so it's "our" weekend again... :(
Normally we would have this weekend to ourselves. This weekend comes once every 2 weeks. My kids go to their BD's and his kids stay with their BM. Not this time. 
she went into a court mandated 2 week detox program for her drinking (crashed her car last fall and lost her license for 2 years), so we are stuck with them for this weekend too, and then next is our weekend as well... oh joy.
my SO oldest is 20 so I don't have to worry about him, for now, (that's a whole other world of issues in itself) but SS13 and SD12 are coming Friday night until Sunday...sometime? Basically their mother has refused to let my SO in on when she gets out of detox Sunday which is her usual MO and probably gets out in the morning but will want her "me time" until she's good and ready for him to drop them off.
These kids are by an outsiders standards, good kids. They are extremely close to each other and worship their BM. They are both on the honor roll and both play every sport and do every activity they can squeeze in after school. Behind closed doors however...
I am apparently some MONSTER they are terrified of pissing off and continually cry to their BM about. I make them feel uncomfortable in their own home (my home btw but their mother calls it their's because I moved into my SO home so "it was theirs first"), like they are constantly walking on eggshells. I'm unapproachable and cranky. They tell everyone I am mean and they wouldn't dare say anything to me. RIGHT. I am 5'3" 120lbs soaking wet and currently 7 months pregnant. SS13 is 5'8" 220lbs and SD12 is 5'4" 120lbs. big kids for their age, but I am the intimidating one!?
I have made rules for my house based upon the rules my own children follow and the way I was raised. If you take something out, put it away. If you make a mess, pick it up. Do not raid my cupboards and fridge all hours of the day and night because you are bored. (These kids will eat ALL day and clean the house of any snack nearby and will go through a 12 pack of soda in 2 days And leave all the wrappers and cans anywhere they were sitting or stand at the time of consumption!), stay out of your father's and my room, and if you want to be treated with respect, treat myself and your father with respect. Simple right? You would think but apparently this makes me the BIG BAD B*TCH that they cannot stand to be around. They whine that they never want to come here, so their BM says that's okay and forces my SO to find a friends house for them to go to. She tells him to "deal with his situation at home before he loses his kids" and to "get his head out of my a$$". All the while they treat their dad like he is their personal slave. He picks up after them, gets things for them, buys them whatever they whine for. His $$ is their $$. And at the end of the day no matter how much he does for them, spoiled little brats, they treat him with such disrespect! Talking back and screaming at him. Acting like BABIES when they don't get what they want! SS13 will LITERALLY yell and then go lay on his bed and refuse to move! All of this, because of the way their BM treats him, and because they are SELFISH brats who don't want anyone else in his life to take time or $$ away from them!
In the beginning I tried so hard to be kind, take them places, do things with them. They are happy as long as I'm spendings $$ on them but as soon as it stops they go right back to being whiny little Aholes. And slobs with absolutely zero boundaries.
SD12 helps herself to all of my things on my bureau in my room whenever I am not there, and makes a complete mess while doings it. Nothing is ever put back, lotions, creams and hair products are spilled or all over their original containers. Helps herself to my nail polish and spills it all over the table every time. She chooses to use my expensive (strictly for blondes) shampoo and will empty half a bottle in one use and most of it is all over the tub floor for the next person to shower!
All of these things sound so petty I know... but I juSt want boundaries and respect for myself and my things, and especially for their father who does everything to keep them happy. Why can they give it to their low life BM who does NOTHING for them (especially now that she has no license) but not ther father or I, the stable people in their life!?
Gahhh pulling my hair out for another long weekend
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Lol yes, not to sound
Lol yes, not to sound conceited but I am cute. I had no problem finding dates before I met my SO. Also she is 13 years my senior, so that plays a huge role I'm sure. I guess you could compare us to (in the looks department) Marilyn Munroe (myself) and the evil queen from snow white (BM). She has her eyebrows tattooed on in that exact manner and always has a snarl on her face and dyes her hair jet black. She is covered in tattoos and wears black everything 2 sizes too small. I am fair skinned with only one hidden tattoo and wear clothes that fit me and don't resemble the wardrobe of a vampire... So we are everything opposite.
I am a genuinely happy/kind person, especially to my SO and she is known for her snippy, snarly, bitchy personality.
lol dh ended up with full
lol dh ended up with full custody, try dealing with this shit ALL the time!!!
just protect yourself and your kids. lock your bedroom door when you are not home. keep all, and i do mean ALL, of your personal supplies locked in your bedroom and/or closet. i kept my bath towel in the bedroom and had a shower caddy for daily-use items (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, brush, body lotion, etc). i hauled that shit back and forth daily. BUT IT WAS WORTH MY SANITY.
and teach YOUR kids to do the same to protect their things.
be lucky it's just weekends. i'm sorry u're getting two in a row, but remember, it *could* be full time. and the sad part is, the way your bm seems to be, i'd be prepared for that possibility...
(((hugs)))
Wednesday Martin in her Step
Wednesday Martin in her Step Monster book has a whole chapter about this concerning men and this behavior RipleyV2 talks about. I've often wanted to read the whole chapter aloud to my partner
Its really no wonder that you
Its really no wonder that you aren't the one with the drinking problem ..... but then again maybe that's why BM drinks , eh. MY stepkids do the same thing. SD15 just took my iphone to call her mom on. Didn't ask. She has her own damn phone. And then didn't bring it back. I wouldn't allow my own children to treat me or my things that way and I say things to them about their behavior but God forbid you call a stepkid out on a lack of manners. You know what? I bet every single one of us has heard that whole "You are going to lose your kids speech" from BM to DH because she wants to set the scene and dictate how we are supposed to live our own lives in our own homes. In their minds they want ex hubby to have no one else in their life and to spend every other weekend taking the kids to Disney but while waiting in the cue lines expound upon the childrens how miserable he is without their mother and how he messed up so by causing them to be separate and if it ain't that way the prophecy of "you are going to lose your children" begins. (with a little help from BM)
You are so right "You are
You are so right "You are going to lose your kids speech" from BM to DH because she wants to set the scene and dictate how we are supposed to live our own lives in our own homes" - I have heard that song sung by BM and MIL for ages now even though SS was very happy in our house until we got engaged! Then the problems started.
No, not petty at all. Why is
No, not petty at all. Why is SD even in your bedroom, let alone helping herself to your personal things? While Daddy is out shopping and buying whatever the kid whines for, tell him to pick-up this, that and the other thing too. He can supply his daughter with her own lotions, polish, shampoo whatever. In fact, rather silly of him not to have already done so. SD does need (?) personal items and he should not be just allowing her to help herself to yours.
Put a lock on that door. My own bio-kid does not enter my bedroom without knocking (even if door is open) and waiting to be told she can come him. Stop buying soda and snacks if they can't 1)put trash in trash 2)help themselves without some guidelines and common sense of overindulging. Clean up after them? Hell no. You're not the maid. If Dad won't make them do it, he can run around behind them and do it. And on and on it goes. Make your husband be the parent.
Seems strange that BM doesn't want the kids overnight in your home but has no problem sending them this Friday. Where have the little darlings been all this week why she's off in detox?
And finally, consider looking into a home (DH and you). Why live in the home where Dad and kids are way too comfortable in. You're like the intruding outsider. Start afresh with a Dad and SM home where they won't feel as if it's 'their' house. Way too many women end up in the old 'family home' and feel what you're going through. The kids will never think of it as YOUR home. Seriously consider actually finding a DH/Wife fresh start house and making it Dad/SM's home in which these kids do their part-time parenting rotation in. Yes, it's still 'home' but it's not their pre-claimed and territorial stomping ground. Rattle their little world's a bit.
All of this is great advice.
All of this is great advice. SO and I fight a lot about who is to clean up Skids mess. I absolutely refuse. But he feels like he can't say anything to them because they only come to "our" (yeah right) home every other weekend. I have a 5 and 7 1/2 year old myself that have respect for me and him and have no problem picking up after themselves. He also seems to have no issue with having my children pick up after themselves and clean their own rooms because they live with us full time, but God forbid if I suggest that SS13 and SD12 clean up their rooms before they leave or fold their own clothes.
For christmas I got SD12 a ton of stuff for her to keep here. Brushes, hair curler, nail polish, mousse etc. She takes everything back to her BM's every time she leaves and despite asking my SO to tell her to leave it, it still ends up at her BM house. SS13 is the same way. "Packs" a bag to bring here for the weekend, but always ends up asking to borrow his dad's Deodorant, underwear, sweatpants, tshirts. Wth does this kid pack!? I'm constantly having to huy new things for us because they take our stuff home with them!
We definitely are saving to buy a house together next summer, until then we live in a two family where we are renovating the attic to be our bedroom/bathroom/nursery, so a lock on my door (while I have been suggesting it for months) would be a bit pointless now. my own children do not come into our bedroom, so I don't understand why his kids feel they have the right to just walk in. Sometimes even when the door is closed!! >:(
Skids have been staying at various friends houses for the past two weeks. They live and go to school in a different state than us, so every tues and Thurs SO drives an hour to take them to dinner or whatever afterschool activities they have and to just hang out for a bit and drives home. Then Fri nights he picks them up and we keep them until Sunday. She couldn't give a crap where they are for the 2 weeks (because she always leaves it to my SO to figure out her messes) as long as she gets her CS.