Maybe it is because I am older but we would have just swatted her diapered bottom and she it would stop.

Yes...I know...Child abuse and all that. lol.

Yup...I did it, my parent did it, their parent did it. My kids will do it when they have kids. It works.

I have never understood the concept of just ignoring bad behavior. But I am pretty old fashioned.

How many times did you do it? lol

Mine screams at times too. He's 2.5 and has autism, so we have the typical toddler behavior plus he's nonverbal and can't express himself. Most days, I want to scream too! We have taught him signs and we also use picture cards for common things that he likes. I will not give him what he wants when he screams. I wait for him to sign "help" or "more" or "please" or to hand me one of his cards or calmly lead me to what he wants. I hate seeing him so upset and frustrated but I don't want a screamer either!

Hmmm... I think it depends on why she's having the tantrum. Is it in response to a "no" from you? Then I'd carry on ignoring it. On the other hand, if it's because she's not able to clearly communicate (and at 13 months this would be totally normal) I think I'd get down on her level and try to help. If she's starting right off yelling (not asking nicely first, and when you haven't said "no" yet), I'd remind her to use her "nice words" and show her how to ask. (At 13 months I don't think I'd yet require her to actually ask nicely - my kids were all doing single word "sentences" at that point, like pointing and saying "milk!" - just tell her what the right way IS. You can require she repeat it correctly closer to two.)

How's her receptive language? (They usually understand more than they can speak at that age.) If it's good enough, you might try telling her, "OK, I can see you want to have a tantrum. That's fine. I'll be right over here when you're done, you just let me know."

My dad always likes to tell the story about when I was like this. I would whine and gesture to the fridge, "Uh, uh, uh" instead of asking for milk. He said that they stopped getting it for me until I would actually ask correctly.

Of course, it is much easier when every caregiver is on the same page!

Wow, all your kids are so verbal! Mine is *finally* showing understanding of language and doing some basic signs that I've been doing since she was born! We were warned she'd be slow though, as she's growing up with 3 languages.

She's also 13 months (yesterday!). About 10 months she started with tantrum-type behaviour... it's about the same now, she wants what she wants and will do that awful whiny/fussy/angry thing, sometimes escalating into throwing herself backwards (which concerns me for safety reasons).

I have learned that it is important that I be strict and consistent. I need to have appropriate expectations and appropriate consequences.

She feeds herself, but sometimes if she's starting to get full, she'll start to fool around with her spoon - waving it in the air with food on it. That's not allowed. So BEFORE she gets anywhere with her waving around, as soon as she's raised it and seems to be dicking around rather than aiming for her mouth - BOOM - I grab her hand and say: "DD, we don't play with food, we have a fun time eating together, but no playing." Then with my hand over hers I put the spoon in her mouth and let her continue. If I have to do that twice, the third time we stop and I give her something that won't make an annoying mess. If she is too fast and does go all Jackson Pollock on me, then that part of the meal is over. If she also does that with her glass of water, then the meal is over.

I started out wanting to give chances. All kinds of reasons. Wanting to keep things nice, afraid she would starve to death, etc etc. But that's all BS. She needs me to make life clear to her. No wiggle-room. There will be time enough for that when she's older and is talking.

I too am old school. My mother INVENTED waterboarding!! If we had a tantrum:

1. Mom would hold our nose (and our arms/legs from flailing)--you can't breath and scream/bite at the same time
2. During the "nose trick" she would say "are you ready to stop XYZ?" repeatedly
3. She would let go and wait to see if we stopped screaming, if we didn't repeat steps 1-3

She would also blast water from the tub at full velocity in our faces to make us stop.

Yep, it would be considered "child abuse" today but it sure as hell WORKED!!

I did the nose trick on my bios but never did the waterboarding! LOL!