"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

I would love to say differently. But you all know my situation. I'll count myself amazed if we make a year. If H doesn't at least attempt to do something about himself, we won't make it that long. Sad to say. Reality sucks.

i really believe we will make it...if i didnt i wouldnt have married him after all we've been thru. HE is the difference...HE puts our marriage first and has made major strides in handling BM, thanks to some not-so gentle nudging from me our life has improved DRAMATICALLY since he incorporated the changes i requested where BM and SD are concerned. and he is so excited to finally have a life and a marriage that he always dreamed of and cant wait until we have a child of our own. these situations are all extremely difficult, and i really feel its the DH that makes all the difference. it can be manageable if they manage it and if they dont, well then u see the sad hopeless sitautions that many of these lovely women on here have to contend w. not saying my DH or marriage is perfect, but at the end of the day i know where i stand and theres no doubt in my mind that we will last forever.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

and the reason is because of the step issues, but I know that as long as FH works with me about kid issues then we will make it.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I think what we definitely have "on our side" in a
second marriage is that we, as women, KNOW OURSELVES
much better than we did the first time. We want to
work and cooperate BUT we are not going to sell our
soul and get nothing in return (especially if the
first marriage ended badly).

I think we COPE with things better second time and
we have the CONFIDENCE to do what is best for us,
whether us be the COUPLE or OURSELVES. Case in point, I tried sticking around for holidays with
my H because it mattered to him. Result was always
us ending up in a wicked fight because his OWN
family brought so much discord and drama into our
lives. I knew that if I had to play "holiday" with
those freaks and all their drama, I would HAVE to
leave the marriage.

NOW I know better. I'll just go do MY THING, let him
handle the dysfunction alone. I KNOW he "changes"
when he's around these people, he can't be "himself"
because it's like he's always waiting for the other
shoe to fall. I KNOW I am his "stability", and I know HE WOULD FIGHT to do anything to save this
marriage. Besides, it's really only THREE DAYS a
year (Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, Easter Sunday)
when I REALLY have to deal with them. So, if I HAVE to see them for a "few hours", I'll make sure I have
some brewskis ready for ME. If the hysteria starts on their part, I won't try to "help", I'll MIND MY
OWN business and let H handle it.

On another note, IF THIS marriage were to go "sour",
I know I would SURVIVE if it ended. There would be
no custody issues, minor financial issues (divide
assets of house, etc.), and we'd each keep our
respective "families" (Wow, that would be a PLUS
not dealing with his wacko bunch anymore!)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

I haven't been with DH for a super long time and I often wonder how long long will be. Honestly I don't know. Its like in some ways he's super amazing and is everything I want...He treats me fairly and loves me and I always feel safe...but then he'll go and do something so incredibly stupid, irritating and just WRONG (like allowing bm in our house after I said specifically never again). Sometimes when he does something really wrong like that I wonder how many of those I'll take before I say enough. In all honesty, cuz we all share here, I haven't yet gotten over last month when he allowed her in yet again(the final time) and I left. Everytime I think about bm all I can think is that 1)he allowed/invited her into MY home when I said never, ever again 2)she attacked me verbally for asking her to please leave and not come back inside again 3)he didn't defend me at all (until he threw her out). Even now, I'm so angry I haven't been able to be around her...she drops off or picks up outside in the driveway and god help her if i see her at school cuz I don't know that I won't go punch her lights out. I'm trying so hard to be an adult but I think what happened was just as hurtful and horrible as if he had cheated on me, cuz it pretty much feels the same.
I'm trying to get over it, but I'm saying that if something like this happens again, I doubt I'd get over it at all and that would be the end for me. So, I'm hoping we last forever but that'll depend on how DH is...if he can treat me right.

has become my DH & I's mantra......and we already have in alot of ways. I do feel very positive that we will make it, as our connection speaks louder than words. I like to look at it this way, when I was leaving my Ex, and our marriage was ending, I had a "visual" of what I wanted, if I was ever to be with another guy, I know this sounds really crazy, but I could almost picture him, much to my surprise, "he", found me!! But of course as with all wishes/fantasys, their is a price, BM and skids were just that. I got just what I wanted, and more than I bargained for at the same time. When my DH says to me that he does not even remember much of his life before me anymore, because he feels that I should have always been in it, or that he can now be the husband/ father he always wanted to be, makes me feel very positive that things will be different this time, and we will have a very positive future, together.....there really was never anything els. Great post topic Melis."~waiting on the world to change~"

Our relationship is incredibly strong, despite all the stress of SD. We still talk rather than argue 99.9 percent of the time.

This is going to sound outrageous, but we had what I would call our first real argument, EVER in almost 5 years together, just a week or so ago. And though it was more heated emotionally (because I wasn't sitting on mine like I usually do, trying to be productive rather than just vent. I needed to VENT!) but even when not editing, it was not the yelling screaming matches of DH and BM or the sarcastic contemptuous debates of my ex and me.

We simply stated, what we were mad about. I told what I was mad at him about. He was angry that I could even complain after everything he tries to do for me. I told him that it wasn't personal, it was me feeling like a hamster on a wheel, just doing everyone's laundry that no one puts away (including him) picking up everyone's crap that they leave out for me (including him)- no one can put a dish in the dishwasher, would think to take more than what they want to wear right then out of the dryer, empty and overflowing trash can without me asking/telling/demanding/reminding.

Then I said, "BUT what I resent truly is the fact that occasionally, when it's all too much like this, that I am not supposed to EVER have a moment of venting. That when you were married to BM, you bent over backward to try to avoid her negative explosions, but if I vent I am treated like I am the biggest BIT@H to you every single day!"

Then he sauntered off to an opposite corner to mull it over for a little while. Then we both apologized though we were both still irritated, and FINALLY the next day, talked from a completely mutually compassionate and understanding place. It was then that I told him that I need to know I can voice my feelings without him reacting that way. That he's perfectly fine if I'm complaining about the kids, but offended if I lump him into that category, even if it is bothering me more because he's a grown up and should pick up his STUFF!

It's important because...

I have never had a man in my life, not BF, H, even father or brother...that would listen to my feelings without dismissing them as stupid, bitching, PMS, etc. So if DH wants me to remain open and connected in our marriage, he needs to hear the occasional bad and ugly, not just the good or what comes easily.

I disconnected from my exH for that very reason.

So...DH says, "Oh. Ok. Then I will try harder to listen rather than take offense. Please let me know what I need to do, to help."

And he has been making the bed if he's the last one in it.
Putting his dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink
Grabbing TP when it's low for our bathroom
hanging up his coat IN the closest instead of leaving it on the back of a chair.

It may not last forever. He may need reminded. But he gets it. He gets me.

I have NEVER had that with a man in my life. And I will fight tooth and nail to the death to keep it.

I cherish him and his love for me.

NOW...I do sometimes wonder if we can live in the same house while SD is still a minor. He hates that I feel that way, but has come to understand it. If she ever does anything physical or dangerous (or both) that could hurt me, my sons, or BD, DH will take her to an apartment until she is old enough to be on her own.

Then normalcy could finally settle in. Whatever that is!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I can't believe how much all of you sound like me, I am soooo glad to know I am not alone. Why are BMs such crazy people? Why must they try to hold on to something that is not theirs. I don't want to take her kid, I fell in love with a man who has a kid. I would rather spend time with him and him alone, it is hard coming into a relationship never having a kid to having a 2, now almost 5 year old who I do love but would prefer no kids, so I can just have my husband and not the bull from BM. My husband and her went to mediation today which is a waste of time, she will never agree to anything but full custody for her, she hates me for no reason and ruins her sons life because of it. She thinks she has no way of losing in court eventhough she has been arrested, moved her house 6 times and his daycare 9 times, eventhough they have split custody and split placement he still pays 600 a month. She makes me soooo crazy she has no idea, she thinks I am sooo calm about all of this, which is good that is what I want her to think. The only BM I know that is not crazy is my sister who has 2 kids and she is sooo nice to the ex husbands wife,she invited her to a make-up party and her new husband works for her ex in the winter. CRAZY but it works for them, my sister truely wants her kids to be loved and treated fairly and that is all she asks for. I on the other hand have the ex BM from HELL, I just want to knock her out, she thinks she is so great because she is a personnel clerk in a school she wanted to be a teacher, which I am but she thinks she is close enough, I hate to tell her there a huge difference between teacher and personnel clerk. I don't know what is wrong with my I used to be soooo happy but now I am so stressed about her and this court case. I just want to be happy again.

since we met 6 years ago. MY ex husband commited suicide(5 years ago tomorrow). so we strugle with my boys (almost 16 and 19,and I have a 10 y/o girl) both have issues with school,courts, drug use,alchol use, my oldest got a girl pregnant when he was 17.(my grandson just turned a year on monday)my 15 y/o is on the verge of being kicked out of high school,the 18 y/o hasn't finished school yet. my daughter was pertty young when that happened so she's doing really well right now? I haven't told her the truth yet eather. HIS ex took us back to court 2 months after our wedding,so we have spent thousands on lawyers while she walks away with EVERYTHING (SURPRISE)his son lives out of state, so we only see him a few times a year.with CS and half his transportation bills when he does come home we don't have much extra so go visit him. DH started his own business,(wasn't aware of how much of a commitment that was on a relationship, long days, weekends,struggling to make a success out of that,the boss works harder and longer then the others)I work over nights,to try and make ends meet with the expences( while his EX doesn't work at all) (BITCH) I feel like if we got threw these "test" already,and we've only been married 2 years I think we can keep going. NOT THAT ALL OF THEM HAVE BEEN FUN OR EASY. I'm a glass half empty person he's the glass half full person,he always make me laugh, we always say were sorry,we know when we NEED to make time for eachother.