Marriage Counseling and Step Kids
My husband decided to seek marriage counseling and so far today will be the 5th session. We’re doing better but still living apart. I’m not convinced or should I say trust that things won’t go back to being the same as they used to. In marriage counseling he realized his ex needs to take care of the kids on her time and to stay away from her personal life which was hard since their oldest son always came and told him the moms issues back at their house. My husband felt like he neeed to be more involved over there and neglected us mentally and emotionally. I’ve been spending more time together and spending night over and helping him watch the kids when he has to work. When he’s here at home he looks over his kids but for some reason his kids gravitate towards me and they are very overwhelming. If you read my previous posts BM has been making our life difficult in so many ways. In one of those ways is emotionally neglecting her son. Suicide attempts, drug use and overdose right in front of him. He needs constant attention. Attention I don’t have patients for. I feel for him and I feel guilty for feeling this way. He has stolen credit cards, gets Fs at school, lies and doesn’t listen. When you try to tell him not to do something he acts hurt and says he knows he’s a bad kid and nobody loves him which I feel is a guilt trip and makes me just stay away from him. I have a bit of my own his age and I’m afraid it will rub off on him. His ex says he can’t handle him and wants to give us full custody which I definitely can’t handle. I feel as he gets older he will dabble with drugs to self medicate and mimic what he has seen. Aside from marriage problems I feel like his kids are another huge obstacle. I cannot handle the responsibility. I don’t want it. I tried in the past and all I got was a broken marriage out of it. I love them and want the best for them but I’m not the one give them what they need. I feel like I get put in the position of not being to bond with my kids because they constantly need and want something. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?
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Stepkidds
Are hard to deal with. Specially when they have mental problems. No body signs up to take care of a mental problem SS. You and your DH has to come up with an agreement. If he wants full time custody of SS your marriage may be over. You can not live that way. Or HE has to be there when SS is with you. And there has to be rules and punishment for breaking the rules. No screen time, no cell phone. No going out. What ever it is had to be carried out to the fullest. This kid need structure, boarding school for a year or two may help.
I feel that if I suggest boarding school he will feel resentful towards my son and that will be another issue. My son has an attitude problem at times but he’s trust worthy and brings home As. Never gives us problems. I know he’ll ask if he can spend more time with his dad since his son won’t be here to make it even.
I agree with others, boarding
I agree with others, boarding school would be good for him and good for you. I know you think he would be resentful but his feelings can't always come first. His mother is not there for him but you do not have to pick up the baton she dropped. He has a father that is involved and supportive of him so boarding school might help him, a new environment, fresh start etc.
*reading back over your blogs I see that the father has not been much better than the mother for this kid.
I really don't know what to advise here as you now have a baby with him. If you divorce he will have rights to see your child so divorcing him will not remove the bad influence from your child's life.
Is he going to stop drinking? Do you think the counselling will help? Still think you need the skid out of the picture in order to make a go of this. I shouldn't think a BM with her history would get much of a say in it, his father would have a good reason to put him in boarding school for more structure to his life.
It’s craxy to me that he just
It’s craxy to me that he just goes along with what baby mama wants even though she plays a huge part of her sons problem. There even came a time we’re he went over to his bm neighbors house to hang out to just keep an eye on his kids while I got left at home alone pregnant and with my son. He came home late just to sleep or drink more. The counselor asked him about his drinking and he said he’s afraid he won’t be able to stop. Hasn’t been a huge problem in a while since he’s not using it to cry and cry about his ex and his kids situation over there. I feel like we have so many obstacles and people that can ruin our relationship but his fault for allowing it. He’s been trying hard but for how long ?
This man intimidated you,
This man intimidated you, trashed your clothes & pushed you when you were pregnant. That's a deal breaker in my opinion.
He telling you who he is,
He telling you who he is, even in front of a counselor, he is an alcoholic, he will not stop jumping and putting BM and his first family before you and your child. Listen to him he telling you he is not going to change.