You are here

My last blog got a little crazy

Midwest Stepmom's picture

Submitted by Midwest Stepmom on Wed, 06/04/2014 - 5:48pm

My last blog got a little crazy and I feel if I post there my words would be lost in all the chaos.

I'm not saying all men suck at helping thier wives out with the babies/house work. I'm just saying my husband sucks.

He expects me to ask for his help. I shouldn't have to, if the baby needs to be fed or changed just do it. Women should not be expected to be the sole care giver. Part of the debate from my other blog was men do not have the instincts to know. I don't have have the instincts either, I am learning as I go. This is my first baby and dh second, so really he should be better at this. Yes, he goes to work, but he gets a chance to talk to normal people and feel intelligent. I'm sitting at home talking to someone that can't talk back and having day old spit up on me. I love me baby, his needs and wants are my priority in life now. However, I am a new mother, with a colicky baby, battleing pp depression.

I hope things change soon. I go back to work in 6 weeks and I work just as many hours as dh.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 06/04/2014 - 6:25pm

I am sorry you are going through this and you are right, there is no excuse for your husband not helping without being asked.

I know it seems to be accepted that men don't have those instincts but that is not always the case. And not all women have those instincts, either. Like you stated, you learn as you go and there's no reason he shouldn't as well.

My husband is a very nurturing man. He will change diapers, wash bottles, fix food for kids, rock them, entertain them, whatever. He is great with kids. Unfortunately, he had them with the wrong women and I've never wanted any (he didn't want any more, either). We have helped take care of our niece since she was born and although he is great with her, he was much less interested until she was old enough for him to do things with. I was much more the nurturer the first year.

I do know that a colicky baby is difficult and I really feel for you, there, and I've never experienced pp depression but I was diagnosed as clinically/chemically depressed when I was a teenager and am VERY experienced with depression.

I didn't read your other post but have you talked to your DH about any of this and what you are feeling? I guess if you need to ask for help to get it, do it; it's better than nothing and maybe eventually, you won't have to ask.

Is there a pp depression support group or a mommy group or something in your area?

It will get better and everyday is a new day. (((hugs)))

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Thu, 06/05/2014 - 12:21am

IMHO, you have a choice. You can bitch and moan about not getting help, about having to 'ask' for help, and you're justified in your frustration. Or you can do something different. I suggest changing the game.

Choose some activities DH can just be responsible for. I don't know your situation, but if you're breastfeeding and not pumping, obviously he can't do feedings. But if he can, then he gives the feeding at 11pm/before he goes to bed. And you go to bed at 9pm, no matter what else for the house needs to get done.

DH could also take over making sure bottles are clean and ready for the next day. Or that you have enough xyz.

Of course you have to ask for help. You NEED help. Get specific. Your DH is just another person and has his own drama and baggage. Cut through yours and his and tell him what has to happen.

Too bad he doesn't just see it. But who cares, as long as it's done? I'd make him responsible for something entirely because I don't want to play supervisor, myself.