to be a visitation dispute so i think they prob could help...i would say that if your DHs parents want to see the kids,they should go thru u not her. and by no means should she give them to them and not their own father where spending time is granted to him by a court. amediator should be able to help w this, and if so, he or she will be good at playing referee and making sure everyone gets whats entitled to them