Do I, as a SM, have any obligations (be it financially, morally, etc.) to my Skids? And vice versa...does DH have any obligations to my bios?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

However, DH and I decided that we would present a untied front...there would be no his and hers..just ours. It was pretty idealistic at the time as we thought we could blend both our kids. That didn't happen...but we still are united...just in front of his kids..and in front of mine...never all together.

Financially? Do I have an obligation to pay CS to my Skids BM? Absolutely not. BUT...if Dh's child support goes up..plus tuition and extra expenses...then his disposable income becomes less...which means that I pick up more of the shared expenses. My obligation is to DH...ya know that for better or worse clause. We do not have separate finances so it's a hard pill to swallow sometimes because indirectly I am paying for his kids...or paying because OF his kids. I'm not sure I could sit by and watch him struggle financially and I certainly would be pissed if he watched me struggle and didn't do anything.

Morally? I think ever adult, SM or not, has a moral obligation to remember that even Skids are human beings. Ever person should be treated with politeness. Is this always possible...god no. Some kids are little pieces of crap that deserve a good smack up side the head and a padded cell for a few months. I read on here sometimes about skids being abusive and endangering lives..it's crazy. This is where disengagement comes in..it allows a Step to maintain the politeness but not engage with the drama that isn't yours.

DH and I have an obligation to each other and to all the kids that there is no disrespect or harm to anyone. Consequences and actions have to be the result of such behavior. I know because my bs17 refused to follow the respect rule..and had consequences..and had BD to fall back on..so he left our home. It was and still is very hard to deal with.

I also believe in fair treatment between Bios and steps. Shared money spent on kids or skids needs to be spent fairly. If we decide to go out for supper..either all the kids get invited or we take none. If we go on vacation either they all get invited or neither goes. Going somewhere or doing something that would make any one of them feel excluded just wouldn't be done. Example..DH has lots of family in TorontoIt goes without saying that DH and I don't go on many vacations or out to eat with any of the children...lol

I have developed a whole host of resentment issues when it comes to SD20. Stemming from her protest of DH and I getting married...her totally ignoring me unless directly spoken too...now having to get a lawyer and potentially going to court because she is a 20 year old spoiled brat (IMHO of course) that expects to have her way payed for her..not once...but twice! To add insult to injury...my bio D20 is working, has her own place, and is saving for post secondary. I keep quiet with regards to how I feel about SD20 to DH...it is his offspring ...but I have stepped back from interacting with SD20. If she comes to our house I pretend she is a visitor..Hi, how are you? Blah blah..then I go shower or make some excuse to go to the store.

So I guess the big picture is that obligation is really to my DH. HE loves his kids, just as I love mine. I have an obligation to DH to treat his skids politely, to make our marriage work by compromising on money issues until CS is no longer needed. In return, he is obligated to be polite to my bios, and to make every effort to pay his equal share in money issues.

The biggest obligation of all is between DH and I. We have the obligation to make it work for us...we are the adults and went into this with eyes open. Is it easy....nope. But in time hopefully it will get easier!