Affirmation and Intentions
I am a huge YES for possibility. I am open to the possibility of all this working out at some point. Even now, after eight years of utter craziness. Even after the times I've thought that things were finally getting better, just to have them come crashing down again. I am a YES for mediation or family therapy with us and BM. I am a YES for getting the help we need.
I am also open to the possibility of none of this ever occurring. I am fully aware that I have no control over what BM says or does or decides to do, and that her stuff is HER STUFF.
That said, I am absolutely a massive NO for pretending that everything is ok with our relationship with her, with how she has tried and keeps trying to hurt our part of the family, instead of doing the work that we need to do to fix this.
Therefore, if she pulls into my driveway to drop her sons off, and she begins talking to DS4, I will absolutely call him and tell him to say goodbye to her and come back into the house. I will reinforce with him that saying a polite "hello" is all that he needs to say to the twins' mother.
In a future text or nasty email, she will definitely mention to DH that "even your youngest son knows that the problem lies with you. I am warm, generous and personable." Or something along those lines. Such things have occurred many times after seemingly innocuous incidents. Such is life with a narcissist.
I would love for her to be able to visit in my driveway, to come into the house and chat, like Ex-H and his new wife do. It would be lovely to get to that point.
I am just done thinking that little things like her trying to engage DS4 in chatty happy conversation are a step toward anything. There is work to be done in order to get to that point, and she may continue to refuse to do that work. But if she decides to face it, we are here waiting! This could all be so much easier than it is!
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Comments
BM will never get to that
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: BM will never get to that step, remember you stole her slave, she will do everything in her power to destroy you and get her slave back...
simply ensure DS is in the house when she drops off the twins, I will not allow my kid close to her...
I used to pray for the days
I used to pray for the days we all could get along or at least have simply short chats about the weather with BM and whoever she's with but then I realized after reading up on GUBMs and Narcisist that it will never happen simply because she doesn't want it to be like that. In the last year I have met half a dozen children with mothers and fathers who have split and remarried having friendly buddy-buddy relationships with their ex spouses and their new spouses. I'm jealous of that. In the beginning I really tried to make BM feel unthreatened and encouraged her to come to me when she was having problems but now I see all that was a huge mistake and waste of my time. Some people, GUBM in particular love the attention they get from constant drama. They feed off of it and it gives them a thrill to their lives. BM is like this. She will go out of her way to be difficult just so they'll have something to argue about. She will do passive things just to try to get a rise out us.
BM used to keep her youngest hidden from us at games/school events/extra curriculars until I had my own bio. I brought him everywhere with me. It only took her a few times of seeing SS fawn over BS publically for her to start bringing Spawn around. He's come up to me a few times and I've always been pleasant to him even made bs share his toy with him. If they end up playing together at the ballfield I don't stop them but BM does. Some people you just have to accept are ugly. Deep down just ugly mean spirited people. Y'all's relationship won't ever change because she enjoys it being conflicted and dramatic all the time. I will say once we figured out BM enjoys the fighting more than the co-parenting it became a lot easier just to ignore her attempts.
Not even Jesus himself would
Not even Jesus himself would be able to save BM from my wrath if she had the nerve to say something like that about my child. I swear theballs some of these BM's have!