Haven't posted in a while but there have been some issues regarding my stepson that have come up and I really don't know how to handle it... this is very long so thank you in advance to anyone who reads it and any advice you have to offer.

So here's some back story; I have an older brother (36) who was married for a long time. He and his high school sweetheart married at 20 and even though his wife was somewhat of a jerk everyone accepted her. It was kind of one of those things like, "oh that's just how she is." whenever she'd act like an ass. Well about 4 years ago she met some guy on Xbox live who lived across the country and she flew him here to NM and cheated on my brother and carried on a yearlong relationship with this guy. During that time she and my brother separated and she proceeded to tell all of our family that they were separated because my brother was mean and just a bad husband in general. She bashed him continually and pretty much had our entire family against my brother because we thought he was treating her horribly. We all thought he was probably cheating on her but neither of them would say anything about what REALLY was going on. After the year of her cheating my brother filed for divorce and told everyone that SHE was actually cheating on him and that he didn't say anything about the cheating because he really wanted to work things out and he didn't want us to think badly of her. Once everyone found out the truth about what was going on and he had finally filed for divorce everyone kind of stopped talking to her. They've been divorced now like 3 years. Well, this past fall my brother announced to everyone that he decided to work things out with her and asked us to try to get past her transgressions and accept her back into the family. Everyone was really surprised and disappointed that he'd go back with her but no one gave him flack because it's his life and of course we all want him to be happy.

Now for my issue. During the time my brother and his ex were separated, Dh and I were trying to conceive and when I actually gave birth to Dd, they were well into their divorce. During that time my brother treated Ss as his nephew. He'd buy him nice xmas presents, bday presents, spent time with him etc. Basically he treated well and when Dd was born he treated him the same as Dd-they were equal. Since he's reconciled w/ his Ex, things have changed. For xmas they got Dd a nice playset that was 30 dollars (I know that b/c I had seen this toy and had debated buying it) and they got Ss knock off Legos... like the off brand Legos from Family dollar. This really bothered me but I thought "maybe it's a coincidence". Well Ss's bday just passed and they didn't attend the party. I got a text from my brother like 2 hrs into the party saying his ex-wife/gf was "sick" so they wouldn't be attending. What's crappy is that my brother lives 4 blocks from us so it's not like he couldn't just stop in. I work with his ex in the same unit so I see her daily-she wasn’t sick. I honestly don’t think they ever . It's just very clear that Ss is now a non-entity to both of them. The only experience this woman has in regards to step-life is that both of her brothers have stepsons but her entire family treats them really bad. They won't throw bdays parties for them, they get them cheap gifts for xmas, no bday presents etc. The 2 kiddos have also been removed from their homes at one point because their stepdads (her brothers) were beating them. It's really a sad situation for them. This woman also admitted at one point when she was still married to my brother that if I ever decided to have a baby that she would treat my bio better than my SS because my bio would "really" be family and Ss is not. At the time I remember thinking it was weird that she'd say that but I kind of just brushed it off b/c at that time I was still undecided if I wanted kids.

So at this point I'm really unsure as to what I should do. When my brother and the ex were apart, he treated Ss like his nephew and we we're blending well. Now that they are back together, it seems he's adapted the same craptastic attitude toward my Ss that she has and I don't know what to do. I want to go off on my brother and tell him that I have 2 kids, not 1 and that if he can't treat them as equals than he shouldn't bother to do anything for either of them. At the same time though I feel conflicted because Ss isn't technically his nephew and so is it fair to Dd to take away her Uncle (I have 3 brothers total. the other 2 brothers and my entire family for that matter treat Ss as though he's family. To everyone else he's just my son, Dd's brother, cousin, nephew/grandson)? Then I think to myself, well if my brother can behave in such a way to a child (Ss just turned 7 last wk.), do I even want that type of person around my daughter? Furthermore, the only time he sees Dd is when we have Ss so it's not like he sees my bio any more than he sees my Ss so that’s no excuse either. Is it even worth it to talk to him? Has anyone been through this? Am I in the wrong?