So sd9 finally calls BM after not having heard from her in almost 2 weeks. Hasn't seen her, called her, texted, smoke signals. Nada. So the conversation was about 5 to 7 minutes long. sd9 was very excited about the length of conversation. Apparently this is a good lengthy phone call to her. She doesn't hide during phone calls to BM which I like. We give her privacy and space but she doesn't try and hide and conspire. During the phone call BM asks if FDH is really serious about moving and leaving the state. I'm thinking no, he's just trying to mess with you which is why he took you to court to get approval from a judge. Slams head on desk repeatedly. Anyways sd9 replies that yes indeed we are moving, probably after school and that she is excited. BM informs her that well, she just doesn't have any money so she won't be able to buy plane tickets to fly all of them out and that its a situation where they just aren't going to see her anymore once we move.

FDH is floored. He was so mad he looked like he was going to kick the dog or something. Rewind a few days when sd5 has been busy whispering matter of factly to ss3 that "We aren't going to see mom anymore". Or sometimes just announcing it "Hey ss3! We aren't going to see mom anymore". I had been trying to figure out where it was coming from. Well fast forward to the evening of said phone call. I ask sd15 what the F was up with all that? I mentioned sd5 saying that all the time and that she doesn't sound sad or upset or happy or anything about it. Just very informational. I mention sd9 saying in reply when BM tells her this "Oh, ya, I know." SD15 says to me "well she says it so often how are we supposed to react? I mean what are we supposed to say?" So there it is. She's been drilling them for the last 2-3 months that they just wont be seeing her anymore. I'm like wtf? This explains why sd's 5 and 9 have gotten SUPER affectionate and clingy to me. This explains all the announcements. I don't really know what to say. I mean I told sd9 that BM can feel free to just fly HERSELF out to NewState instead of paying airfare for all of them. I don't know how to explain to her that if BM paid CS (she doesn't understand the concept of CS and BM's responsibilities to her) we would pay for at least half if not more of the flight. I told sd9 that its in the paperwork that if BM happens to be in our area we will make additional time for them to see her. I told her that BM is free to drive to NewState as well - she replies that BM doesn't have the gas $$ because sd9 had already suggested it to her. Really it boils down to BM having to get a job. How the hell do I explain to a 9 and 5 year old that the only reason BM is dropping out of their life is because she doesn't want to get a job? There is more than one way to skin a cat, and I know for a FACT that if the role was reversed that FDH would BANKRUPT himself and us to go and see them. How do you explain to them the concept that their mom is making a CHOICE to abandon them? They haven't seemed to blame us and it SEEMS as though BM hasn't said anything to that effect. I don't think she can since FDH moved a bunch while they were together for his job. SD9 and 15 would see right through it. Plus sd9 and sd15 are super excited to go.

sd9 asked if it was a situation where BM flew out to NewState (as mentioned above by my suggestion) what would BM do? Would she stay with us? I'm like fuck no! That's what I was thinking but what I really said was um no. She could get a hotel or something and make a few days vacation with you guys of it or something. Idk what she can do but that is HER issue to figure out NOT mine. I wasn't hurt but was really put out by her assumption that BM could stay with us. I guess I should be flattered that she thinks we all get along well enough to do something like that or that our home is that welcoming or something but really how I took it was that she doesn't view mine and FDH's relationship as anything and that BM and her needs trump us allllll. *cue triumphant bm fanfare* I try and be nice to BM and respectful of her roll however shitty and limited it is, but I draw the line at BM shacking up with us for a week to see skids. The day she crosses my threshold is the day the world will witness the Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan Calendar. There will be crying and gnashing of teeth.

FDH and I are super bent out of shape at her ignorance and proclamation of abandonment. Idk if she just wants to get a reaction out of them where they cry appropriately to match her feelings or what. That's very much how she is. She believes if they cry and are super upset when she drops them off or leaves that they love her or love her enough. Its messed up. No one cries but sd5 and its all a show! She cries all the way up to the door then crosses the door and immediately is fine. Acts like nothing happened! She will be saying hi to me in her regular voice asking whats going on with teardrops in the corners of her eyes. It's hilarious. She puts on an epic show for Mom then goes back to normal as soon as she walks inside. No sniffles. No calming down and heavy breathing. Just complete 180 lol!

Last drop off ss3 was bawling because he didn't want to go. FDH and I tell him he will have a great time and that Mom misses him! FDH carries him outside and tells him to give BM a hug and hop in the car. BM sees the tears in his eyes and asks him " What?! You don't love Mom anymore?" "Is that why you're crying??" ss3 refuses to answer her, gives her a limp hug, walks by her and gets in the car. The more they cry, the more they love her remember!?

Side funny story: sd5 was rearranging my purse at the grocery store in the cart. I get to check out and go to pay. I open my purse which was zipped shut (never is, i use the magnet clasp) Lo and behold there in my purse is a smuggled lime! The lime had been in the cart originally but apparently sd5 thought the feng shui was wrong in the cart cuz she stashed the lime in my purse. I had to laugh and hand it to the cashier to ring up and she understood and thought it was funny. I told sd15 later for a laugh and she says "Omg she is following in Mom's footsteps!" Aka tons of shoplifting/felony retail thefts. Yet another laugh to add to the story.