Sharing financial information with Skids?

So DH and BM are doing a new CS agreement. She is asking for more than DH can afford on his own (55% of his take home pay) if we take into consideration his family debt loan he has from their divorce (until Oct 2018) plus CS plus income portion of band trips and post secondary for two kids.

Keep in mind money is very tight right now due to consolidation loans and DH's family debt loan. We are married and share finances and assets (right or wrong is done now....and not easily reversed).

IF he contests what she is asking then the court will look at both DH and my incomes vs BMs and SD20's and do a household living test and adjust accordingly....if there is a significant difference. I have a couple of issues with this scenario 1. It's bringing me into their tangle 2. My spending and income will be under scrutiny until his family debt loan is paid off 3. I have major issues paying for anything to do with SD20 (history there)

If we don't fight what she is asking for then DH will be short $400 per month to cover our shared expenses. Meaning my life just got a whole lot more stressful money wise...but I don't have to put up with BM watching our every move and how we are spending our money. DH will have to take all his vacation pay and put toward the new CS amount, which means he will not get a holiday for 2 years. We will have a budget of $200 per week for groceries, toiletries, clothing, gas, and spending (this includes presents and whatever). Good luck to us I'd say.

Skids are 15 and 20. We did not blend as a family...and I have pretty much disengaged with the oldest and am stepping back from the youngest. They do not spend a lot of time at our house, but talk to their father all the time through phone and text. They always call and ask for money or rides and DH goes to all their functions and activities.

I am not paying for gas to take Skids where ever they want to go..or putting $100 in their B-day cards. Christmas is coming..and I'm not spending several hundred dollars on them. But I do feel that DH should explain to them what will change and why he cannot afford these things any more.

Opinions?

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Where do you live? Because

Where do you live? Because here MY INCOME is MY INCOME and can't be touched! It is NOT my job to financially contribute to the crotch droppings (yes I said crotch droppings) or C&*tzilla's life style.

I'm in Canada. And NORMALLY

I'm in Canada. And NORMALLY that rule applies here as well. But if Dh wants to contest the amount of CS to be paid then he would have to prove undue hardship, which would in turn involve my income.

You must be in Quebec.

NL

Typically courts do not

Typically courts do not consider SM income as part of DH income. Where do you live?

Second job will not solve

Second job will not solve anything..CS will still only go up.

We are waiting on a lawyer....

Why is your income a factor?

IF he claims undue

IF he claims undue hardship...Canadian law.

Boo - I hate that stupid

Boo - I hate that stupid argument. Gah!!!

Your income is only in play

Your income is only in play due to the fact DH is considering filing hardship though, correct? None of your income factored in guideline rates nor actually goes to CS. It comes into play because DH could still pay ordered amount and not be homeless, hungry or flat broke... it just means you pay larger share in DH and your joint finances because DH is paying CS with part of his income.

Exactly. But what I'm asking

Exactly. But what I'm asking opinions on is whether this should be shared with the Skids to help them understand that DH isn't doing as much for a reason...not just because. BM will most definitely spin it as SHE is the only one doing things...and DH is doing nothing

Look at this way - if DH had

Look at this way - if DH had lost his job, what would you tell the skids then?

That things were going to be a little different for awhile? That because of the change in income, you won't e able to do this that and the other thing??

This really isn't any different, is it???

DH had to do this back in the days when he was paying ALOT of CS to Medusa. She would tell anyone who would listen that he was a deadbeat and she had the skids convinced that he didn't pay CS. He had to sit down with the skids - who were 7, 9 and 11 at the time - and literally show them the cancelled checks.

OP's income may be a factor

OP's income may be a factor because the state can say her DH can afford to pay more because OP can pay more of their shared bills. It's a sneaky way some states have of actually using the stepparent's income to benefit the BM and skids.

This is exactly where we are

This is exactly where we are at in the CS game..waiting on lawyer. I just wanted to get opinions on whether the Skids should be made aware of why things like rides and presents and such will be cut. BM will most definitely spin it so SHE is doing it all...and DH is doing nothing. And that's not what will be happening

But the point is that there

But the point is that there will be no extra money for additional things. Any extra DH has will be going to the new CS amount if approved.

Should the kids be made aware of this?

Yes - absolutely.

I don't know how it works in

I don't know how it works in Canada, but I would be contemplating a legal divorce if a judge tried to tell me MY income should subsidize BM.

At the kids ages, I would stop giving SD20 ANY money at all. I'd still pay for some things for the 15yo, but only what I could afford. I wouldn't bring up that it changes because of CS, but if either kid asked why they can't have x anymore, I'd be honest.

right? I would absolutely

right? I would absolutely divorce DH and maintain our relationship before one cent of my income went toward a child support calculation.

No kidding. Don't we put up

No kidding. Don't we put up with enough?

we put up with more than

we put up with more than enough.

Of course, you KNOW that Medusa tried this stunt very early on.

It was the first time she should have realized with whom she was dealing

In Canada it is a legal

In Canada it is a legal requirement for divorced parents to pay for their kids when they are in post secondary education. SD20 is returning to college after a year of working...so DH has to pay....how much remains to be seen.

that argument is often made

that argument is often made here in Michigan, but it rarely goes anywhere.

One of Medusa's 8 zillion attorneys tried to subpoena my income information when DH and I were dating - she mistakenly believed we were living together, which we weren't. It went nowhere.

Right after we got married, she tried it again. I responded to her subpoena with the old "I am not a party to this case and, as such, my income has no bearing or importance" response to each and every request she made.

Never heard another word. I think, at least here in Michigan, some attorneys will try it, hoping the other party is representing themselves and thinks they have to answer...

I had an attorney try it when

I had an attorney try it when I was with my exH (when I had THE best skid in the world). I told the attorney flat out that I would fly to Mexico and divorce my H ASAP before my income could be used to support a sleezy, psychotic whore. For some reason, he backed off...

19. It's 19. I live in a

19. It's 19. I live in a border town and ALL the kids can't wait to go to Windsor so they can drink.

And, go to the Windsor Ballet - it's topless

Yep- it was actually awesome

Yep- it was actually awesome when I was a kid, because it was a hell of a lot easier to look 19 when I was 16 than it was to look 21!!

HA!

Back in the 80s, getting

Back in the 80s, getting across the border was a lot like this -

border dude - where you kids going?

kids in car - to dinner at *name of random restaurant in Windsor*, Sir

border dude - everybody legal?

kids in car - yes, Sir

border dude - okay, have a nice night

THE RETURN TRIP

American border dude - where have you been?

kids in car - *name of random restaurant in Windsor* Sir

ABD - anyone been drinking?

kids in car - no

ABD - how long were you in Canada?

kids in car - a couple of hours, Sir

ABD - have a nice night

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._history_of_alcohol_minimum_purchase_a...

It's 21 in the U.S.

Well I'm not sure what you

Well I'm not sure what you are talking about. If you are talking about alcohol in the U.S. you have to be 21 to purchase and consume alcohol. (there are a few exceptions if you are with your parents)

I thought you were saying

I thought you were saying earlier that 18, 19 year olds could drink in U.S depending on state....

the age of majority and the

the age of majority and the age at which one can legally purchase and consume alcohol are not the same definition.

The legal drinking age is 19

The legal drinking age is 19 in all provinces, EXCEPT in Alberta, Manitoba & Quebec where it is 18.

Age of majority is 18 or

Age of majority is 18 or 19...depending on province. Where I live it's 19.

But it's Canadian law that divorced parents have to pay for COD's post secondary. This is SD20's second kick at it after working for a year...so how much he has to pay remains to be seen.

But I wanted opinions on whether the Skids should be told why he can't do for them like he used to.

In Canada it is a legal

IF DH claims undue hardship then my income will be taken into consideration.

As a side note last known income split averages (2012) was 65% BM and 35% DH.

I didn't mean telling the

I didn't mean telling the kids to make a difference in what he has to pay.

I meant that telling the kids why he can't do and pay for the things he previously did...if the CS and extra expenses goes up.

We don't want BM to take the stance that she has to do everything and DH is skimping on things...we want the Skids to know the money has to go elsewhere.

then I would absolutely tell

then I would absolutely tell them why things in your home have changed.

They are certainly old enough to understand

Without going into specifics,

Without going into specifics, he should definitely let them know that he is contributing to their support and cannot afford extras.

The skids are 15 and 20, they

The skids are 15 and 20, they are definitely old enough to be shown the finances.

Be honest. Show them how much

Be honest. Show them how much BM says she needs for them. Show them his check stub and the household bills. Give them a calculator and explain that things are about to get tight-as in no extras. Then let them deal with the reality of it. Don't bad talk the mom or go any deeper into conversation with them about it. Just show them and let them accept reality for what it is. Now might be a golden opportunity for your DH to encourage them to get side/part time jobs to cover for their extras if they want them.

Why is she requesting this in

Why is she requesting this in the first place? Unless I missed it.

Her threats are just that. A threat.

I would also explain to BM the hardship it will cause. Document that in an email and copy your lawyer on it, too.

She is requesting this

She is requesting this because it's what the federal guidelines say she is entitled too...based on gross income. It does not take into consideration other factors such as the family debt he took in the divorce.

And it's not a threat. DH and BM are in mediation at the moment and if they can't decide between the two on an agreement it will go to court before a judge.

BM knows the hardship. We send all DH's financials along with his budget to the mediator who in turn forwarded it on to her. Our lawyer has the info as well. That's how we know that we qualify for the undue hardship clause. But in order to complete the undue hardship test we need BM's and SD20's financial information...which we have requested but not received.

If she won't lower the CS amount on her own we will have to go to the judge to see what he says.

I just read your previous

I just read your previous blogs. I wouldn't say anything to skids until it's done and over. I would tell BM that you'll be requesting her to pay for your attorney fees too.

I would also explain to BM

I would also explain to BM the hardship it will cause.

I had a little chuckle at this. That would cause BM over here to try harder to get more.

Oh I agree. But at that point

Oh I agree. But at that point of little info I had, it's more of a point of documentation than BM caring. Now I know the full story. she already knows and so does the court

FAR over do and time to stop

FAR over do and time to stop the extra cash flow. DH /YOU are already paying for them in the CS amount. School trips when I was going consisted in working my rear off with fundraisers the school had and on my own making Christmas tree ornaments to sell to my parents friends. WE had to prove to our parents we wanted to go by working. They gave spending money.
So and SO wants their drivers license ,,,get a job first then you can pay for it.

Next, I tend to agree with Mustang IF the court insists your income and personal private info will be exposed since your married I would seek divorce and show paperwork in progress with courts.

Your husbands adult and middle aged teen are old enough to be told what CS is, the amount paid and what the BM should be using it for.

Personally I no longer agree with the DO not utter one single word about CS or about court orders to kids. That is hog wash.

They should know so they are educated on the seriousness of having children and the road ahead IF they do and separate from their spouse.

Schools are talking about sex ed, sexual preferences, sexual gender options---by Gosh I can talk about child support to my kids.

jmo

Yes, they should be told. I

Yes, they should be told. I think it teaches a lesson about living within your means.

I would tell but from my

I would tell but from my experience don't expect it to do much good. At the end of the day the kids just don't care how much money who is giving who, they just want whatever they want. Frankly I would not worry about what they think, I'd worry about your DH - will he still want to shell out for all the extras?

I would be filing for legal

I would be filing for legal separation tomorrow so that they can't use your income. That's crazy.

I would bloody resign and be

I would bloody resign and be without any income before my money goes to BM....

SO glad it works totally different in our country.... regardless of what BM wants, court will only look at SO's income and expenses and seeing he's paying off debt occurred during marriage and divorce with BM, she will get the min CS as per law...... it would not matter what I earn and how much I make...

SO's debt with me (combined property) will also play a factor, but to his benefit.... court will simply take it as follows, this is your debt per month, this is your income per month.. oh dear you sponge of your GF - sorry BM he can't afford paying you CS... get a better job to support your spoiled brat's living standards. Sometime they will simply just take th BM's income and expenses and say - you do not need more CS, cut on the spa days and you will be able to look after your kid.

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Sharing financial information with Skids?

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