Just a thought experiment: If your kid is not your kid...
http://www.knowable.com/a/speople-who-disappeared-to-start-a-new-life-te...
The first one here got me thinking. For men, having a baby is always the same, isn't it? Without a DNA test, how would they know if the baby is theirs? So being a 'father' is a choice, right?
But, after interacting with the child like s/he is your daughter/son for x number of years, if a DNA test were to reveal that the child isn't theirs, do feelings change so much? Like that guy in the article just walked away from his 6 year old forever, since she was most likely another man's child. Are the bonds of dads usually so fragile?
Oh, oh, and I remember reading a similar random thing the other day, where a woman talked about a bad date which ended up in sex (and seemed to blame the guy for the sex, because they had agreed to not have sex earlier in the evening (??)), and where the guy still called her from time to time to try to borrow money, but she was going to have the baby anyways. #24/26 on this link: http://www.knowable.com/a/first-date-tried-to-take-me-to-meet-her-parent...
That one I just think that chick is entitled and stupid. Like, some guy she decided to sleep with on the first date should *know* that she doesn't sleep around even though she just did with him? Didn't use protection, doesn't like the guy, AND she's keeping the baby? Bad, bad, bad.
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Very interesting article, I
Very interesting article, I think lots of people dream of doing it but very few do.
As to the first story, I think so much was wrong in his life and he felt no connection to anyone. That's why it was easy to walk away.
I worked with a guy who suspected that his daughter wasn't his. During an angry divorce he demanded a paternity test. He thought if he could show everyone what an evil cheating biotch his soon to be ex was, he'd be vindicated and happy.
When the results came he realized that this beautiful little girl was going to be destroyed if he wasn't her Dad. She'd grow up knowing her Mom cheated and the man she thought was her Dad now didn't love her just because of biology. He burnt the results, worked out a deal with the ex and moved on.
My DH is raising a child he
My DH is raising a child he knows is not his. The child is a nightmare to deal with but he would choose this child over any relationship. He did with his last one. She was tired of being screamed at and hit by toddler and got the heck out. I have lasted thus far but know if it came down to it BD7months and I would have to leave before he could ever think about abandoning "his son".
But isn't BD7months his child
But isn't BD7months his child too?
I guess that's part of the question - how the 'choice' to be a father plays out. Choosing one kid over another. I mean, I get one kid takes more resources now and another later, or one needs something that is difficult to provide (like, having a kid with behavioural issues means the parents have to be super-consistent and engaged when kids without behavioural issues can be left unattended while the parent takes a shower, for example).
But that your DH would think that one kid is more important than the other? Or I guess, more important than you? I just don't understand the rationale behind that.
And for your DH to choose the kid sounds great, but from your recent blog it doesn't sound as though he parents in a way that supports the kid growing up happy (and not a danger to others). So I would think he's choosing something about how the kid makes him feel about himself (DH), not the kid himself (SS).
My DH wanted this kid so bad
My DH wanted this kid so bad he didn't even give the bio dad a chance. Just claimed him unfit and signed the birth certificate as BM wanted. SS8 is his golden child. His other BD15 has said repeatedly that he favors SS. SS8 takes so much focus and energy she gets what's left over.
He talked about how wonderful SS was for years. Like he didn't see all his behavior issues. Until he started school and it wasn't just SM saying it.
He wanted a boy pretty bad and even gave the kid his middle name. It is weird to me.
I just focus on BD and SD as much as I can because they will never get the attention SS gets. Maybe DH feels like because SS is "the chosen one" he should be treated extra special.
I've had this fantasy of
I've had this fantasy of starting over but never the courage to do it. As for the " If your kid is not your kid", can't answer that only have skids and I know that aren't mine.
I knew a man whose wife left
I knew a man whose wife left him for her boss. They had a 4 year old child. She informed him that the child was her boss's child not his and wanted him to drop all claims to the child.
He was devastated. It was truly heartbreak city. He finally agreed to allow the bio father to claim paternity for the best interest of the child. But it just killed him.
The child is now grown. I don't know if she knows the history of what happened or not.
I have a friend who knocked
I have a friend who knocked his GF up, this was way back when we where in our 20's.... They never married and he paid for everything, he looked after that little girl and spoiled her rotten... When the girl turned 5 the GF told him...
She's not yours, you have no legal right over her eff off we want nothing to do with you anymore and she married the little girls father - nothing my friend could do about it, paternity tests showed he was not the father but he never did it when the baby was born, cause they where engaged, she cheated... he did not know...
My friend is a broken man, it's been 20 years and he still has no contact with this girl....