Advice needed - we want custody
Okay so here is the story - please tell me if you think we have a shot as normally it seems the BM must do severely heinous acts for a transfer of custody. FH and BM have shared physical and joint legal custody. They separated when my 2 SS's were 6 months and 18 months. Since then (4 years) she has had 4 men move in and out of the home and spawned 2 children while still married to FH but separated amd a;so has moved several times. In 2006 she called FH saying come get the children I cannot handle them anymore. FH tried to call her back and she would not pick up, so he called XMIL and she couldnt get a hold of her either. He had police do a welfare check - we still have the report and the children were fine. In 2008 she has us get the children for 3 weeks as she as\nd her husband BOTH were in a physical altercation with each other. In Dec 2008 we had to get one SS as she stated she could not not handle him - we had him for 2 weeks. In 2008 YSS came home with a bruise on his back - she admitted to going too far them called the next day saying she didnt appreciate being accused of anything. A few weeks later he came to our home with a fist mark, we called CPS and they checked on him that day. They did not proceed any farther. She called us and said she wanted to transfer custody of just that one child to us, then renigged a few weeks later. She witheld the children for 4 months because of me. When SS 6 was in preschool/headstart he missed school 20% of the time before she removed him tomove 20 minutes away but wouldntdrive hime. We went to court and after a new CO was established she witheld them again. She claimed they were sick and even had the children call and tell us they were at the doctor and are feeling better. We called the docotrs office and they said the children were not at the doctor. We asked her why she lied, she said she didnt. We called the doctor back and they informed us that she had called and said they could not release information as he is not on their records. We faxed custody orders and they told us again they had not seen the children. We filed a contempt order but it was dismissed. Each time we do not accomodate her wishes she sends hate filled emails which we have kept but never responded in her same fashion. This summer we have the children for 5 weeks. She is responsible for pick up and drop offs during this time. 2 weeks ago she had a test for school and couldnt get them. She then demanded the next weekend but it was 4th of July and we had plans. So we get an email today stating she has been in a car accident and will not be able to pick up the boys. Of course I dont believe her (she has lied and we have proof in the past) so I had FH call the State Troopers and we gave them her name, car model and freeway she said she was on and there is no report of the accident. When the boys come to us the are an emotional mess usually. They never want to go back, and tell us they get hit with spoons and such by both her and her BF. Today an hour before she was supposed to be here, I told the younger SS to get ready for BM to pick him up. He peed his pants. This is typical when we have hime EOWE, however he did this the first few days he was here and never had and accident again; he has been potty trained for 2 years. This alarmed me. Sorry I am rambling I am just trying to remember all the BS. The boys would be better here for their sake, but should we file another contempt order, should we try and go for custody? We cannot afford a lawyer and neither can she. The CO is out of MD. Thanks for the input.
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To be honest
I would try to go for custody. I am thankful that this is not something that happens with my skids, however it is something that has happened to my younger brother and sister when I was 22. I had already been trying for at least 2 years to get them out of my mother and stepfathers home (they were 6 and 11 at the time and they are half brother and sister to me). My mother called me at work one day told me she needed a ride to court it was an emergancy (her and my step-father were getting a divorce) and that it was a hearing on who got the house. So I left work and drove her to court, when we get inside little did I know it was to determine custody (she lied to me). In my mother's cracked out mind at the time she thought she would get custody of both children because she was the mother, and well my step dad thought he would (cause he's an ass like that), well needless to say the judge thought both of them were full of it (as they were both seriously cocaine addicted) he then announced that if no other family was present and willing to take the children that they would be placed in foster care. I broke down, stood up and said that I would take them even though I lived with my exhusbands sister and there was no room (that is a different story for another time). Well the judge said that we all needed to go talk about it and my step father was refusing to let me have custody of them (again he's an ass) we went back in my mother said it was fine (like she really had a choice) and of course the step ass said no, so the judge looked at him told him to shut it he had no choice since he showed that he would prefer to let the kids go forever instead of with me til the got their crap together. So yeah I left that day plus 2 children. Both children I had pretty much raised from birth until I finally moved out of the house when I was 20, and I knew it was going to be hard and eventually I made the best decision for them (again another story on that one). My point is, that both kids were malnourished, mentally messed up, my sister had been molested (not by family, some guy that was at one of my mom's friends house) and both of them even at the age they were, still wet the bed constantly for about another 8 months after I got them out. It took 8 months of going to therapy and basically reprogramming them to get them to stop wetting the bed, to stop the nasty out bursts, and to get back to being normal kids again. Trust me, thinking about all that I had to go through to fight for them, sometimes makes me wish that I had a plain old physco bio mom from a bf or dh lol. Having to fight with your own mother telling her that you didn't think it would be beneficial to see her kids was not only frustrating but also heartbreaking. The things my mother did to me and put me through in the process, would make the most hardened and seasoned SM cry and run for the hills. 5 years later neither the father nor the mother have custody still so they are just crap heads for the most part, though my mother did begin to get her shit together and my aunt allowed placement of my now 16 year old sister with her though my aunt still has legal custody.
Sorry for the long rant, it just kinda brought up some old stuff, but my point is I am a firm believer if there is something going wrong with the kids where they are (as in your situation the bruises should not even be there or have come close to being there) then go for custody, the worse thing that can happen is they say no. At least in the end you know you tried your best, and you fought and the skids will thank you for that when they are older.
Wow, I think I'd go for
custody. Though, without an attorney it will be difficult. Every single time those kids come to you with marks, CALL CPS.....poor babies!!!!