Some work I've been doing involves exploring what I'm hiding, creating myself in alignment with the words I use, and developing/practicing pure listening skills.

I realized that I often listen to my stepsons through the filter of their mother (I hear and see her when they speak, and it affects how I listen to them).

While I was away at the training which facilitated this growth, several people mentioned to me that they perceive me as a nurturer.

When this was said to me, it shocked me. I think I'm going to allow for the possibility that perhaps I am a nurturer, and that maybe I don't have to be awash with shock or guilt when this is said to me. Maybe I am someone who loves to nurture partner, students, my own beloved children, and even some strangers. Maybe it is OK for whatever reasons that I no longer even attempt to nurture my stepsons. Maybe it is SO that I cannot be the only one working for a caring close connection with them when they are not willing to do anything except look like deer in the headlights when I attempt to connect with them about anything besides small talk.

Maybe that is SO. And maybe it can be ok with me. Maybe I truly don't have to be concerned, as long as they do what is expected of them in this house and show a certain level of respect while they do it.

Maybe my story doesn't have to revolve as much around "BM has created this"; or "How sad, that they and I used to be close and at one point I DID nurture them and find joy in my relationship with them"....maybe it can be "It is so; now what?"