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In Tears

Mercury's picture

Today is the Christmas celebration at my house. It will be DH, me, FIL, MIL, and 2 skids. I love entertaining and hardly ever get to do it so I was actually excited. This is the first year we are spending the holidays as a married couple so I was kind of proud to be hosting a dinner. I prepared all last week for this and right now I'm prepping the meal.

Somewhere in the middle of mashing the sweet potatoes, I just started crying and couldn't stop. This is NOT my family and they never will be. The in-laws still keep the bitch ex close at hand, she is their DIL after all. The kids and I don't hate each other, it's pretty tolerable most of the time, but there isn't an ounce of love there at all.

I wish DH and I had never decided to do this dinner. I'm mourning the fact that these people will always be in our lives and I will never love them as I would a real family. I wish I would have just taken off this week and traveled the 8 hours to be with my parents and sisters.

Comments

Notmine's picture

Hugs for you. I completely understand what you are going through. Next year make the trip and see your family, maybe not on Christmas but before or after. It will make you feel better if you can look forward to spending time with them too.

Mercury's picture

Thank you. I'm going to be fine of course. Those emotions just started pouring out. At least it happened while I was by myself rather than when everyone was here. Smile

Does anyone remember the film Like Water For Chocolate? I keep thinking about what happened when the wedding guests ate the cake that the protagonist cried her sorrow into while baking it. Ha! }:)

Justme54's picture

I hear you. I have not been with my family for Chirstmas...guessing...almost 20 years due to my job. Now, I have been with DH for 4 Christmas ans is all about his family. I am a housewife but the way DH works out of state...it still has not worked out for me to go home. DH is such a baby...thought I should travel 8 hrs to sit with him on a rig...WTF! I told him,if I go anywhere...I should go home to see my mother who is almost 83 years old. Next years is going be different...if I go alone or we go...I am going to visit my family.

farting_glitter's picture

(((hugs))) Mercury...and believe me, you are not alone....i also feel zero love for my so-called inlaws...i am not even acknowledged....these people will NEVER be my family...ever...and i hate that i even married into this pool of hypocrites.... Sad

Mercury's picture

Update: Of course I survived. There was wine.

Seriously though, it wasn't terrible. I just have a lot of pent up resentments and sadness and sometimes it doesn't take much at all for the floodgates to be released.

Oh yeah, and the Like Water For Chocolate bit? That came eerily close to actually happening. The MIL said that the sweet potato casserole was the best she's had in a long time. She looked at DH and said it was almost exactly the same as the one her mother (deceased) used to make. The two of them got a little choked up. She said "you nailed it, Mercury." It was just some recipe I found online :O

Mourning the loss of the family that used to be / mourning for the family that never was.

Hmmmm.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

So you and your MIL have a something in common: the tears brought on by losses, past or potential. Food is a powerful trigger... and unifier. Bitter-sweet potatoes... how memorrable.

thank you for sharing this episode, Mercury!